Slipping again.... i cant stop thinking i have cancer!! :'( [Archive]

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pearl79

20-02-12, 17:40

Hi all, I must have posted a dozen posts about all the little niggles that set off my HA... I have felt a little better these last couple of days, throwing my self into reading other people anxietys and trying to help them with my 5 years of HA expirience.

Unfortuanately ive slipped back to square one... this recent episode of HA has lasted for almost four months and im now just so tired and fed up... i felt so happy to have a more of a chirpy mood today.

I just keep thinking ive got cancer somewhere in my pelvis. Ive been through all of the cancers possible. Ive lost 18lbs in these four months and to me weightloss means illness..

Im so frightened, ive got 3 beautiful children and im a complete wreck.. i just cant rationalise or see any sense...

:weep:

miss sparkle

20-02-12, 19:28

ah bless you. i can't really offer any useful advice, as i am fairly new to all this(about 3 months in) but i just wanted to offer bit of support. i already totally understand how you feel, its such frightening thing to have and go through, and apart from people on here, i feel like nobody understands what its like.
i feel selfish thinking about it all the time, as it already takes over most of my waking thoughts, but its because of my love for my kids i am so scared to leave them. . . .talk about ironic!
shitty H.A! lol x

---------- Post added at 19:28 ---------- Previous post was at 19:26 ----------

ps. i think your weight loss is defiantly because your worrying. . .but know this probably doesn't comfort you, as nothing anyone says seems to comfort me for long! x x:weep:

jojo69

20-02-12, 19:33

hi hun Im new to this site but so far its looking helpfull i thought i was the only one that thought like this its horrible and really gets me quite down . i always think the worst and my freinds just laugh at me and say im a hypocondricac which i cant even spell lol but jokes aside im just pleased that im not the only one im sure ur going thru a what i call a bad spell just get some reassurance from others and im sure it will pass
jojo xx

jaynehal

20-02-12, 20:28

Hi pearl
Hope you wake up tomorrow feeling a little better, every day is a different mood isn't it! I'm sure you'll be fine, having HA is horrible and I can really understand how you feel, the weight loss will be because of all the worry, I lost a bit, especially when the doc put me on fluoxetine, I stopped taking these though as I couldnt sleep!
Have you tried the Breathing exercises and muscle exercises which help with anxiety?
Love
Jayne x

pearl79

20-02-12, 21:11

macc noodle

20-02-12, 21:26

Pearl

Why not make an appt at the docs - explain how you feel (or even write it down and show the doc if you feel unable to speak about it - I have done this before now) and ask for a referral for some CBT or counselling.

:hugs:

pearl79

20-02-12, 21:39

i have an assesment on the 1st to see what is the best type of counciling is best for me xx

kingkong

20-02-12, 21:43

Hi Pearl,

It might be a good idea to talk to your GP about your symptoms. Dont hesitate to discuss in detail and ask all questions. If it helps, it might be a good idea to write down all your concerns and write all the responses. That way, you can make sure you have covered everything.

You might also want to request a detailed scan to give your mind a bit of comfort.

pearl79

20-02-12, 21:49

kingkong

20-02-12, 22:07

Within the last 12 months i have had

2 x full bloods.. normal
a smear.... normal
1 abdominal x ray.... normal
1 pelvic CT scan.... normal
1 external pelvic ultrasound... normal
3 cervical examinations... normal
1 rectal examination... normal
2 internal examination....normal
2 x vaginal swabs.... normal

I just dont feel satisfied.. cuz things can be missed cant they:shrug:

Yes. I agree. things can be missed. There are limitations to every assessment procedures. I dont have a medical background, but do a lot of data analysis. I also used to get worried about the borderline results.

We call them type 1 errors ( ie something present, but missed out, which is a serious error) and type 2 errors ( ie something not present, but reported incorrectly, which is not serious). But the data analysis techniques are wired to reduce type 1 error to acceptable levels, but I will have to agree that there is a very small probability that things can be missed.

Things getting so specialised and compartmentalised nowadays, I wonder if the medical profession sees us a bunch of nuts and bolts.

But considering the number of tests you had, I would consider the probability of missing out something is negligible as there is bound to be some overlap between what the tests actually see.

