View Full Version : Things people say
On this thread we try to distill those choice words that help you up or put you down
1( Just be a man about it
2)This too shall pass
Hey your go ..Choice words of wisdom or words that make you pull your hair out
Just try and stay calm!
(why didnt i think about that):madness:
"Cheer up, it might never happen!"
What do you say to that?
And how do they know it hasn't already happened?
'Life's too short to worry' - wrong in so many ways.
'Remember you've felt like this before and you got through it' - only just but true nonetheless.
Pip
"stay positive" if i could stay positive then i wouldn't feel like throwing myself out that window
Wipe that i wouldn't feel like throwing you out that window
---------- Post added at 12:02 ---------- Previous post was at 11:59 ----------
Snap yourself out of it ... well well i never though of that all these years and it never came into my mind to snap out of it
Think about the poor kids in Africa... well thats really going to make me feel great
At my most recent panic attack my wonderful partner came out with:-
'go and have a shower' and 'take your mind off it, go and do some housework'!
Seriously, no wonder I need medication haha!
:yesyes:Can't imagine freaking out with a panic and being in a shower sounds like a slip wanting to happen.. but i bet he meant well , unless he is trying to knock you off
william wallace
23-02-12, 12:53
How about, "How can you be depressed, you were laughing a minute ago":D
pull yourself together or my favourite its just a panic attack they wont kill you,,nooo maybe not but if you was going through this daily we,ll see how you cope lol
I actually like saying "this too shall pass." I use that whenever I am in a panic state, as I know I will get through it soon. I always have gotten through it and I always will!
But I hate "Just stop worrying." and "Just stop thinking about it." Um that's the problem, I can't
I think the most annoying one for me is '' Its all in the mind''
Erm yes thankyou for that bit of wisdom oh wise ones *face-palm*
'Its just psychosomatic'.......
This is said in a certain way, by someone who actually doesn't understand the true meaning of the word or concept, and is being basically used as a substitute word for 'all-in-your-mind' OR 'made up' OR 'not real' OR 'your imagination'. The person saying it generally thinks they are being quite clever too lol
A good phrase, that I have used to myself a lot is......
'It'll pass soon'
Something in relation to 'having one of your dramas' although my partner has become more understanding recently.
I however don't see it as a drama, I may have a drama over the dishes not being done but anxiety/panic isn't a drama!
I agree with William about the depressed one, I've heard people say about a close friend "Well she cant be depressed, she doesnt act it going around smiling and laughing like that!".
I also hate:
"Cheer up, it might never happen" (As someone else pointed out).
"Just put it out of your mind"
"There's people much worse off than you, you know!"
"I know exactly what you need to do, its....." (Then proceeding to tell me what I should be doing to fix everything.)
"Oh my god, you're so dramatic!"
Can't think of many positives lol, but I will post back if I do :)
'Just stop it' ..'you have got to stop this' ..........'Go swimming it will stop it'................. if only you fool
paula lynne
23-02-12, 22:56
"Get a grip...." my sister
"Pull yourself together Paula"....my mother (a mental health nurse!)
"Whats agoraphobia?" my dad.....after Id had it 10 years............
lord give me strength!
william wallace
23-02-12, 23:00
"Get a grip...." my sister
"Pull yourself together Paula"....my mother (a mental health nurse!)
"Whats agoraphobia?" my dad.....after Id had it 10 years............
lord give me strength!
Agriphobia. - fear of tractors, sheep, potatoes, and combine harvesters:D
paula lynne
23-02-12, 23:22
Good job I dont have that William Wallace, (Gordon)?... living in Wales and all.....:)
You don't look depressed!!??!!
It's just a phase, you'll grow out of it !!??!! - I am 40 in 2 weeks time!!!! :D
If you stop thinking about it, then you won't worry !!??!! - if only it was that simple :)
My doctor dismissed my GAD and depression with this little gem, "All you need is socialisation" before reluctantly writing me a prescription for pregabalin.
Anyone else here need socialising..?
"All you need is socialisation"
Are you sure he wasn't a vet giving puppy advice ?? lol
littleredhen
24-02-12, 07:33
"that which doesn't kills us, serves to make us stronger"
I REALLY HATE THAT!
Just remembered another one. My GP from years ago who I really didn't like was a 70-something year old (I think lol) who worked at the surgery with her husband, and they trained in India years ago and were very old-school with their approach, I've never known anything quite like it.
I was very depressed at the time and confided in her about my granddad sexually abusing me age 9 and that my a boy tried to rape me when I was 13. She rolled her eyes and said "Thousands of women get raped every day in African countries and other third world places and they dont make a big fuss about it, they just get on with it and deal with it. You are not the first person to have this kind of thing and lots of women have had it alot worse than you so you just need to forget it like they do, its not as if you've actually been raped! And they aren't sitting crying about it like you are".
Just remembered another one. My GP from years ago who I really didn't like was a 70-something year old (I think lol) who worked at the surgery with her husband, and they trained in India years ago and were very old-school with their approach, I've never known anything quite like it.
I was very depressed at the time and confided in her about my granddad sexually abusing me age 9 and that my a boy tried to rape me when I was 13. She rolled her eyes and said "Thousands of women get raped every day in African countries and other third world places and they dont make a big fuss about it, they just get on with it and deal with it. You are not the first person to have this kind of thing and lots of women have had it alot worse than you so you just need to forget it like they do, its not as if you've actually been raped! And they aren't sitting crying about it like you are".
That makes my GP look like doctor Kildare!
I'm quite staggered by that...at first I laughed but then I couldn't believe it.
I hope that was a long time ago and that you've had better experiences since.
Definition of socialisation from Dictionary.com : 1.psychol the modification from infancy of an individual's behaviour to conform with the demands of social life.
2.the act of socializing or the state of being socialized.
I'm now going out to socialise. When I come back my GAD will be gone - yipee:yahoo:
In fact I'm off to see my GP to get some more pregabalin:blush:
Oh and to see about my dodgy knee. Maybe that needs socialising too as it rarely gets out these days....
Ha yes its crazy isnt it Robin, but she definitely said that as well as lots of other weird things. And when I wasnt seeing her it was her husband who was equally as nutty. It was about 5 years ago and I moved out of the area so changed GP's, thankfully! As I said they were very old-school and thought that depression and anxiety was just overreaction! They were really old and had trained years ago so were maybe just out of touch with modern life, I dont know...was bizarre.
Hope your knee gets socialised :D
mashedbanana
24-02-12, 10:51
Blimey Crystal, that's horrible! I'm sure the stiff upper lip and suffer in silence policy is responsible for so many bad things.
One I hate is "We've all been through it, I know what you're going through". While that's obviously true (otherwise this forum wouldn't exist), it doesn't help the loneliness you feel when in the pits. Everyone comes to mental illness through different routes and very few stories, or ingredients, are the same.
My family say this to me and part of my problem is them! In the nicest possible way of course.
paula lynne
24-02-12, 11:04
Oh Crystal, thats appalling! Im at a loss to understand how that Gp managed to stay on the register and continue practicing for so long with an attitude like that!! She must have forgotten shed taken the hippocratic oath. :mad:
Definition of socialisation from Dictionary.com : 1.psychol the modification from infancy of an individual's behaviour to conform with the demands of social life.
2.the act of socializing or the state of being socialized.
Yes, I know :) ....however....I've never heard it used quite like that in the context of people - 'you need socialisation'.Only ever heard that used by people training puppies and introducing them to other doggies to build their doggy skills lol.
Usually people say to other adults 'you should socialise more' as 'socialisation' implies that you have the social skills of a baby and need to be taught how to interact with people.
Granny Primark
24-02-12, 11:37
I hate when people say "its just attention seeking, its just in your mind that you feel depressed"
Yes, I know :) ....however....I've never heard it used quite like that in the context of people - 'you need socialisation'.Only ever heard that used by people training puppies and introducing them to other doggies to build their doggy skills lol.
Usually people say to other adults 'you should socialise more' as 'socialisation' implies that you have the social skills of a baby and need to be taught how to interact with people.
