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danoxford
22-06-06, 02:03
Hi

I just stumbled across this website while in a blind panic due to my phobia of being sick. I don't want to hide anything - it's important that people know these things about you, not just close family and friends, because if nobody shared anything, it would stop any chance of finding someone who has the same problem as you: someone who you can relate to and help each other. That's why I've put my name and email address etc. at the bottom of this post - if anyone searches on the net to find me, whether it's a friend or someone who knows me from the internet, and finds this - this is the real me talking, and I hope you can understand my keenness to get it out in the open.

All of my 18 years so far, I have suffered with emetophobia. Any memories of myself or others being sick horrify me, and the mere thought, sight, sound or smell of sick sends me into panic.

Tonight, my sister was ill. I was in my room, playing a computer game, and I heard it all going on. I couldn't cope. I immediately started shaking and started putting clothes on and getting ready to run. I'm sure some of you do the same: just run. I called through the door to say that I was sorry and that I was leaving. I just walked straight down the stairs, straight out the front door and walked towards one of mates houses. It was all I could think of.

While I was walking, I was in a state which I'm sure some of you know well: my mouth was dry as a bone, I was flitting between emotions of extreme anxiety, denial and paranoia, and I didn't really know where to go or what to do. I set my mind on my mates house, and just walked. I was constantly paranoid that I would catch the bug that my sister could have. Every so often my consciousness would kick in and I'd just think "this is stupid".

I got to my mates house, and said that I needed his help. I just wanted someone to talk to. Every time something like this happens, I realise how much it affects my life and how much I really need to face it. I know, though, in my head, that I will probably only face it when it happens to me again, and that's a thought which horrifies me. I got a drink of water at his house, and then said I had to leave - it panicked me just being inside and feeling like I was being watched. He was concerned but I just left.

While I was walking again, I was feeling exactly the same as before. I started to feel guilty that I wasn't at home looking after my sister, but instead constantly worrying that she'd pass something on to me. She has the same phobia, although not as extreme as me, as does my mum - it's all passed down the line. I felt awful - pathetic. An 18-year-old guy who can't even look after his little sister when she's ill.

It honestly rules most of my life. I must get this over somehow, in writing. Most of the day, and especially the night, it's always in the back of my mind. Anything that is linked to being sick in my head, subconsciously, even stupid, irrelevant things, I avoid them. When I was younger I was sick after I ate nectarines. I was sick after I had blackcurrent squash. I've never eaten or drunk either since. My sister was once sick on a thursday night, and for months afterwards, I would be more anxious on thursdays than any other day. Obviously, in my logical head, none of this makes sense. It wasn't the blackcurrent squash, or the nectarines, or the fact it was a thursday - it was a bug, or another scientific reason. But it still affects me, and I'm sure you can understand that.

Also, I have superstitions. I used to have more, but slowly I got rid of them, then they started building up again. I do stupid routines before I lay down to sleep, such as touching things etc., that in my head makes me feel okay to sleep and relax.

It makes absolutely no sense, yet because of the sheer fear and anxiety, I am forced to do it just to be able to go to sleep.

I've had counselling, albeit from a series of youth counsellors who I have to admit did not help whatsoever, and I don't know where to turn to next. I want to get this sorted, and out of my system, and

iliketrees
22-06-06, 12:32
I know exactly how you feel...It really was quite comforting to read your post and know that I wasn't the only one.

I can't remember when the fear of being sick turned into such a big thing...I guess it kind of built up over the years. Like you, I started fearing particular foods, times of day, times of year, etc. I'm thinking about it all now and wondering if it's just a way of trying to feel like we can control whether we are sick or not.

Whenever a family member is i'll I experience the same fear. I won't go near them, I feel shaky, I'll cover my ears if I can hear them being sick and then I spend ages trying to analyse the situation. I wonder what might be wrong with them and if it's contageous and it's like I try to put myself on some kind of "high alert" and start misenterpreting every feeling in my head or chest or stomach.

There are other times when I'm easily able to not think about it. Usually when I'm experiencing new things and don't have time to let it enter my brain. However, it is often a lingering back of the mind thought that I sometimes can't escape.

The way I try and deal with it is by thinking that if i am sick, it won't really matter. That it's such a small part of life and it would last for a a few seconds, and then I'd feel better and life would continue. I try to battle my irrational thoughts by thinking "it really isn't the end of the world"

sometimes it helps, other times not...

I hope this helps in some way or another...

Becky

danoxford
22-06-06, 12:39
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I know exactly how you feel...It really was quite comforting to read your post and know that I wasn't the only one.

I can't remember when the fear of being sick turned into such a big thing...I guess it kind of built up over the years. Like you, I started fearing particular foods, times of day, times of year, etc. I'm thinking about it all now and wondering if it's just a way of trying to feel like we can control whether we are sick or not.

Whenever a family member is i'll I experience the same fear. I won't go near them, I feel shaky, I'll cover my ears if I can hear them being sick and then I spend ages trying to analyse the situation. I wonder what might be wrong with them and if it's contageous and it's like I try to put myself on some kind of "high alert" and start misenterpreting every feeling in my head or chest or stomach.

There are other times when I'm easily able to not think about it. Usually when I'm experiencing new things and don't have time to let it enter my brain. However, it is often a lingering back of the mind thought that I sometimes can't escape.

The way I try and deal with it is by thinking that if i am sick, it won't really matter. That it's such a small part of life and it would last for a a few seconds, and then I'd feel better and life would continue. I try to battle my irrational thoughts by thinking "it really isn't the end of the world"

sometimes it helps, other times not...

I hope this helps in some way or another...

Becky






<div align="right">Originally posted by iliketrees - 22 June 2006 : 12:32:16</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">Thanks to both of you for your replies.

Becky, I think you're right in that it's a way that we try to control it. In our subconscious, it feels as though if we avoid these things, then the chance of it happening is gone. Complete rubbish, of course, but then I start thinking "well, if all I have to do is avoid these things to make me less anxious, then why not?". Sadly thats probably the wrong way to go about things, and we should go ahead and do them anyway so as to prove to ourselves that it doesn't mean anything.

Completely understand the bit about "high alert". I may as well have big red warning lights flashing on and off and sirens blaring!

hayles
22-06-06, 14:41
Hi Dan,

I am exactly the same and have been for as long as i can remember. Iam 24 now!

The last time i was sick I was about 8 and i can remember it vividly. After being sick i sat on the sofa all day panicking and wouldnt even go to the loo as I associated it with sick, it got to the point where i wet myself!!!!! I mean at 8!

I get married in 2 weeks and want to start a family, yet how will i cope with sickly kids????? Babies and kids are always puking!

This is why I am on the site, as i can go for ages without worrying about this, then something sets it off. This happened in Nov last year where i had this sickness bug.....I wasnt sick, how i dont know as i gave it to my boyf and he was sick all over the place! From then on i have been a panicky mess, to the point where it is now full on Health Anxiety....oh the joy!

My point is that your not alone and i can definatley relate to the running as sson as you see anything to do with vomit!!!

This thread actually made me feel uneasy reading it....how nuts is that!!!!

Hay x

danoxford
23-06-06, 00:18
Thanks for your long replies!

Hayles, I understand completely that this thread could make you feel uneasy! It seems some people with this phobia can cope more than others with hearing about other people's worries.

Nigel - I have thought about hypnotherapy in the past and it's probably a very good idea. Although I would probably be best going to a clinic or something but it's a matter of getting the money available to do it.

CBT really doesn't work for me - I've found that you need to have the willpower and ability to be able to do it yourself just for it to work, really. I don't think it works well with these sorts of phobias.

Thanks for all of your advice and help - it helped me so much last night just seeing the amount of people with the same problem, sharing it with each other and helping each other.

bubblestar
23-06-06, 10:23
check out my post titled to all emetaphobia sufferers.. in this section.
might really help .
totally know what your going through.
x

mjh74
13-07-06, 22:58
Hi Danoxford,

If you do a search for my postings you'll see what I've been through and how I've come through it.....

Best Wishes,

Mark