Catgroover

21-02-12, 03:15

every single thought is about me..... me...... me............ god thats awful isnt it, but i just cant stop. my head wont let me stop thinking..... i think i may have actually hit a all time low ...evenmy mum has now decided enough is enough and she cant cope with me any more, bless her she has enough ofher own troubles let alone dealing with me ringing her a 4am crying or in a panic attack.......

please i want this to go away :( :weep:

The reason you are focusing on having cancer is that you are anxious and unhappy. The fixation could be anything - that a spider is living under your pillow, that someone has emptied your bank account etc. It doesn't sound like there is any reason to seriously believe you are ill - the weight loss is probably as you are not eating due to the anxiety. Would another doctor's reassurances help you? Or do you think you'd fixate on something else instead? I find acupuncture is very good to relax and shirk off panic syndrome for a while. When you are feeling calm break your panic cycle down logically in your head and start to relax..... good luck! It's very common to have a fear of illness....

Gaspa79

21-02-12, 07:08

Hey pearl,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. One thing that really helps me and maybe you should try is exercising a little bit when I'm too anxious (like go for a run or something while listening to your ipod, that's what I do). Also I like to tell myself in the mirror before going for the run that everything is in my head, and I'm the one generating this anxiety which is just that, anxiety. I also tell myself that I have to be thankful for how healthy I am. Sidenote: To do so, I've visited lonely people in hospitals (you can do that in Argentina), and I saw horrible things which I didn't know they were *that* horrible (especially parkinson and MS). I admired some of them for being happy and energetic while unhealthy. This popped a question: how could I be less happy and more anxious than them, given our health conditions? (My case is just like yours: every exam I take, turns out I'm ok)

Anyway, if you're like me, you'd be surprised how much this can do for you. The trick for me is to figure out that YOU'RE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF, UNLIKE OTHER DISEASES I'VE SEEN YOU HAVE COMPLETE POWER TO MAKE YOURSELF AT LEAST A LITTLE BETTER, AND YOU DESERVE THAT. That thought combined with the endorphins of exercising, the distraction the exercise also provides, and good music really makes me better and turns out that after 2 months I'm escaping HA little by little, I'm in a stage which I'm really better now =-).

I hope this helps, please: hang in there. Try every advice you read here. The key is REALLY WANTING TO GET OUT OF THIS HA NONSENSE (because it's just that!) AND FEEL BETTER =-)

Best of luck, honestly

pearl79

21-02-12, 08:02

thankyou thankyou thats a lovely reply.. I will definately try exersizing, i think it will also help the adrenaline.
I think it would be so easy to tell my self that im ok, but im just so frightened to shut off from my worries just incase i miss something, i just frightened to let my guard down. Theres just that niggle in the back of my mind telling me to be aware.... and i cant shut it off....

Gaspa79

22-02-12, 04:50

You're welcome! And glad to hear you will try that =). So yeah, once in this forum, someone told me that exercising (is that the correct spelling?) helps with the adrenaline. If you want to, let me know if running turned out being good for you.

Best of luck

purplehippo

22-02-12, 06:18

awww Pearl
im in very simular boat its terrifying isnt it,and as a mother you feel worry for the kids and also guilt for thinking so much about ha and sad that sometimes we should be enjoying time more with our kids rather than worrying all the time. I think that guilt just adds to the pressure doesnt it xxxx
if i were you id go to the gp again,i go far too much but sometimes in a really bad spell its the only way to get by,thinking of you xxxx

pearl79

22-02-12, 07:57

thanks purple hippo <3

MandySlade

22-02-12, 08:53

I've said this in so many threads now that I almost want to keep it in a file on my computer so I can copy/paste it, lol:

ANXIETY -CAUSES- WEIGHTLOSS

It's a cycle. A few years ago I had a really bad depressive episode that culminated in -days- of not sleeping. Literally no sleep at all. This of course increased my anxiety. The more anxious I got, the less appetite I had. At the time, I neglected to see the connection as just anxiety. Instead, what I did was convince myself I had cancer. The phobia of cancer increased my anxiety.. my anxiety increase caused more lack of appetite. Even though I -thought- I was eating right, when I look back I realize I was only nibbling, picking, etc.. or I'd convince myself I was sick to my stomach and not complete meals. As soon as I made an -effort- to eat right and to IGNORE the thoughts about being ill/not having an appetite, I started putting on weight again.