Woof.
Oh, and where's my dummy?:D.
I am at least potty trained now...
---------- Post added at 11:49 ---------- Previous post was at 11:46 ----------
Thinking about it, maybe he was right...I do have social anxiety and fear of social interaction...answer, go out there and socialise...simple!
Please understand, that your loved ones don't know what to say. Perhaps a more productive thread would be "What I Wish People Would Say".
I have been told that encouragement is the best thing to say to people with anxiety/depression. Reassuring them that i love them no matter what, and ensuring that they know that they have my support, even if I can't help them with something, I will take you to your appointments.
But by the same token I have also been told by health professionals, friends, and family "Just cut them out of your life, they are draining you" which can also be true. Please don't attack, but it's especially difficult when someone won't seek help for an issue (or issues) they have, but expect you to come up with the answers. The 40th time you hear "But I'm having a panic attack and you don't care" when it's breaking your heart, but that person won't go and speak to a doctor/health professional/support group/even internet forum, it becomes really difficult. Because either you continue to say that they're right and nothing can be done and this is the way this person's life has to be, or you have to say, well actually, why don't we do something about this? I know it's scary but is it not more scary to think about living the rest of your life feeling like this?
I know I'm not qualified to comment, and we all need to vent, but if one of you could start up a thread of "what I wish my loved ones would say and/or do to help me" that would be really awesome.
xx Peace to all. Lex.
angel wings
24-02-12, 13:20
my doctor told me to just chill out arrrghhh i could have knocked him off his chair
my doctor told me to just chill out arrrghhh i could have knocked him off his chair
Get a grip,:D angelwings
angel wings
24-02-12, 13:45
lol
my doctor told me its all in my head, even when I had to cope with a meeting with my boss on returning to work, 'so actually there is nothing wrong with you' erm yeah Im having a great time!
My doctor called me a 'control freak' and a Vulcan :roflmao:I took it all in the context it was meant.....my mind has to be in control of what is happening around me, if not it can't cope and goes into Panic mode. And the Vulcan thing....I suppress my feelings & emotions as a way of dealing with anx/panic, like to protect myself. I guess I'd have to agree to a point and it did make me think. Also one of my colleagues calls me 'the ice queen' ....think my long suffering partner would agree with all this :madness:
Oh Crystal, thats appalling! Im at a loss to understand how that Gp managed to stay on the register and continue practicing for so long with an attitude like that!! She must have forgotten shed taken the hippocratic oath. :mad:
I don't know how either of them continued actually, and the surgery itself was very odd, like an old school classroom from the 1950's! Everything was so old fashioned. It was like stepping back in time going in there, and sometimes I wondered what they were going to say next! Wish I'd made a complaint looking back...
you are lovely kittikat dont let anyone tell you otherwise :)
you are lovely kittikat dont let anyone tell you otherwise :)
Thanks Sam, you're an angel :) really appreciate your kind words. Hope you're doing ok hun xx
"go on , you will enjoy yourself " .... no i really wont
angel wings
24-02-12, 20:19
like that one blade....:) get that all the time !!!
morning_blues
24-02-12, 20:32
Good point Dallas - "Please understand, that your loved ones don't know what to say. Perhaps a more productive thread would be "What I Wish People Would Say"."
When I was really bad my poor partner just did not know what to do. I'd be there in tears, sweating and shaking pleading with him to talk to me and make me feel better. His reply? "But, what do you want me to say?". Aaarrgg! so we have done a bit of coaching on what the helpful responses are, but he still finds it hard and feels helpless - it must be horrible watching someone go through that, and very hard to understand too. At the end of the day I'll settle for cuddles.
people fight cancer, starve, if you wont eat I'll send it to more deserving poeple, reading back that, thats really rather harsh :/
---------- Post added at 21:28 ---------- Previous post was at 21:27 ----------
cuddles take it all away, even if its just ya dog x
people fight cancer, starve, if you wont eat I'll send it to more deserving poeple, reading back that, thats really rather harsh :/
---------- Post added at 21:28 ---------- Previous post was at 21:27 ----------
cuddles take it all away, even if its just ya dog x
Sometimes I think animals understand our feelings more than humans.
I have had some people say to me.You should be happy you now live in lovely country,your husband is doctor you get free medical(not right).you look Ok.why you look so sad.If they only knew :weep:
moirascott
25-02-12, 00:08
"Cant you just snap out of it"
hell ................ no
Gawd, think i might be guilty of some of these myself! For me though the cracker is 'well it's always all about you isn't it'. This killer line is invariably dealt at the end of a lengthy discussion at the point your audience has given up trying to comprehend what it is you are, by then, blubbering about. Point is, I don't think we need everyone to necessarily understand; how could they unless they too have visited that dark space? My HA is no-one else's fault and No-one else can really be held accountable for it. Notwithstanding that, it still stuns me when those close to us still manage to judge through their own blinkered outlook, sweep it aside as illogical and completely bypass the awful human suffering that is invariably unfolding in front of them. This is not about self pity (another corker!), it's more to do with support and compassion. if I see someone bleeding in the street, I wouldn't ask how they came to be that way before deciding whether to help them. However, I do think that HA is often burdened with the stigma attached to 'the little boy who cried wolf' and is therefore regarded as self inflicted and/or self indulgent.
Perhaps I am being a little harsh, many of us have long suffering partners who have been wonderful, but it does still happen!
Ok, now I dare someone to say i'm 'over sensitive'!!!
Ant
PANIC STATION
25-02-12, 01:13
My dad tells me recently!
1 Well you are feeling sorry for yourself!
2 you're at that time of life now!
3 you never showed these feelings as a child ! ( I stole money, needed special remedial teaching at a clinic age 11, Always accused of day dreaming in class, Always thinking of loss and death.)
And as a child
4 Can't you just do it for your mother! ( I'm Gay )
5 We wont always be here you know! ( a favourite one this )
I got diagnosed with arthritis yesterday (my dodgy knee referred to in an earlier post) and all my catty ex could say was, "Oh something else for you to feel sorry for yourself about":mad:
What did I ever see in that woman...
If I mention anything to anyone, which is rare, I always hear 'take the tablets....' and that's it.
Or ' you have nothing to be depressed about...... now so and so has as her mother has cancer and etc etc'
Yes people don't know what to say, but I know I won't say those things to people, particularly people I care about. Though now I am not sure that do care.
"positive thinking is the key to success"
"ive never passed out before"
"this will eventually pass"
My favourite was a psychologist "you have a controlling personality" and then had me tongue tied in seconds! Damm!
one of us
Im saying owt :)
---------- Post added at 19:23 ---------- Previous post was at 19:21 ----------
crystal, my dog knows me so well, he puts up with alot, I couldnt ask for a better friend :)
im constantly told "you just worry too much".......ummmmmm, yes.....i do know!!!!!lol :)
A friend of mine to a friend complaining about having anxiety: "We all have anxiety!"
Uhmm, no, and maybe you don't know what that means.
And another girlfriend of mine insists on calling me "zen-like" and "a calming presence"! I actually told her about my stress-induced problems, how can she view me as zen?! She says I do yoga therefore I'm zen, no, I do yoga because I'm not zen enough and I need it. Can't wait to tell her I'm going to a theapist...
" Whats the matter with you NOW" ---well I was asked how I was,I might as well have not said I was not feeling a bit down--you know what I mean!!!
We all have off days.:unsure:
My mother in law told me "you're going to worry yourself into an early grave"!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, another worry to add to the list!
A gem from my GP: "Have you tried spending time with your family?"
I live two hours away from my family for a reason! :roflmao:
These are brilliant. I'm choosing to laugh at rather than be horrified by the levels of ignorance out there.
Oh, that reminds me of our late (RIP) doctor. He used to tell my anxious mother *every time*: "Don't drink coffee or tea." My mum dislikes both. :roflmao: Now we have his son as a GP and he's much better, more attentive and kind.
Spot-the-frog
03-04-13, 12:58
Stop thinking about it!!! Nuff said!
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