nstama
29-02-12, 23:00
There is so much to say, you know those things that build up inside your head but you've never said them out loud so it's hard to find the right words?
I am 19 years old and sometimes I feel like I am, and that is a good feeling. But then there are the other times where I not only feel like my life is over but sometimes it's like I'm not even here. I have suffered through all of the physical symptoms of panic/anxiety over and over and have done all the research and the tests and I know it's part of who I am now. I don't even remember what it feels like to have the weight of panic off of my shoulders and to be a normal teenager. Sometimes I just look at people at my school or just anywhere and I feel jealousy because I miss feeling okay. Some days are better than others. I can kind of control the way I feel and revert back to my version of "normal". But then there are the days like today where I am just so sad. I am sad and helpless because I don't think this is fair and I want so badly someone to talk to who understands. I have amazing friends and family and they feel for me, I know they do but they can't understand how bad it is. How sometimes my body is an empty shell and I don't know where the rest of me has gone and I can be sitting there but really I am not there at all and that scares me so much. Or when a sudden wave comes over me and I feel like I can't breath. And these things give no warning. I can't sleep at night, and then I'm so tired during the day so my anxiety is worse. I have heart pains that I shouldn't have because I am 19 ****ing years old. I just want it to stop. I wish for that every single day.
I just want somebody to talk to who really knows what I am talking about because I feel so alone here.
I really hope that all of you are doing well, or just trying your damn best to do well because that's all we can do. I am willing to talk to anybody because we all need support here
best of luck, really.
I am 19 years old and sometimes I feel like I am, and that is a good feeling. But then there are the other times where I not only feel like my life is over but sometimes it's like I'm not even here. I have suffered through all of the physical symptoms of panic/anxiety over and over and have done all the research and the tests and I know it's part of who I am now. I don't even remember what it feels like to have the weight of panic off of my shoulders and to be a normal teenager. Sometimes I just look at people at my school or just anywhere and I feel jealousy because I miss feeling okay. Some days are better than others. I can kind of control the way I feel and revert back to my version of "normal". But then there are the days like today where I am just so sad. I am sad and helpless because I don't think this is fair and I want so badly someone to talk to who understands. I have amazing friends and family and they feel for me, I know they do but they can't understand how bad it is. How sometimes my body is an empty shell and I don't know where the rest of me has gone and I can be sitting there but really I am not there at all and that scares me so much. Or when a sudden wave comes over me and I feel like I can't breath. And these things give no warning. I can't sleep at night, and then I'm so tired during the day so my anxiety is worse. I have heart pains that I shouldn't have because I am 19 ****ing years old. I just want it to stop. I wish for that every single day.
I just want somebody to talk to who really knows what I am talking about because I feel so alone here.
I really hope that all of you are doing well, or just trying your damn best to do well because that's all we can do. I am willing to talk to anybody because we all need support here
best of luck, really.