View Full Version : Too Much Alone Time
I was wondering how many of us don’t work due to agoraphobia, social anxiety or other problems. If this applies to you, do you have a partner that works? How do you cope with too much ‘Alone Time’? I have been alone for eleven hours so far today and have another three hours to go. I find it very hard sometimes. Apologies to those reading this who are rushed off their feet. But the other extreme can be just as wearisome.
I dont work..mainly cos there is no work down here where i am...
my hubby works from home at least 3 days a week, infact this week he is only out thursday.
But although hes here im still alone, if that makes sense? hes in the study/office all day... so yes i can still chat if i want i guess... and i have the dogs, and never feel completely alone when i have them.... i watch tv, or read... or come on here!
I have been off work for over 6 months now, I dont normally go out, no friends. Im normally quite a bubbly character, named the 'rottweiller' at work, but Im taking time out from people, I do alone well, Im not sure if its agoraphobia or just my dislike of people and being with them, what started yours Rain?
I don't work. I live with my sister who works full tim. I do all the thinking and she does all the running around shopping and running errands.
I do all the housework, gardening, decorating at home. Even if I worked I'd still have to do it as she is not interested at all.
Very seldom get bored. I take the dog out about an hour each day and as I am working hard at overcoming the agoraphobia I go out for a short walk without him.
At home I fill my time with lots of interests. At the moment I'm knitting for premmie babies and sewing little dresses for Africa and activity mats for alzheimers patients.
I'm a bit of a loner anyway so it seldom worries me too much.
bless ya flossie, well done you for helping others x
eight days a week
20-02-12, 20:00
I am all alone. I spend all day alone in my room.
I am carer for my dad. He can walk (reasonably) and dress and shower himself, so he only needs me for some things. But, when he needs me he REALLY needs me.
I was always very shy and nervous around people when younger. When I worked, every day had some element of fear and dread in it, but I coped somehow and managed to function.
One day in the summer of 2001 I was in a restaurant with my partner and we had just been presented with our fancy meals. I had a huge panic attack and had to leave. Neither of us got to eat our meals as I was unable to return but we still had to pay for them. As you can imagine I felt dreadful about it.
Things got progressively worse until I had a full psychotic breakdown in April 2003 and was hospitalised. You could say that despite lots of different kinds of therapy, normal services were never resumed.
sickandtired
20-02-12, 20:07
I havent worked for over 2 years......lost all my confidence...and would only do a job that fits in with my kids (dinner lady ideal)
I keep looking and there are a few in my local schools,but I just cant find the courage to go for it yet
and I couldnt work in a shop...id be scared to death of having a PA.....and no escape route.....I like menial jobs where i can get stuck in and be in my own little world,lol....cleaning,cooking etc
Although I have plenty to do around the house and have a great hobby (familyhistory)
I really miss adult company and being part of a 'workforce' ......though my dear friend is coming to visit at the weekend.....really looking forward to seeing her x
my hubby is self employed and works long hours....and at weekends he,s always doing something with a van or a car........he thinks being a stay at home mum is great and i sit with my mates all the time drinking brews....if only!! (they all work)
i get lonely sometimes,especially now the kids are getting older and always at their friends.I keep saying im going to join our local walking club but still havent done anything about it....lazy bugger i am
I was painfully shy as a kid, but homelife was awful so I can reason that as to why, now, normally Im the outgoing one, 'shes a laugh' and normally I am, I cover my hurt well and carry on. Panic set in with work, shop floor stuff I worked out in the garden centre yard and am happy to be there alone, but the days crept in when 'cant face work' thats not being lazy stay in bed day thats a I CANT FACE WORK
to now where I know my panic has taken over and I dont like anything controlling me, Im my own person, and im a tuff old cow, but panic has taken over and fear has got the better of me,but it will not beat me
I've been unemployed for 2 months now and I'm normally alone between 9 in the morning till 10 at night. It's especially hard when my boyfriend works. The small number of friends I have are all in uni so I don't get to go out unless I go to my family home.
