im so scared i need answers

[worryedman]

hi guys i think i have had ocd since i was about 8 i use to spend hours running numbers through my head unti it felt right last year it stopped all of a sudden, partly because i met a women who was amazing and is now my fiance but recently i seem to be having stupid thoughts convincing myself i've cheated on my fiance and i convince myself im some sort of peodofile and i also convince myself i have been attacked al the time, i even time myself from my girlfriends house to mine so if get a spike i can turn around and say look its only been this long how could you of done anything, since this has been happening it seems i dont trust myself and i avoid all women just incase i did something guys whats going on its killing me inside.

[sophieunderscore]

I'm not sure what causes this or how to stop it but I have the same kind of obsessive thoughts. Someone once told me though... if you worry about doing something you probobly won't do it!

I went througha period where i was terrified i would lose control or kill myself. Or hurt or abuse a child. Even though I never would I was so scared.

I hope this lets you realise you're not on you're ownn with these thoughts

[worryedman]

hi there its good to know people have these thoughts aswell and its not just me, but i've been thinking latley what if im using ocd as an excuse and i have really done these things am i crazy?

[Ma Larkin]

When I was first diagnosed with health anxiety I was on my way for my first counselling session and I had this urge to jump in front of an HGV on a really busy road. This went on for months. I couldn't walk near roads and believe me it was a right pain, it put miles on my journeys! It kinda just disappeared on its own. I think a lot of it was my state of mind at the time and flashbacks from things that had happened to me. I also used to think that I'd killed someone, buried them and was going to get found out. I thought I was going mad and used to think to myself, when I die I'm going to go to hell and meet the person that I murdered!! I haven't had any irrational thoughts like this for about a year now, but every now and again I remember something and it triggers off again, although I seem to have it under control now. I also went through a phase of compulsively lying, I think this was probably for attention, but when I look back I could have got myself into serious trouble.

You are not alone in this, as you will find out from the replies you get and I hope your thoughts soon fade like mine did.

Les

[sophieunderscore]

I've thought this before, what if it's not anxiety and I really have gone insane, you have to remember that you have OCD, if you havent already been to the doctors for a diagnosis go and get one :)

If you had done these things you would have had consequences, and you havn't had these. If you had been attacked you'd have scars and if you had abused a child the polce would have come knocking on your door. These are purely thoughts and sometimes they can be just as destrcutive as actions.

[worryedman]

just a update on how im doing i have been to the doctors and a appointment has been arraned for me to see someone.
but unfortunatly my spikes are getting worse even today i had the urge to look at porn on the net and i tryed hard to resist but i looked and after i felt like i had cheated on my fieance and i convinced myself i am a very bad person i said to myself if i cant resist looking at porn what if i cant resist cheating on my girlfriend as i have had inpure thoughts recently it makes me feel so bad as i love my fiance so much i cant even ride my motorbike anymore as if i drive past someone on the street i convince i have sexually attacked them or they hae sexually attacked me be it male or female i know it sounds crazy in the past i could just say look its only a thought but now its like i really 100% beileve i have done it,last night i had a falling out with my fiance and after that i had a weird spaced out feeling and this morning i could not remember what i had done the night before now im worrying i did something very bad last night

[Peru83]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">hi there its good to know people have these thoughts aswell and its not just me, but i've been thinking latley what if im using ocd as an excuse and i have really done these things am i crazy?

<div align="right">Originally posted by worryedman - 23 June 2006 : 13:59:37</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

When I first started getting PA's (I have GAD) I thought that I was going mad, I asked my doctor and she explained that people who think they are going mad arent and people who are mad claim to be fine. The fact that you recognise you have a problem shows you are a rational and normal person! You will be fine, you just need to find away to control your thoughts.

