monika
24-02-12, 02:19
Hey guys,
Wow, I have not even been active on this site since November 09...and here I am in 2012 back on.
I had really bad anxiety, panic attacks, ocd, dpr & drlz in 08 and 09...but I recovered and have felt good since then. My anxiety always kinda lingered, but I could totally deal with it and it was like it never had happened to me!
In the past three weeks though, I had my first panic attack in a long time. I was talking with my sister about panic attacks, and that night I had one! For the first time in a while. And since then, I've been a basket case. If my mind isn't racing with ocd thoughts, I'm in bed depressed. I've lost count of the amount of panic attacks I've had in these past 3 weeks.
The worst part is the doubting. Whenever I start to feel okay, I immediately worry about when the next attack will be, or get derealization thoughts like I'm not really here, or think this is all in my head.
The worst part is, no one around me really knows what is going on. I feel ashamed to tell anyone. I'm in university, and although I'm on break now, Monday I start school again and I don't think I can go back in this current state.
I can't figure out why this happened again. I'm wondering if there isn't some trauma or experiences I am not dealing with that are causing this anxiety to come back. I don't know if this is just the way I am, or if something happened to me in my past to cause this.
I have moments where I think I am fine, and back to normal, and then it just comes back anyways, horrible and suffocating.
Has anyone experienced, for lack of a better word, a relapse like this? Anxiety gone for years and then just coming back out of the blue?
Thanks if you read this far....
Best Regards,
Monika
Wow, I have not even been active on this site since November 09...and here I am in 2012 back on.
I had really bad anxiety, panic attacks, ocd, dpr & drlz in 08 and 09...but I recovered and have felt good since then. My anxiety always kinda lingered, but I could totally deal with it and it was like it never had happened to me!
In the past three weeks though, I had my first panic attack in a long time. I was talking with my sister about panic attacks, and that night I had one! For the first time in a while. And since then, I've been a basket case. If my mind isn't racing with ocd thoughts, I'm in bed depressed. I've lost count of the amount of panic attacks I've had in these past 3 weeks.
The worst part is the doubting. Whenever I start to feel okay, I immediately worry about when the next attack will be, or get derealization thoughts like I'm not really here, or think this is all in my head.
The worst part is, no one around me really knows what is going on. I feel ashamed to tell anyone. I'm in university, and although I'm on break now, Monday I start school again and I don't think I can go back in this current state.
I can't figure out why this happened again. I'm wondering if there isn't some trauma or experiences I am not dealing with that are causing this anxiety to come back. I don't know if this is just the way I am, or if something happened to me in my past to cause this.
I have moments where I think I am fine, and back to normal, and then it just comes back anyways, horrible and suffocating.
Has anyone experienced, for lack of a better word, a relapse like this? Anxiety gone for years and then just coming back out of the blue?
Thanks if you read this far....
Best Regards,
Monika