dreamingwolf
21-02-12, 02:37
We were together for almost 2 years. I had moved to a different state and met him at a job that I got. We moved in together. I was in love with him. It was not an ideal relationship; we fought a lot, he had an alcohol abuse problem, and we were constantly saying hurtful things to each other. It was "one of those." Anyway, I ended up quitting my job and moving back to my home state after he pushed me too far. I moved in with my mom. We were still on good terms though, and we were planning on making it work somehow. He lived about 5 hours away, and would come visit me every month. Distance makes the heart grow fond...
We travelled around the country together that summer which was amazing. But we fought a lot still. Anyway, after the summer was over i moved back in with him. And it was worst than ever, we fought so much and he was just mean to me for no reason. That was the main reason we were fighting. It got so bad that I had to leave again and move back in with my mother in a different state, again having to quit my job.
After I got back I started drinking a lot to bury my problems, going out and having fun with my friends etc. I ended up hooking up with my ex boyfriend (bad idea.)
During this time, I was speaking with my ex, calling him, texting him, trying to get him to take me back. I was panicked, I was trapped again in my hometown with no way out. He was always my way out. I'd call him drunk sobbing my brains out asking for him to give us a second chance. And he wouldnt. I had so many memories with him that I feel like i could never forget.
Then I realized that he wasnt going to take me back. This led to the onslaught of the emotions I'm currently experiencing.
I couldnt get out of my bed for a week, couldn't eat, barely could sleep and if I did it was with nightmares. I had such bad panicky feelings and I was anxiety ridden. My head was spinning.
I am still going through this, I had a break from it for a couple weeks, but it returned after I called him drunkenly one night. Since then I have given up drinking and cut off contact with him.
It has been about a month that I have been experiencing this, maybe longer. I can not find employment, so I am home by myself all day. For awhile I was and still am worried that I can't handle a job right now. My anxiety is terrible, and recently I started having irrational fears of losing control of myself and doing something crazy. My head hurts so bad (tension headaches) and all I want to do is be myself again. I am normally a very happy go lucky person- I've never experienced depression&anxiety as extremely as I have until now.
At times I feel like I'll never get over this, and I'll never be myself again. This is the hardest & scariest thing I've ever been through.
We travelled around the country together that summer which was amazing. But we fought a lot still. Anyway, after the summer was over i moved back in with him. And it was worst than ever, we fought so much and he was just mean to me for no reason. That was the main reason we were fighting. It got so bad that I had to leave again and move back in with my mother in a different state, again having to quit my job.
After I got back I started drinking a lot to bury my problems, going out and having fun with my friends etc. I ended up hooking up with my ex boyfriend (bad idea.)
During this time, I was speaking with my ex, calling him, texting him, trying to get him to take me back. I was panicked, I was trapped again in my hometown with no way out. He was always my way out. I'd call him drunk sobbing my brains out asking for him to give us a second chance. And he wouldnt. I had so many memories with him that I feel like i could never forget.
Then I realized that he wasnt going to take me back. This led to the onslaught of the emotions I'm currently experiencing.
I couldnt get out of my bed for a week, couldn't eat, barely could sleep and if I did it was with nightmares. I had such bad panicky feelings and I was anxiety ridden. My head was spinning.
I am still going through this, I had a break from it for a couple weeks, but it returned after I called him drunkenly one night. Since then I have given up drinking and cut off contact with him.
It has been about a month that I have been experiencing this, maybe longer. I can not find employment, so I am home by myself all day. For awhile I was and still am worried that I can't handle a job right now. My anxiety is terrible, and recently I started having irrational fears of losing control of myself and doing something crazy. My head hurts so bad (tension headaches) and all I want to do is be myself again. I am normally a very happy go lucky person- I've never experienced depression&anxiety as extremely as I have until now.
At times I feel like I'll never get over this, and I'll never be myself again. This is the hardest & scariest thing I've ever been through.