I just want to be normal.

[the8th]

I'm just going to call my condition "anxiety" because I can't categorise it. I have pure O thoughts, I sometimes have social, I sometimes have panic [I rarely ever panic but I get scared that I will], I definitely have agoraphobia, I sometimes worry incessantly over.. whatever.

& it's really depressing. Everyone around me is supportive saying you can do this, you can beat this, you're doing fine.. and I guess I seem okay because I am fighting it but I feel so drained and fed up inside. If it was just ONE THING it would be so much easier to tackle, but being freaked out by my thoughts, by doing this, by going here, by talking to this person.. seriously I wonder if there's any point in even trying sometimes. But I know this is defeatist thinking and I know there are people out there who have been much worse than me and they got through this and they managed.

In a way my boyfriend is a source of inspiration because he has overcome a lot of his anxiety just by forcing himself to deal with life. To tell himself that those thoughts were only making him feel worse and he didn't want to feel worse so he tells himself to stop thinking that way. He's also been through some pretty bad things this last year and he says it only made him stronger. & I really look to him for support because I admire how he's dealt with everything on his own.

I am not in therapy nor am I taking medications. I am just doing this by myself and with my family. I have no job and am not going to school. So yeah, I have a lot of time to freak out I guess.... a lot of time to worry. I recently got off my medication and I noticed how much harder it is, but I also got off my medication and started TRYING for the first time in a very long time. I want to know that this is beatable... and that I will not be miserable for the rest of my existence because of it :(

[Daisybun]

It is beatable and you can recover. have you read Clare Weeks book? It gives lots of advice on how to recover from anxiety, and one of the things you need to stop is fighting it, this sounds stupid but it is so true, the more we fight the more we release adreneline. The way we should be trying to deal with anxiety is to accept that the symptoms are anxiety and just float through it, very difficult to do I know and she explains it so much better than me, please give her book a read and you may find that it helps you.

Take care
Daisybun

'This too will pass'

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I know exactly what you mean. I've spent half of my life really striving for things, believing that once I achieve them I will be happy and feeling very rejected if I don't achieve them and the other half of my life being lazy, miserable and passive, believing that I will grow naturally into the person that i want to be and that things will just happen to me to take me to where I want to be.

It is really hard for me being around people and they're laughing and joking or talking about their holidays, because I just feel so stiff, rigid and serious. I just wish I could be like them and not worry so much and just enjoy myself.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.