job hunt and interview anxiety

[Oddfish]

Over the last few years anxiety has started to get the better of me and it the worst of it always comes down to stress in a job or the stress of not having a job!

I am a people person on a social level but have never been good at communicating verbally on a professional or 'serious' level. I can pull off a good, structured presentation if needs be, but I really struggle in the context of meetings, interviews etc. I never want to speak up and can never come up with relevant questions, answers or comments. I tend to tune out and find it hard to concentrate on what is being said, probably because I am too busy worrying about not saying anything and looking like an idiot. I have always been this way. I also have a bit of social anxiety when it comes to things like making phonecalls, arranging meetings, builders coming to the house etc. I get myself into a state and avoid things where possible. I've always been very highly strung and unable to cope with stress.

Luckily I used to work in a field that didn't involve a lot of this and was in a professional position gaining a doctorate, but now I am out of work and I find job hunting triggers a huge anxiety response.

I absolutely hate job hunting and interviews and I think a lot of it is down to the fact that I am constantly being judged and rejected. Most days I can't even job hunt as I just burst into tears, then when I do applications I have no motivation and don't complete half of them because I think there is no point (or I'm scared that I will actually get an interview and have to sell myself!). In 7 months I have been offered 5 interviews but have pulled out of three of them because I haven't been able to face them.

This all started in 2009 when I started to burn out and became crippled with anxiety and depression and began to 'fail' on the job. On the back of this I stupidly took a job I didn't want involving a relocation just to escape and the anxiety involved lead to a breakdown (and a huge, embarrassing fail on the job) so I resigned, then I had 6 months unemployment which threw me off the rails again, then got offered a job (without application or interview) which cured me to a degree, but it involved a lot of social interaction which I found quite exhausting (and at one point I nearly got fired because I started to avoid the stuff I hated as I was too anxious), then I was made redundant and I've struggled ever since!

I just don't know what to do any more as on paper I look like quite a good candidate but all my life I have fought what I know lies beneith - the anxiety and depression and now I feel like I can't escape them. It is overtaking my life because I know now anytime I face a life change they automatically come along and ruin me. I hate being unemployed but at the same time I find it comfortable and I just want to stay hidden away forever avoiding the issue. I feel like I won't be able to cope with any job I get. HELP!

[cattttt]

Have you thought about lowering your sights a bit and doing something not so demanding? That would be a start and give you confidence because you'd be really good at it.

[Connor_cbt]

Hi tricky,
Your experiences sound very similar to mine, have you had any kind of treatment for your difficulties with anxiety and/or depression?

[Oddfish]

I've always taken antidepressants during depressive episodes but I'm not sure that they really work. I've just started taking them again now and I'm on the waiting list for CBT.

I think I have almost accepted that I am going to have to get a less demanding role but I think I am having a bit of trouble coming to terms with it. I was happier with the roles I had in my 20's but you were kind of expected to move up in the jobs I had (and to be honest at the time I was quite bored and frustrated with the level I was at), so I did and I soon realised I didn't like it!

A lot of my anxiety now stems from not knowing what I want to do. I'm 35 now and feel like people view me as too experienced and overqualified for the lower jobs - they tend to hire newbies in their 20's. I also have the problem of having zero interest in the career I had. I think the burn out finished me off and I never want to go back to it, so I feel a bit stuck. I also think that when people see my CV they expect something I know I am not, so that adds pressure in interviews.

At the moment I am volunteering for a nonprofit which I enjoy, but it is really hard to get paid jobs in that field right now because of the recession. That said, as a volunteer I can pick and choose what I do so it's not like a real job, and if I got a job at the level I like, the pay would be pretty poor.

[Gareth]

Hi trickyvee,

Your post is very interesting to me, as recently I have felt a building anxiety at work. I am someone who never really knew what they wanted to do, (I'm 37 now), but I think I value success and strive for it. For years, throughout my 20s in fact, I struggled with anxiety over being a "failure". When I finally got a job I could see myself enjoying and being good at (when I was 30) I worked incredibly hard to claw back what I felt was years and years of lost time, and now, 7 years later, I am in senior position, in a job I want to stay in, but a job that does cause me stress and is hard work.

Some life stress, health problems, and working so hard for so long, triggered a re-emergence of my anxiety problems at the beginning of 2011. My anxiety spilled over INTO the workplace for the first time, and I started to become hugely anxious about my performance in meetings, and really whenever I was required to speak at work. This has built and built to the point where it is now crippling, and I am really really struggling with it. I feel a huge building of anxiety when required to speak, especially in front of large groups or senior people, and really struggle to contain a welling up of emotion. The thing is, I am not yet avoiding it, because I am determined to continue to work, so life becomes kind of intolerable, dealing with it every single day, and totally exhausting.

All of this is compounded by the fact that I am in the process of buying a house with my partner, and this has been stressful, and that I feel the burden of responsibility very heavily on my shoulders, having just having had me to worry about for a little while, and now planning to be the primary bread-winner in the relationship. I have long struggled with a catastrophic belief at the core of myself that I will crumble into a mental health disaster, not be able to work, lose everything, and end up on the streets, a total destitute failure.

It is likely with you that you are someone who has always given themselves a hard time, and you're probably a bit of perfectionist. You see nothing you do as good enough, and criticise yourself a lot with your internal monologue. It may be also that you have some kind of catastrophic inner belief about something that will happen to you, or about your future.

I have started 50mg of Sertraline (Zoloft) which has turned the dial of my anxiety volume down a bit, but hasn't taken away the core problem. I have also had a couple of sessions of CBT, which is teaching me the beliefs and thought processes that my anxiety stems from, and methods for trying to find a way out of it. If you can get a referral from your doctor for CBT, or fund it yourself, please do so. Even having someone telling me that what I am going through is normal, and natural, and something that CAN be treated, has given me a boost. I am nowhere near over it, and I think that will take a long time, but I am working at it, and I have some hope.

Don't give up on yourself. You will have got to the place where you are at through years and years and years of giving yourself inappropriate messages, and teaching your mind to be inappropriately scared of situations which are actually completely safe. There is a way out, but it will require work on your part. While you are not at work, use this opportunity to work on YOURSELF.

PM me if you'd like, it sounds like we could support each other. Best of luck,

Gareth

[xshellyx]

i can relate to everything your saying here the joys of social anxiety :weep:

[Lucyg]

Hi
This sounds just like me, have just taken a job where I have to be very social, I just can't cope the aniexty is at bursting point. Have just gained my level 3 in my profession but have decided I just want a job I can do without any stress. I don't know what to do for the best, I agree with cattts reply it makes sense.