W.I.F.T.S.
23-06-06, 13:28
I very often feel that I want to do nothing at all. I don't want to stop in, i don't want to go out, I don't want to go to work. My idea of hell is those family get-togethers where there seems to be no one my own age and it just seems so naff and cheap and uninspiring and horrible or bank holidays and being dragged around markets or things that you have no interest in and you just wish you could be a million miles away. Peter Kay takes those things off brilliantly and I wish I could be more down to earth (or whatever it is) and enjoy it, even if it is no frills.
One of my biggest motivators was always to drag myself up, out of that lifestyle. I want middleclass-ness. I want reverie, sparkling conversation, beautiful women, the high life, trendy clubs, feeling great in an expensive suit and having a nice haircut.
I very often feel sick in my stomach and think 'i don't want this', 'I should be a million miles from here'.
I've spoken in plenty of my posts about feeling depressed by my home town. When I left sixth form college I decided to go to Uni as far away as possible (a really brave move considering I was always so shy and timid), because this town made me feel sick. In the end I moved 200 miles south and, even though that town was even less inspiring, I somehow felt more at home there.
Since I've come home i've done lots of things to try and change the way I feel about the place and to make it more comfortable for myself. I've volunteered for conservation societies, theatre groups and currently a health club. It's really good because I'm meeting lots of new people and I'm trying to build up to go on trips and even foreign breaks.
I think the reasons that I feel depressed in this town are:
a) I've always tried so hard to get away from it and I feel like I've got nowhere
b) I feel like I'm a city person and I need that lifestyle and lots of things to do and see all the time. I feel under-stimulated here
c) I feel like the mentality here is very narrow-minded, racist, sexist, get drunk, crap job, council house
d) When i have lived away I have been in much closer proximity to people (eg, student digs) and I've felt more involved in things. Here, I don't really have friends that i can go out for a drink with or go round to their house.
e) My family can be quite critical and negative and I get much more of it living at home again
f) I feel like job opportunities here are very limited and I'm likely to end up in factory work
g) I feel like people here are less interesting and exciting than people in London. In London, the possibility of the unexpected happening was exciting.
h)I feel stuck here and that I daren't get a place of my own, leave town or go out and see the world
I know that is very negative and that's what's keeping me depressed. I'm now going to attempt to turn those negatives round myself:
a) I've been to University, I've lived in London, I've travelled to France, Spain, Holland, Ireland, Belgium. They are experiences that meant a lot to me. Sometimes I was nervous, but it didn't stop me doing those things and I even enjoyed them and looked forward to them. My confidence was probably at it's peak when I went to Ibiza and now it's not so high. I should appreciate how much I have done and realise that my confidence with grow and that I will add to those experiences in the future. I would like to travel to places such as the Munich Beer festival with the health club. There is no reason why I cannot do that.
b) I live less than 30 miles from both manchester and Liverpool and Chester and warrington are on my doorstep too. Many people who live in the city take for granted the facilities and opportunities they have. many people who live in the city would like to swap places with me and live in the country. I have the best of both worlds.
c) there are a lot of people around me and in the town generally who can be narrow-minded, but I am fortunate that I have met people through the health club who are educated, well-travelled and interested in trying new things. At the moment I have lot
One of my biggest motivators was always to drag myself up, out of that lifestyle. I want middleclass-ness. I want reverie, sparkling conversation, beautiful women, the high life, trendy clubs, feeling great in an expensive suit and having a nice haircut.
I very often feel sick in my stomach and think 'i don't want this', 'I should be a million miles from here'.
I've spoken in plenty of my posts about feeling depressed by my home town. When I left sixth form college I decided to go to Uni as far away as possible (a really brave move considering I was always so shy and timid), because this town made me feel sick. In the end I moved 200 miles south and, even though that town was even less inspiring, I somehow felt more at home there.
Since I've come home i've done lots of things to try and change the way I feel about the place and to make it more comfortable for myself. I've volunteered for conservation societies, theatre groups and currently a health club. It's really good because I'm meeting lots of new people and I'm trying to build up to go on trips and even foreign breaks.
I think the reasons that I feel depressed in this town are:
a) I've always tried so hard to get away from it and I feel like I've got nowhere
b) I feel like I'm a city person and I need that lifestyle and lots of things to do and see all the time. I feel under-stimulated here
c) I feel like the mentality here is very narrow-minded, racist, sexist, get drunk, crap job, council house
d) When i have lived away I have been in much closer proximity to people (eg, student digs) and I've felt more involved in things. Here, I don't really have friends that i can go out for a drink with or go round to their house.
e) My family can be quite critical and negative and I get much more of it living at home again
f) I feel like job opportunities here are very limited and I'm likely to end up in factory work
g) I feel like people here are less interesting and exciting than people in London. In London, the possibility of the unexpected happening was exciting.
h)I feel stuck here and that I daren't get a place of my own, leave town or go out and see the world
I know that is very negative and that's what's keeping me depressed. I'm now going to attempt to turn those negatives round myself:
a) I've been to University, I've lived in London, I've travelled to France, Spain, Holland, Ireland, Belgium. They are experiences that meant a lot to me. Sometimes I was nervous, but it didn't stop me doing those things and I even enjoyed them and looked forward to them. My confidence was probably at it's peak when I went to Ibiza and now it's not so high. I should appreciate how much I have done and realise that my confidence with grow and that I will add to those experiences in the future. I would like to travel to places such as the Munich Beer festival with the health club. There is no reason why I cannot do that.
b) I live less than 30 miles from both manchester and Liverpool and Chester and warrington are on my doorstep too. Many people who live in the city take for granted the facilities and opportunities they have. many people who live in the city would like to swap places with me and live in the country. I have the best of both worlds.
c) there are a lot of people around me and in the town generally who can be narrow-minded, but I am fortunate that I have met people through the health club who are educated, well-travelled and interested in trying new things. At the moment I have lot