i hate him

[manmoor]

hi Guys,

God I hate my husband so much. I cant even sleep in the same bed as him anymore. Im sitting here at 3.20pm after just having sex with my husband and I feel so horrible. It was so horrible I cant bear him touching me no more. The tears are tripping me Ive just had a shower and I still feel yuk. Why do I hate him so much. I feel so guilty. I just want proper cuddles and support from him and he just thinking wham bam thank you mam. I know Im gonna be so embarrassed tomorrow when I realise Ive posted this and probably wont appear in nmp for the next few days but Im so desperate and don't care. To all of you who know me Ive just checked through my spelling 6,000 times and rectified it but I still aint gonna delete it as I feel so strong about this. As past 2 weeks Ive not went to bed but lay on the sofa(its leather and really cold) cos I couldnt bear being near him but tonight he went to bed before me and i thought happy days he'll be sleeping and I'll get asleep in a comfy bed. But he must a smelt me when I got in and away he goes. Yuk. Im so unhappy hate him so much but at the same time feel I have to be here as Ive got his 2 children. Sorry folks for going on and on but it feels better this way. Anyone got any advice. Should I leave him and make my kids unhappy or should I stay and make me unhappy.

[kiss25]

hi
i hope you are feeling abit better you sound very sad at the moment and i dont think that would do much for your anxiety . i have 3 children by myself and my children are not unhappy . i think that if you seriously dont want to be in that situation anymore the best thing to do is leave and i hope you have some close friends or family who will be able to support you through that time.
children know when you are unhappy and there for they will be alot better off with a happy home even if it is with only one parent .
hope that helps
:)

[whatisitnow]

Manmoor the jury is still out on wheather we are better off staying in an unhappy relationship for childrens benefit or not. But kids are extremely clued up. We dont even have to say anything to them & they can sense things arent good.
I dont know what ages your kids are but the chances are theyknow things arent right.
If your that unhappy, you are way better making the break now. Lots of us have managed it with children & everyone involved has come out the other side, and happy.
Im not a believer in staying in an unhappy relationship for the childrens sake because i do think in the long run it does them more harm than good anyway.
Its not about making them unhappy. There are all kinda of options. I dont know your situation with what hes like but it doesnt mean they cant see him?
I just remember 5 yrs ago, nearly 6 now, thinking i would never get out of the relationship i was in, couldnt imagine it to be honesat. But i did & we are all sorted & happy in a routine & it works well for the kids. Mine are only 11 & 9 now.
Hope you feel better soon.
Caz xxxx

Pete to win Big Brother! He is Daddy Fantastic with pants made of elastic!

[Coni]

Hi manmoor,

I'm sorry you feel so awful at the moment. I have a friend who felt exactly like you. She also had two children (of primary school age) and got to the stage where she couldnt bear to be in the same room as her husband. She went through the same agonies as you...should she stay or should she go....in the end she decided it was best for everyone if she left him. It wasnt easy but she felt the children were unhappy anyway as they could sense things were far from ok at home and felt they would have a better chance of happiness with parents who lived happily apart than unhappily together. That was a couple of years ago and while it was a difficult time, things have settled now and she has absolutely no regrets.

Only you can make that decision though. You must do what you feel is right for you and your children, though if things are as bad as you describe, dont you think they maybe have a sense that something is wrong anyway (spose it depends how old they are). I know I would find it very hard to act normally if I felt so unhappy.

I dont know if this is any help....I hope things improve for you soon. I'm thinking of you.

Take care

Coni X

[manmoor]

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your replies and also all the pm's. Its morning now and I feel a lot better. Im gonna spend the day by myself and have a good old think what Im going to do. I blame myself as much as my husband because I fell out of love with him 5 years ago and should have done something about it long ago. Instead I've been acting like a teenager and running away from my true feelings. To those of you i've tormented (and you know who you are lol) please accept my apologies.

Thanks again

Mandy
xxxxxxxxxxx

[marie ross]

Hi manmoor,

I really hope you find the answers you are looking for, like Coni said only you can make that decision, whatever you decide to do we are all here to support you and to listen to you what ever road you decide to go down. Take care of yourself.

Marie XXX

[Two heads]

Hi mandy hun!
I didnt realise you were feeling so bad last night hun.If you feel like this again pm me if you like.
I known how it feels to be having probs with hubby at home i went though it four years ago.Sometimes i think that may have been one of the causes of my anxiety other than a few other issues ive had over the last four years.You dont want to be making your anxiety worse by ignoreing how you feel deep down inside.You need to work out in your head why you have started to feel like this towards somebody you once loved so dearly!
Maybe its because you are feeling so unwell at present?
I known i manage to work my probs out with my hubby in the end and i married him two years after the probs.Sometimes we argue and have the odd hiccup but that married life!
Maybe see somebody together?
You must make sure you are doing the right thing befor doing anything drasic.
Please if you need to chat im hear hunxxxxxxxx

[chucklehound]

Hi Mandy, glad you are feeling better soon.
Hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Take care

Chuckle

xxxx

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Mandy, I totally sympathise with you on this one. The same happened to me. I was repulsed when my husband came near me. My youngest was only a baby when we split but it was the best decision I have ever made. The kids have never been happier. They do sense unhappiness, even at a young age. I fell out of love with my husband, thought of him more as a brother, but the sex became a big problem, I just wanted to get it over and done with and wouldn't do anything he asked me to. I then got accused of seeing someone else, which was totally untrue, but I can't blame him for thinking that way as the sex was so cold and unfeeling. Go with what makes you happy Mandy, put yourself first and everything else will fall in to place I promise.

Take care & you WILL make the right decision.

Les, xx

[jackie]

oh i hope you get through this

i am so hesitant to give advice on this as it is a huge decision and must be made by yourself,, but we will all be here if you need us through this

take care

jackie

[darkangel]

Hi mandy

i am glad you are feeling much better today.

this time last year i was in the exact same position as you, living with my husband who I hated, he abused me both physically and mentally but i felt there was no way out - we have a daughter and I was too scared to leave as I would be destroying the family unit.

However, like you I had enough of sleeping on the sofa, always moving from room to room to avoid him but I was "lucky" that he didnt want to touch me for sex.

Anyway, I moved out - went homeless - eventually got a nice flat - fought for rights to my daughter and one year on live a realatively good life - still have anxiety but not to the same extent - I no longer live in fear of him. I have my own independence, I am at college now and have started seeing someone else who respects and accepts me for who I am.

I wont say it was easy, but it has made me so much stronger and determined to get over this illness, when the fridge is empty - I need to go out - when my daughter needs collecting from school - I need to drive there.

AS for your question should I leave him and make my kids unhappy - ask yourself - are they happy in the current situation - and more importantly what about YOUR happiness? I had to learn to put myself first, kids are adaptable and although it may be tough at the beginning, dont feel guilty - it is your life.

Mandy it is only your decision - but if you hate him that much then know you can change this.

Take care of yourself and go with your heart xxxxx


........life is for living not just for surviving

[ceecee]

hi mandy sorry you are feeling this way!the only advice i can give is to follow your heart.i think men really don,t know how to cope when their wives/partners are going through anxiety and sometimes they don,t understand as much as we want them too.it must be a really difficult decision to make.just know that we,ll all be here for you take care and remember if you,re happy your children will be too, wether you and your hubby live together or not rachel x x x

[cam]

hey mandy.....god never knew u were havin such a hard time......my thoughts r wiv u......like so many others i wouldnt like to give advice on whether its best to stay for kids or not......only u know in your heart how u feel......only thing id say is if somethin is makin you feel so sad inside then it might be time for change.....but i dont know ur story..so......hope things get better for u, i really do...and u know were all here for u if u need to talk...take care..........oh and......WB mandy...lolx

Cam.......

[anxious]

Mandy,
you kept that well hidden. Only you can work out whats best for you in the end. Don't worry about the kids so much - a happy mum is what they need, they are very resiliant. Speaking from experience hun,
anx xx

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects

[clickaway]

Sorry you are feeling so crap with all this going on.

I think the staying or leaving question is really down to the indivdual situation and people involved. I never knew my parents to be happy together and my mum didn't kick my dad out till I was 15 and had more than enough sh*t at home by then. But a friend of mine left her husband and the kids get on with both parents real fine.

Perhaps so much depends on how amicable you would be apart and that the kids would not be bussed around between doorsteps of two unhappy parents.

Thrash it out with him and a counsellor and consider what's good for you and the kids, trying to keep him on board.



Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[manmoor]

Hi Guys,

You are all brilliant and deserve a big pat on the back. Thank you all for taking the time to reply to my post it has really helped me knowing you are all here for me. And for you cam dear wb xxlol

Love You All

Mandyxxxxxxxxxxxxx