soo low :(

[mary12]

I have been suffering with anxiety and depression for some while now some days are better than others but the last 9 weeks have been horrible... I think I have PNT as my daughter was born 11 weeks ago I. Had it with my son who is now 3 but didn't stay on my sertraline for long as I thought I could handle it with meds turnt out I couldn't but instead of proving everyone wrong I just painted a smile on my face but since having my daughter its has hit me hard.. My panic attacks are creeping back on me thank god I haven't had a massive one yet but if I carry on the way I'm going its going to happen... I worry about everything and anything its getting rediculous... Me and partner are arguing a lot recently he doesn't understand what I'm going through and keeps chucking it in my face for example if we are in the niddle of an argument he will keep mentioning that my depression is causing it when that's not the case at all but I can't seem to get through to him that its not my fault and half the time he isn't helping my situation but making it worse for me :( my son runs me ragged and is a mummys boy completely which I find hard sometimes too.. I just wish I had nore of a bond with my daughter but I'm slowly getting there with her since last nite when my son went to his grandparents and we spent time bonding as it were.... I'm going to the doctors tuesday well hopefully and see what they will do for me but I hope whatever they do it has a fast effect as I hate feeling like this its not fair on me, my kids or my partner... Whoever takes time to read and reply to this I'm very greatfull :)

---------- Post added at 20:37 ---------- Previous post was at 20:35 ----------

Was meant to say could handle it without my meds....

[star2001]

hi mary, sounds like everything has really got on top of you hun. Im 25 with a partner and a 3 and a half year old son. I have suffered with anxiety for years but it really came to light after having my son. I found the hormones just brought everything to the surface and i was worrying about everything all the time. I think its brilliant that you have noticed the signs and from what im led to believe post natal depression is more likely if you have previously suffered. I think its very sensible to visit the doctor, it may be an idea to jott everything down just so when you get in there you can remember it all. As for the arguing with your partner i think this is quite common for parents with a new baby to have disagreements....one word...tired. However i can imagine your frustration regarding the fact you feel he doesnt appreciate or understand how you feel. I think soemtimes unless an anxiety sufferer its difficult to comprehend. You say your son is also "running you ragged", it sounds to me like you need a little break,(which is completely understandable- i feel like that with just 1 child,let alone 2) like when he went to his grandparents. perhaps you need to ensure you and the partner get some alone time, a chance to calmly chat about your feelings without confrontation. i know its difficult juggling a family just try and stay strong and remember you wont always feel this way. visit your doctor and perhaps see if there is a local group for new mums where you can talk to other mothers (you will find lots of mums feel the same). keep posting, and stay positive, if you ever need a chat just private msg me :)

[mary12]

Thankyou for your reply star :) its nice to be able to talk to someone who has had similar things happen to them.. I started to suffer with depression and anxiety after I was raped nearly 7 years ago I just kind of put what happened in the back of my head and 'moved on ' when deep down I knew that this was never going to happen if I didn't confront it I have accepted it now though and having my son changed my life for the better but also has made me suffer more with my problem with worrying about everything, I worry about him and my daughter getting ill or me getting ill and I can't be here for them or them getting hurt by monsters out there or even just going to nursery and I'm not there to protect them ect ect... I don't have the biggest bond with my daughter like I did my son and I hate that fact I know its not my fault its my PNT well at least I think it is... I love my daughter very much just wish I felt the way I did when I had my son... Ur rite me and my partner do need some quality time but sometimes I think will that even help?? X

[star2001]

im so sorry to hear such a terrible thing happened to you hun. in my life things have happened (my brother assulted and was on life support) an i did the same....pushed it to the back of my mind as you did with your terrible experience. im glad you have accepted what happened to you thats really positive. I think becoming a parent really brings your issues to light doesnt it. having my son has been he most amazing thing but just like you i worry myself silly regarding him. To an extent this is normal, but unfortunatley i take it to the extreme and it seems perhaps you do to. I think perhaps comparing your relationships with your children wont help your situation. with your first born i would imagine you had all the time in the world to create a bond, and perhaps with your daughter its not quite so simple as busy lives get in the way. you felt that having some one on one time with your daughter really helped which is so positive so perhaps you need to try and ensure that the two of you get some quality time together where you can just enjoy your new baby without the stress of everyday life intruding. hun, you clearly adore your daughter very much, if you diddnt you wouldnt be so worried and concerned. i do think you have PND...obviously im no doctor but the symptoms do point to it, hence why i think its so important you visit the doctor. as for your partner relationships are hard work and with so much going on (eg new baby) it may feel difficult to have the energy to make things right. Your partner probably is finding it very difficult to relate to how you feel, and perhaps he doesnt mean to throw your problems in your face but is frustrated as he cant understand. i defo think some time with him will help, it will be a chance for the two of you to remember why your together (sometimes its easy to forget when it seems life is taking over). Its so important to keep communicating with him. perhaps when you go to the doctor he could come to, so he can listen to the converstion between you and the doc....maybe this would help him understand things more. hope this reply helps hun, just remember many many women feel just like you with a new baby....try not to beat yourself up, your obvioudly a graet mummy :) xx