I'm just thankful that I start work again this week because being alone for the past two weeks has started to make me feel very lonely and down and it's playing all sorts of havoc with my anxiety right now.
little wren
06-03-12, 13:49
Hi Rain, made me laugh... 'You could say that despite lots of different kinds of therapy, normal services were never resumed'...like it! I have agoraphobia and am effectively housebound although working on exposure therapy (not going well at moment). I find I get worse when I have nothing to focus on each day. I am thinking of doing another OU course just to get through the day. One hobby I am interested in is photograpy - just 'direct and shoot' easy stuff (saving up for a little camera). I figure that when I do go out I am very hypervigilant and notice all kinds of things that others, who take going out for granted, miss so I may get some good snaps (probs. really wobbly ones though!). How do you spend the weekends with your partner when he is home and available? I find it hard to find things to do together when I am so housebound.
Hi Rain , i find winter time worse , i do work , although as i,m the boss i find lots of time to do nothing , at least in summer i can take dogs for long walks and got out on my motorbike , i am not agrophobic all though i,m quite happy to be alone indoors
Good Luck
Blade
I've been umemployed for 8 months and have found that the lack of social contact has made me feel worse. Being alone all day means I have more time to think and worry about things with nothing to distract me. I also feel distant from the world and outside of everything. I try to get out volunteering and meeting friends but it isn't enough. I've really lost my confidence and feel even more anxious and shy when it comes to interacting on a 'serious' basis with potential employers etc.
I was advised to take time off work by my then counsellor, and the GP agreed so signed me off on the sick. As a result, I spend more time alone and have gone back to being agoraphobic - can't face shops, taking the kids to school, going out generally.
It's easy with the benefit of hindsight, but I'm starting to think I should have tried to struggle along in work. I don't find it easy to force myself to go out, when i always have the option to avoid the anxiety and stay indoors. When I was in work I didn't feel I had the option, so at least I was out and about every day, even if it was difficult.
LittleMissSleepy
12-03-12, 11:42
I spend a lot of time alone, you have to learn how to keep busy. Once I didn't seen anyone, not even postie for 6 weeks while my OH was working away from home, when it should have been 2.
But I have to say I've never felt lonelier when I was in a crowd at a friend's party/disco at uni. My agoraphobia has waxed and waned over the decades. I'm currently at a low phase due to increased anxiety and poor health. Too much time alone definitely is not good for the mind, with to much time for rumination.
pineapplegoddess
26-03-12, 02:06
It's nice to know that I'm not the only person out there who can't work due from bad, major anxiety. I live with my mom but most days she just ignores me and the emotional crisis I go through. I have siblings who think I'm just some crazy person because not only am I constantly having panic attacks but I get horrible mood swings. It hurts a lot knowing that my own family isn't very supportive of my condition. I struggle from it and most the time I'm blaming myself for being such a wreck. I spend 24/7 alone, in my room, watching movies so the endless thoughts would just stop. I try finding hobbies that interest me but I'm so lost in my own fears that I'm afraid to get out of the house and just live life. Everyone I know is always telling me that I'm not the same person anymore, that I lost who I once was and that, just makes me even more disappointed in myself.
I think i probably spend around 15 hours a week with someone and the rest of the time i spend alone in my room....the annoying thing is that even though i was a bit shy now and again, amongst my friends i was a very bubbly and outgoing member of the group until i started getting bad I.B.S symptoms and anxiety about leaving the house/travelling. I think the thing that made it worse was quitting a job i had been doing for 50 hours a week for two years, i spent 9 or 12 hours 5 days a week with colleagues i liked and talking to customers but my bosses were racist/sexist and often made very nasty comments to me and other staff members, basically acting like because they paid us they owned us. Now i'm studying with the OU which is probably good in terms of building a career but taking away the thing that forced me to leave the house has really made everything so much harder now.
