kristy5095
29-02-12, 14:06
I have had HA for nearly 10 years and recently started CBT after having a complete breakdown in July 2011 and becoming suicidal.
One of the major points that I have learnt is that, I will still have symptoms but its how I deal with them that becomes the issue....e.g/ automatically thinking that I am under attack by some illness which if I do not get cured will kill me, and in all probablilty quite quickly too !!
This thought whether conscious or sub-conscious triggers a chemical reaction which causes more symptoms which can be absolutely anything as the rational part of the brain has now been dis-engaged and it is a frightening fast cycle down to the bottom.
Another part is REASSURANCE, this should NOT be mistaken for attention seeking as it is very much not the case. But seeknig reassurance for the above feelings and symptoms give a very very short hit of comfort and normality......a little like a drug addict would get and you need more, more regular to achieve the same effect. Until, like me you get no reassurance or feelings of comfort and you do not know where to turn, you become manic and sourcing information off the internet, books, friends, family, seeking reassurance and all the time your symptoms are at the forefront of your mind that this time I might be right because what I am feeling is real !!
Even after having over the past 5 years, 2 x MRI's, heartscans, 24hr ECG,scans on most of my internal organs, so many blood tests the most recent being a whole list of blood tests in Sept, I still feel most days physically ill.......currently I feel its my heart because of palpations and dizziness.
I google to within an inch of my life !! although I now am quite devious in what I search for as I put in anxiety, peri-menopause (I am 38) so as not to get the horrible life threatening illnesses back in the search list........why do I do this....simple...REASSURANCE....does it work, No but the alternative is the equivelant to going cold turkey and that itself causes my symptoms to increase.
Anyway hope this makes sense.........:lac:
One of the major points that I have learnt is that, I will still have symptoms but its how I deal with them that becomes the issue....e.g/ automatically thinking that I am under attack by some illness which if I do not get cured will kill me, and in all probablilty quite quickly too !!
This thought whether conscious or sub-conscious triggers a chemical reaction which causes more symptoms which can be absolutely anything as the rational part of the brain has now been dis-engaged and it is a frightening fast cycle down to the bottom.
Another part is REASSURANCE, this should NOT be mistaken for attention seeking as it is very much not the case. But seeknig reassurance for the above feelings and symptoms give a very very short hit of comfort and normality......a little like a drug addict would get and you need more, more regular to achieve the same effect. Until, like me you get no reassurance or feelings of comfort and you do not know where to turn, you become manic and sourcing information off the internet, books, friends, family, seeking reassurance and all the time your symptoms are at the forefront of your mind that this time I might be right because what I am feeling is real !!
Even after having over the past 5 years, 2 x MRI's, heartscans, 24hr ECG,scans on most of my internal organs, so many blood tests the most recent being a whole list of blood tests in Sept, I still feel most days physically ill.......currently I feel its my heart because of palpations and dizziness.
I google to within an inch of my life !! although I now am quite devious in what I search for as I put in anxiety, peri-menopause (I am 38) so as not to get the horrible life threatening illnesses back in the search list........why do I do this....simple...REASSURANCE....does it work, No but the alternative is the equivelant to going cold turkey and that itself causes my symptoms to increase.
Anyway hope this makes sense.........:lac: