danoxford
22-06-06, 02:03
Hi
I just stumbled across this website while in a blind panic due to my phobia of being sick. I don't want to hide anything - it's important that people know these things about you, not just close family and friends, because if nobody shared anything, it would stop any chance of finding someone who has the same problem as you: someone who you can relate to and help each other. That's why I've put my name and email address etc. at the bottom of this post - if anyone searches on the net to find me, whether it's a friend or someone who knows me from the internet, and finds this - this is the real me talking, and I hope you can understand my keenness to get it out in the open.
All of my 18 years so far, I have suffered with emetophobia. Any memories of myself or others being sick horrify me, and the mere thought, sight, sound or smell of sick sends me into panic.
Tonight, my sister was ill. I was in my room, playing a computer game, and I heard it all going on. I couldn't cope. I immediately started shaking and started putting clothes on and getting ready to run. I'm sure some of you do the same: just run. I called through the door to say that I was sorry and that I was leaving. I just walked straight down the stairs, straight out the front door and walked towards one of mates houses. It was all I could think of.
While I was walking, I was in a state which I'm sure some of you know well: my mouth was dry as a bone, I was flitting between emotions of extreme anxiety, denial and paranoia, and I didn't really know where to go or what to do. I set my mind on my mates house, and just walked. I was constantly paranoid that I would catch the bug that my sister could have. Every so often my consciousness would kick in and I'd just think "this is stupid".
I got to my mates house, and said that I needed his help. I just wanted someone to talk to. Every time something like this happens, I realise how much it affects my life and how much I really need to face it. I know, though, in my head, that I will probably only face it when it happens to me again, and that's a thought which horrifies me. I got a drink of water at his house, and then said I had to leave - it panicked me just being inside and feeling like I was being watched. He was concerned but I just left.
While I was walking again, I was feeling exactly the same as before. I started to feel guilty that I wasn't at home looking after my sister, but instead constantly worrying that she'd pass something on to me. She has the same phobia, although not as extreme as me, as does my mum - it's all passed down the line. I felt awful - pathetic. An 18-year-old guy who can't even look after his little sister when she's ill.
It honestly rules most of my life. I must get this over somehow, in writing. Most of the day, and especially the night, it's always in the back of my mind. Anything that is linked to being sick in my head, subconsciously, even stupid, irrelevant things, I avoid them. When I was younger I was sick after I ate nectarines. I was sick after I had blackcurrent squash. I've never eaten or drunk either since. My sister was once sick on a thursday night, and for months afterwards, I would be more anxious on thursdays than any other day. Obviously, in my logical head, none of this makes sense. It wasn't the blackcurrent squash, or the nectarines, or the fact it was a thursday - it was a bug, or another scientific reason. But it still affects me, and I'm sure you can understand that.
Also, I have superstitions. I used to have more, but slowly I got rid of them, then they started building up again. I do stupid routines before I lay down to sleep, such as touching things etc., that in my head makes me feel okay to sleep and relax.
It makes absolutely no sense, yet because of the sheer fear and anxiety, I am forced to do it just to be able to go to sleep.
I've had counselling, albeit from a series of youth counsellors who I have to admit did not help whatsoever, and I don't know where to turn to next. I want to get this sorted, and out of my system, and
I just stumbled across this website while in a blind panic due to my phobia of being sick. I don't want to hide anything - it's important that people know these things about you, not just close family and friends, because if nobody shared anything, it would stop any chance of finding someone who has the same problem as you: someone who you can relate to and help each other. That's why I've put my name and email address etc. at the bottom of this post - if anyone searches on the net to find me, whether it's a friend or someone who knows me from the internet, and finds this - this is the real me talking, and I hope you can understand my keenness to get it out in the open.
All of my 18 years so far, I have suffered with emetophobia. Any memories of myself or others being sick horrify me, and the mere thought, sight, sound or smell of sick sends me into panic.
Tonight, my sister was ill. I was in my room, playing a computer game, and I heard it all going on. I couldn't cope. I immediately started shaking and started putting clothes on and getting ready to run. I'm sure some of you do the same: just run. I called through the door to say that I was sorry and that I was leaving. I just walked straight down the stairs, straight out the front door and walked towards one of mates houses. It was all I could think of.
While I was walking, I was in a state which I'm sure some of you know well: my mouth was dry as a bone, I was flitting between emotions of extreme anxiety, denial and paranoia, and I didn't really know where to go or what to do. I set my mind on my mates house, and just walked. I was constantly paranoid that I would catch the bug that my sister could have. Every so often my consciousness would kick in and I'd just think "this is stupid".
I got to my mates house, and said that I needed his help. I just wanted someone to talk to. Every time something like this happens, I realise how much it affects my life and how much I really need to face it. I know, though, in my head, that I will probably only face it when it happens to me again, and that's a thought which horrifies me. I got a drink of water at his house, and then said I had to leave - it panicked me just being inside and feeling like I was being watched. He was concerned but I just left.
While I was walking again, I was feeling exactly the same as before. I started to feel guilty that I wasn't at home looking after my sister, but instead constantly worrying that she'd pass something on to me. She has the same phobia, although not as extreme as me, as does my mum - it's all passed down the line. I felt awful - pathetic. An 18-year-old guy who can't even look after his little sister when she's ill.
It honestly rules most of my life. I must get this over somehow, in writing. Most of the day, and especially the night, it's always in the back of my mind. Anything that is linked to being sick in my head, subconsciously, even stupid, irrelevant things, I avoid them. When I was younger I was sick after I ate nectarines. I was sick after I had blackcurrent squash. I've never eaten or drunk either since. My sister was once sick on a thursday night, and for months afterwards, I would be more anxious on thursdays than any other day. Obviously, in my logical head, none of this makes sense. It wasn't the blackcurrent squash, or the nectarines, or the fact it was a thursday - it was a bug, or another scientific reason. But it still affects me, and I'm sure you can understand that.
Also, I have superstitions. I used to have more, but slowly I got rid of them, then they started building up again. I do stupid routines before I lay down to sleep, such as touching things etc., that in my head makes me feel okay to sleep and relax.
It makes absolutely no sense, yet because of the sheer fear and anxiety, I am forced to do it just to be able to go to sleep.
I've had counselling, albeit from a series of youth counsellors who I have to admit did not help whatsoever, and I don't know where to turn to next. I want to get this sorted, and out of my system, and