Good luck and take carexx


Claire

onwards and upwards

[sassy]

i first joined this site because i was having thoughts of stabbing my kids, i was so scared that i would do it and even told myself that if it came down to it i would kill me before i had the chance to kill them. ive had many sick thoughts since and before and i have the odd ritual i will do when over stressed.
this site has saved me, saved my sanity. the fact that you and me (and a million others) are writing so sanely about our thoughts, PROVES beyond doubt that we are too rational-too sane to do such things. a person who was seriously capable would not be able to manage such a sensible conversation, would not be able to write these things down. they would not be concerned nor worried about such actions.
i have now learnt to redirect such thoughts and i often laugh at them and brush them aside. it takes practice but it works.
your in a vicious cycle and your among others that are the same. but its also something that can be controlled.
the second you get such a thought-think of something funny or something else. read a road sign-ping an elastic band on your wrist (works honest!), have an apple-anything to change your thought at that time.
your not alone and your not mad xx

[blufaery]

Hi,

I am so glad i read that, I have spent days worrying that i am using my OCD as an excuse to be nuts!

It's good to know I'm not the only one

Take care

Blu

[mum2four]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">i first joined this site because i was having thoughts of stabbing my kids, i was so scared that i would do it and even told myself that if it came down to it i would kill me before i had the chance to kill them. ive had many sick thoughts since and before and i have the odd ritual i will do when over stressed.
this site has saved me, saved my sanity. the fact that you and me (and a million others) are writing so sanely about our thoughts, PROVES beyond doubt that we are too rational-too sane to do such things. a person who was seriously capable would not be able to manage such a sensible conversation, would not be able to write these things down. they would not be concerned nor worried about such actions.
i have now learnt to redirect such thoughts and i often laugh at them and brush them aside. it takes practice but it works.
your in a vicious cycle and your among others that are the same. but its also something that can be controlled.
the second you get such a thought-think of something funny or something else. read a road sign-ping an elastic band on your wrist (works honest!), have an apple-anything to change your thought at that time.
your not alone and your not mad xx

<div align="right">Originally posted by sassy - 22 August 2006 : 18:42:18</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I also had intence images of stabbing my kids I'm 28y and been having thoughts and images of hurting people or my self I also use to get intence image of sexually hurting my kids I have avoided letting my kids run naked or be naked for to long due to this isues I was able to over come most of my images that had no real memory with laughter or a joke but the ones that had a sight memeory of being simular like the stabing the kids I would remember triping over my kids when thay get under my feet suddenly and my head would start thinking well if that happened and I had a knife in my hand then it possiable. I have been on meds for under a year now and the intenceness of the images have gotten to more anyoing and easy to redirect my thoughts now. I still have days where the thoughts or images can be stronger or I just have to many in one day and I can handle it emotionally.

[mum2four]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">just a update on how im doing i have been to the doctors and a appointment has been arraned for me to see someone.
but unfortunatly my spikes are getting worse even today i had the urge to look at porn on the net and i tryed hard to resist but i looked and after i felt like i had cheated on my fieance and i convinced myself i am a very bad person i said to myself if i cant resist looking at porn what if i cant resist cheating on my girlfriend as i have had inpure thoughts recently it makes me feel so bad as i love my fiance so much i cant even ride my motorbike anymore as if i drive past someone on the street i convince i have sexually attacked them or they hae sexually attacked me be it male or female i know it sounds crazy in the past i could just say look its only a thought but now its like i really 100% beileve i have done it,last night i had a falling out with my fiance and after that i had a weird spaced out feeling and this morning i could not remember what i had done the night before now im worrying i did something very bad last night

<div align="right">Originally posted by worryedman - 02 July 2006 : 16:25:14</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">


I know the feeling of thinking something you did or thought feels like cheating I also get feelings of being raped after/during certain sexual and Dr things like women's cheak up. I still find it hard some days to allow my partner to touch me but I'm way better than before the med's I'm on I use to instantly slap away my partners hand if his came near me at the wrong time. I had a lot of trouble with also flash backs of images of sexually hurting my kids while with my kids when my partner try to get close to me in any way even a kiss. I use to real scared that meant I was as bad as if I was some how enjoying hurting kids sexually. Or I would be affraid that images were turing me on and not my partner. I so glad to have an almost clear head when I have alone time with my partner now it make injoy it so much easier I have never enjoyed sex till now.

I hope you find you answer soon.