Please help me. Please.

[helpmeimstuck]

Well, here's my story.

Ok here goes...

I'm a 14 year old boy. Growing up i had a horrible, controlling, violent father. My mum left him when i was 12. Due to the stress he put on me nearly my whole life, i have severe depression, anxiety and worrying problems. I've been put on prozac and zoloft, they do nothing. I drink, occasionally i drop acid or smoke pot to numb the pain

I've always had problems socially. Everyone i know seems to think im alright at first, but something happens often not my fault and they just hate me and think im weird, spreading it around them. I've been at my new school for 3 weeks but a stupid mistake happened today when i accidentally let my knowledge on sex & drugs (some people were talking about it on fb) slip out. I'm an extravagant guy and i just said too much. now they think im weird, seedy, fail, tryhard, whatever... im gonna get hell for it at school tomorrow.
It's hard enough hating myself when everyone else seems to hate me too.... ive already got cutting and burn marks on my arm, carvings of 'why' and a satanic pentagram in my leg... i dont want to add to them but i dont know what else to do.

I care so much about what people think of me and i get anxious, stressed nervous around people because of it. This has a major impact on my life. I hate myself so much right now and i'm so pissed off that i had a new start at a new school and i just went and ****ed it up.

My life has lost its purpose. Everything as turned to crap. I feel so low its unimaginable. I cant take this pain anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night. I always wanted someone to love but ive only had my heart torn apart, over and over again.

Help. Please. If anyone has any advice i would be so grateful. I just dont know what to do anymore. I see no way out.

here's my leg: minus(dot)com(forwardslash)mLAAzP1QH#

[Carys]

I am so sorry you are feeling such emotional pain. You are welcome to talk to us on here as much as you like, but, I feel that you need to talk to somebody in 'real life' and you need to do it today - if you can find the strength. Is there an adult at school you trust ? (I know it is a new school to you, but there must be somebody you can approach) Is there are school counsellor ? Is there a doctor you can go and visit today ? You are clearly very low and desperate at the moment and it feels like there is no way out - but there will be - life won't always feel this impossible, trust me on that one.

[helpmeimstuck]

i see a psychiatrist every now and then i guess... it just doesnt seem to help anymore :'(

[paula lynne]

Hi there, I totally agree with Carys, you need someone to talk to face to face. Is there anyone in your family you can talk too, uncle/aunty?

Everybody doesnt hate you, you said some stuff to a few people....there are hundreds of new people at your school you could make friends with, dont worry about the few who *dont get* you.

As far as the drugs are concerned, you know this is only making you worse. Acid and pot will only increase you paranoid feelings, and will cause you long term damage eventually. Taking them with prescribed medications is one of the most dangerous combinations in the world, add painkillers to the mix and you are in big trouble. Please go and see your doctor and ask them to refer you to a drugs councellor.

Please ring your phsychiatrist today and make an appointment asap....tell them exactly what youve told us. Youve got your whole life ahead of you, but you need to be honest in your feelings in order for them to give you the appropriate care. You are so young, and it saddens me to read your post, I feel for you. Youve had a traumatic time, but help is out there. Dont give up, you got a lot to look forward too. Take care, and thanks for sharing your story . x



(Im a recovered self- harmer, and I find the best thing is too squeeze a ball really hard when those feelings surface.)

[R.Barratt]

hello. i believe our situations are quite similar. i am 17 years old and my mum has always resented me and because of this and other things i have always hated myself.
it is horrible hearing someone else feeling the same way. but please know you are still so young and can change. go to your gp or contact camhs they can council you and generally try to help you become a happier more confident person. please private message me anytime because i believe we can both really help one another :)

[miss polly]

Sweetie I'm so sorry you're in such a dark place at the moment. Please take the good advice here and try to find someone to talk to. Although things seem so bleak now life will get better for you. You sound like a kind sensitive person and you'll one day meet someone to love who loves you back just as much. In the meantime please please don't do drugs. Speaking from experience it makes anxiety/depression so much worse in the long run :hugs:

[sam66]

my goodness this was me years ago, helpmeimstuck, you are not worthless, trust me on this, I had years of abuse with parents that didnt understand, self harm became 'normal' we dont always get things right, but you need to talk to someone hun.
Parents can put so much pressure on their kids that they just find it to much to bear, thats theparents fault not the childs, please let me know you are ok, and pm me any time you need to rant, stop the self harm if you can, you will find talking to people lessens the need to self hurt, much love x

[crystal17]

Hi, I really feel for you. It must be awful and horrific for you at the moment. But it doesnt have to be like that, as others said there is help available and you want things to change which is half the battle. Speak to your GP in the morning, they will help you.