.Poppy.
29-02-12, 04:56
I've had anxiety my entire life; for the past four years I've had health anxiety in addition to regular anxiety that shows itself in various ways.
I never used to "harm" in the past - when I got really upset and angry, I would usually just hyperventilate, sometimes come close to throwing up (never actually did, even though my anxiety can cause me to be sick at other times).
Over the past year, though, I've started to. I do NOT just sit around and cut myself, nor do I do it on a regular basis. I think in the past year I have had three incidents - two that resulted in an actual injury (one left a somewhat fading scar and the most recent likely will as well).
For me, it's as if I just get so frustrated and have so much bottled up that I feel I will just burst. I typically feel angry and/or that no one is really understanding me at that point in time. The first time was when my father was taking me and my brother back to the college dorms, my brother and I fought, and he smacked me. My father did nothing (he rarely disciplines my brother). I felt so frustrated and angry, and as I was about to see my roommate, and we were in town, I couldn't get it out so I just scratched myself - over and over. The most recent time I'd been arguing with my brother for hours, he wasn't listening to me, and I did it again because I just felt so...upset.
Typing this it feels like I've overreacted and I don't want to be this way at all. For me, it's almost like the scratching is distracting me and helping me to focus so that I can calm down.
I don't go to any therapy for my anxiety because I'm not sure it is covered by our insurance and I don't want to make my parents pay - and honestly, they don't know the level of anxiety I sometimes have and I don't really talk about it because I don't like to seem dramatic. I also don't want to be on medication anyway, and am not sure what they would think about CBT. Also - I know this is strange - but I'm trying so hard to just be strong and work through things *myself* and have actually come pretty far.
My question here is - I've read the article this site has to offer....does anyone have experience with this, and do you think those methods work? I hate myself so much afterward and I hate lying to people about what happened, so I'm willing to try.
Thanks.
I never used to "harm" in the past - when I got really upset and angry, I would usually just hyperventilate, sometimes come close to throwing up (never actually did, even though my anxiety can cause me to be sick at other times).
Over the past year, though, I've started to. I do NOT just sit around and cut myself, nor do I do it on a regular basis. I think in the past year I have had three incidents - two that resulted in an actual injury (one left a somewhat fading scar and the most recent likely will as well).
For me, it's as if I just get so frustrated and have so much bottled up that I feel I will just burst. I typically feel angry and/or that no one is really understanding me at that point in time. The first time was when my father was taking me and my brother back to the college dorms, my brother and I fought, and he smacked me. My father did nothing (he rarely disciplines my brother). I felt so frustrated and angry, and as I was about to see my roommate, and we were in town, I couldn't get it out so I just scratched myself - over and over. The most recent time I'd been arguing with my brother for hours, he wasn't listening to me, and I did it again because I just felt so...upset.
Typing this it feels like I've overreacted and I don't want to be this way at all. For me, it's almost like the scratching is distracting me and helping me to focus so that I can calm down.
I don't go to any therapy for my anxiety because I'm not sure it is covered by our insurance and I don't want to make my parents pay - and honestly, they don't know the level of anxiety I sometimes have and I don't really talk about it because I don't like to seem dramatic. I also don't want to be on medication anyway, and am not sure what they would think about CBT. Also - I know this is strange - but I'm trying so hard to just be strong and work through things *myself* and have actually come pretty far.
My question here is - I've read the article this site has to offer....does anyone have experience with this, and do you think those methods work? I hate myself so much afterward and I hate lying to people about what happened, so I'm willing to try.
Thanks.