AnxiousAnnie18
29-03-12, 17:37
I don't work due to my anxieties and had to drop out of school/college due to it too (I'm 18) I don't have a partner but at the moment I'm not alone a lot of the time which is great as I feel having people around occupies my mind (I'm alone now and I've ended up here panicking!) I was alone a lot of the time a year or so ago though and I hated it, I hate to be left alone with my thoughts...Nightime is the worst! I wish I could work I'm really eager to start my career and get out there but I'm held back by this constant panic it's horrible! I find forums do help, lots of noise T.V/Music and occupying the mind with anything like reading, writing etc. I have spent a lot of time alone and can say it does get easier, you get used to your own company!
Alone for 24 hrs a day everyday. Think im going insane. I hate it. Ive tried to get a job and new friends but to no avail. Best part of my life is when I go to sleep. Life just sucks does'nt it.
I havent worked for years I whinge that I am isolated to my hubby as we live far away from many family and friends but honestly unless its to the shop (the local one) first thing with no crowds I often don't go out I am so scared of even basic family errands and events. I'm certain people perceive me as a snob or lazy but truth be told its just such a large draining habit that I some how need to snap out of..... I eve considered groceries online but the fear of lack of vitamin d and getting out of the house overrides it
I spend alot of time on my own!
theharvestmouse
05-05-12, 22:46
So do I because I'm fed up of people, you can't rely on anyone.
I spend a lot of time alone as well, my job is flexible so I only go out for that when I need to...I really don't have many or any irl friends(haha sad I know) I spend a lot of my time on the computer or doing things around the house. My ex husband and I share custody of our daughter every other week so the weeks she is not here are especially bad! Though I am somewhat myself a loner it is nice at times to have some company to thin the loneliness out a bit.
I went for almost a decade out of work due to agoraphobia, so now I have started a job from home. Working from home is good, as long as it's not too time consuming because then it would mean no time to work on going out! I would recommend working from home if you can find something suitable. I remember year after year of being housebound and alone and it was the worst time of my life.
Studying is also good. I studied from home to get a qualification I could actually USE. It's definitely worth looking into that. It's tough to finance but there might be help in the form of loans, or grants from charities.
It is so, so hard to live like this. Other people would just never understand.
I don't work as I am full time mum to my little one and school age kids. But I don't know if I ever will be able to work again due to the anxiety. My confidence is awful. not just through being home for so long, i was always that way. I like my own company luckily. I like mixing abit at the school etc. but don't really have many close friends I see often. And making new ones terrifies me; just having them round to my house send s me into a panic as I am useless as keeping it tidy etc.
Hi Rain, Ive only just read your post. I'm the same as you, although I mostly prefer my time alone. I sketch a lot, which fills time up. I become very irritable with people around me at home, which sounds terrible!.. The very thought of going back to work fills me with dread.... I used to work in an office and the stress of all those people around me nearly caused me to have a nervous breakdown. I don't like to go out much, it's rare that I leave the house these days.. sometimes I have trouble going out into the garden. Indoors is where I feel safe
I have been out of work for years because of social anxiety and depression. I feel isolated much of the time. When I am alone in my own thoughts that is when my anxiety can spiral. It is difficult to meet people when you have social anxiety.
I am not working at the moment and even though I have a teenage son, I feel very lonely most of the time, I cannot burden him with my problems, so pretend that everything is OK, when really I am as wound up as a clockwork toy 24/7.
I have social anxiety and am trying to tackle it possitively, by forcing myself into situations that scare me and bring on panic - no improvement as yet.........
I have been on and off with the Agorophobia for years now, having dogs helps, I can't stand their sad begging faces staring at me for too long, only in winter when the weather is too bad.
I find alone time makes my mind play tricks on me :-(
arsenalfun
25-06-12, 09:18
Bro you need a gf/woman:P
I'd like to say that I have HORRIBLE anxiety & panic attacks& I found your post intriguing because with me, I am alone a lot which can give me too much time to think, triggering many fearful thoughts, but then too much stimuli triggers HORRIBLE PANIC. Either extreme sets off Fear for me. I do understand what u mean about alone time being too much, because I do experience it quite often.
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