Getting back to me
22-02-12, 09:19
Well here I am that funny, outgoing ,bubbly, sociable ,glass half full type of girl ....But Im not now am I ! That person got lost along the way somehow .I dont know how ,why or where it happened but I do know that I will find her again ,someday ,somewhere ,somehow .
Well off I pop to my GP with head in hands ,shaking ,crying ,desolate and devoid of all other emotion but fear and he gently reassures me that I am indeed not going mad or have any of the umpteen 101 different illneses I have come to convince myself I am sufering from, but what I do have is Anxiety .Me I ask ? Are you sure ?
Give me the magic cure doc I demand because I cannot do this anymore ,this experience which leaves me deflated and cut off from all .This isnt me and I dont want to be this person I have become any longer .
And then he gives me it ,a tiny bit of white paper with a name and number on .Its not a magic cure he says because you will have to work hard ,listen and open your mind to the fact that there may just be an alternative to the daily grind you endure each day .So I take the piece of paper and ring the number written down .I now find myself enrolled on a CBT course.
Session one and I am in a room full of strangers .I feel panic rising and veiw the doorway .I need to get out ,I need to get out ,but hey that would be embarrasing wouldnt it so I remain in my seat .I tell myself that no one understands just look at them all .What do they know eh and then I catch a glimpse of whats going on around me and finally start to listen as my heart rate decreases and my sweaty palms subside .I find out that indeed there may be ,just may be a solution to my daily torment but I do have to open my mind,work hard and listen .And I do .
Session two .I enter the room without my heart in my mouth this time and sit calmly and quietly with all around me.I listen and think this may work if I just even give it half as much energy and thought as I do to googling every random illness on an hourly basis and what I put myself through with every ache ,twinge or pain .I take away my fact sheet and the feeling that today I have achieved an enormous ammount not least the fact that I remained there and didnt panic .
I dont know if CBT will work for me as its still early days but I do know that it has given me something else to focus on apart from impending doom .I would appreciate hearing what other peoples experiences of it are .
Well off I pop to my GP with head in hands ,shaking ,crying ,desolate and devoid of all other emotion but fear and he gently reassures me that I am indeed not going mad or have any of the umpteen 101 different illneses I have come to convince myself I am sufering from, but what I do have is Anxiety .Me I ask ? Are you sure ?
Give me the magic cure doc I demand because I cannot do this anymore ,this experience which leaves me deflated and cut off from all .This isnt me and I dont want to be this person I have become any longer .
And then he gives me it ,a tiny bit of white paper with a name and number on .Its not a magic cure he says because you will have to work hard ,listen and open your mind to the fact that there may just be an alternative to the daily grind you endure each day .So I take the piece of paper and ring the number written down .I now find myself enrolled on a CBT course.
Session one and I am in a room full of strangers .I feel panic rising and veiw the doorway .I need to get out ,I need to get out ,but hey that would be embarrasing wouldnt it so I remain in my seat .I tell myself that no one understands just look at them all .What do they know eh and then I catch a glimpse of whats going on around me and finally start to listen as my heart rate decreases and my sweaty palms subside .I find out that indeed there may be ,just may be a solution to my daily torment but I do have to open my mind,work hard and listen .And I do .
Session two .I enter the room without my heart in my mouth this time and sit calmly and quietly with all around me.I listen and think this may work if I just even give it half as much energy and thought as I do to googling every random illness on an hourly basis and what I put myself through with every ache ,twinge or pain .I take away my fact sheet and the feeling that today I have achieved an enormous ammount not least the fact that I remained there and didnt panic .
I dont know if CBT will work for me as its still early days but I do know that it has given me something else to focus on apart from impending doom .I would appreciate hearing what other peoples experiences of it are .