Nightmare neighbour

[panicpanda]

So I have a nightmare neighbour in the flat below me. Bassy music, people coming at all hours, and worst of all, strong cannabis fumes regularly. I have tried to talk to him many times, but I might as well talk to a brick wall. My boyfriend has also gone down. All he says is that we're weird and we need to chill out and be normal for our age (we're all early 20s). Hmmm...

Anyway, I've given up. I've called the police and landlord (housing association) more times I can count and they've done nothing useful. Luckily I've got a home swap lined up, and only have a couple of months of living here left.

I just need some tips on how to cope in the mean time, because lately it's become a daily struggle. I can't help but get angry, and I don't cope with anger well. Right now I'm unable to cook dinner as I'm so tense and angry that I couldn't possibly eat. My sleeping's suffering too as I'm going to bed angry! And then lack of sleep and being angry, feeling helpless really, makes my anxiety worse.

The most annoying thing is that if I wasn't so agoraphobic I'd just go out so I could escape it!

x

[Rain]

Hello Panda,

I do feel for you, because when you are agoraphobic, the phrase ‘your home is your castle’ is very pertinent. It’s your safe place and it’s not nice to have anything threatening that.

The feeling that I get most from your post is anger. You don’t approve of the way this person behaves. It upsets you because you would never behave like that or encroach on your neighbour in such a way.

Anger often results when what we expect to happen doesn’t occur. You expect your neighbour to share your values and feel upset and annoyed that he doesn’t. Many people in this world have values far removed from our own. We can’t change that unfortunately. All we can change is our reactions to it.

I have a neighbour (thankfully about 500 yards away) who urinates openly in his garden. He also shouts to himself a lot and I have seen him peeking through another neighbour’s windows when she was out. He peeks into our mailbox too. Sometimes he annoys the heck out of me. If I get angry though, I have let him win, in a way.

This neighbour of yours is not going to change his behaviour, I think if you give up believing that he will you would feel less frustrated. Accept that it was unfortunate that you moved in above him but be happy that you are moving out.

You only have eight weeks to go. Try to spend this time concentrating on the lovely time you will have in your new place. You are lucky that you CAN move. Many are stuck with awful neighbours for good. No one would blame you for being angry, but you are only hurting yourself.

Accept that he is noisy and likely to be for the rest of the time you are there. He’s not doing it to annoy you. That’s just the way he lives. I hope you find a much more peaceful place where you are going. Hang on in there. It won’t be long.

[Forest]

Hope you find some peace and quiet in your new home when you get there. I Have a thread under phobias,? introduce yourself/ General Anxiety so I know what your going through even though mine is a bit different but good luck.

[Lost_L]

Hi PanicPanda,
I don't really have any advice as such but I just wanted to wish you luck in your new home, hope that you get nice neighbours there! In the mean time (easier said than done, I know) but try not to let it stress you out, won't b long until you're out of there, just try to focus on that. Maybe think about the nice new home you'll have and what you can do to make it yours :)

x

[haz]

Rain is right. Try to concentrate on your new home and think yourself lucky that you are getting away from this neighbour.

I don't speak to my next door neighbour but I don't have the option to move unfortunately.

Just keep thinking that it won't be for much longer.

Regards.

Haz.

[hallam11]

Hi Panic Panda,

I feel for you because I don't have a very nice neighbour either. All I hear is banging as the child bangs his toys against the wall and the parents do nothing but smoke marajuana. I can handle that because I can distract myself but the thing I can't handle is that they have 2 dogs who are stuck in a small part of their garden all day with no cover - no coats in the cold and who are hungry and bark constantly because they are unhappy. I have called the dog warden and RSPCA but nothing has come of it. Its really sad when we have neighbours who don't behave in the way we want or expect but I guess you can't change others only how you feel.
Stay strong! xx

[panicpanda]

Thanks for all the supportive replies!

I know I am very lucky to be able to get away from him. I don't think I'll really believe it until it's happened! My home really is my castle Rain, and whilst I know he's never going to change (unfortunately..) I'm just damn angry that he thinks he's above the law and his tenancy agreement and gets away with it! I just wish people would do their job :whistles: but nevermind, won't be my problem soon.

Hallam, that's awful about your neighbour. Those poor dogs deserve a loving home. I have a neighbour a few blocks away that have a cat but it's never let in, not even in the snow and frost, what's the point in owning a pet if they're not going to love it? Grrr.

Thankfully I've got peace for tonight :yesyes: