Not sure we ever get over it and do we lose the ability to cope ?

[nomorepanic]

Today I had a reminder that I am still a panic/anxiety sufferer and probably always will be despite have many many good months of no problems at all then wham a bad day like today.

My issues are driving and my worst physical symptom is swallowing problems when I do get panicky/stressed.

I was driving up the A1 tonight and hit traffic. There is no hard shoulder on this stretch of the A1 - just barriers and I thought I was ok until WHAM it hit me. I could feel the panic building up and the sheer panic that I was stuck on this road and couldn't get off for another 1.5 miles.

First thought was omg i want to get off and can't. Then I decided to call my partner and tell him just to talk to me to distract me. The Tom Tom (my hands free phone device as well as Sat Nav) worked for about 1 minute then decided to disconnect me and give up. Partner calls back but I can't answer as I was driving.

Ok so what next - ummmm getting panicky now. Can't get off and moving slowly and nowhere to stop or turn off. :weep:

Can't cope - forgotten HOW to cope. Forget how to breathe and how to "talk" to myself to control it.

I finally see the roundabout sign ahead - phew I can get off in 1/2 mile. I turn off and go the very long way round to get to where I wanted to go.

Then the swallowing becomes a big problem and I start coughing and sort of choking and can't swallow and end up stopping the car and being sick. :wacko:

Ok right what do I do now - yup I carry on and go to where I want to be - avoiding the A1 of course. Stupid idea of mine to tackle it in rush hour.

Get there drained and worn out from the whole thing and so frustrated that this can still haunt me after many many years.

Text a friend from NMP who reassures me I am ok and it will pass etc - thanks for that :hugs:

I get home and totally drained!

I drove up this road a few weeks ago and it had road works and traffic and I never gave it a second thought so why was today so bad?

I was tired, I have had a really tiring week with a builder coming at 8am every day and then me going to work for a few hours and not getting home until after 6pm every day.

I have to rationalise things here and not let them take over or it will set me back.

Ok at the time I was really really scared and felt rubbish but it was a one-off and I am not now going back to suffering again.

I recognise I was tired, a bit run down and I was not in the right frame of mind to face the challenge - but so what? I will bounce back and I will do it again next week I am sure with no issues.

Not sure why I am posting this but I guess it is to let people know that I am still a sufferer here and though I may come across as "cured" and have no problems these things still come back to bite me on the backside too.

The thing now is that I move on and not dwell on it and that is what makes the difference - just get out there again and face it and prove that it can't kill me

Thanks for reading anyway

[Pipkin]

Hi Nicola,

I really enjoyed reading your post and I know just what you mean - fine for ages and then it just jumps out and hits you when you're not expecting it. You're absolutely right, it's your attitude about how it affects you and knowing that you can deal with it next time that makes the difference.

Take care

Pip xx

[nomorepanic]

Yeah Pips - it is how you pick youself up afterwards and carry on. I wanted to go home but no I carried on to prove that anxiety will not win this battle.

Thanks for your reply.

[Hunter]

aww sorry to hear about your day nic. i have had similar happenings and know they arnt easy . but you got through it and are okay :) .

[nomorepanic]

Thanks Dan. Yeah I am ok - just shaken and angry cos I didn't do what I tell people on here to do. But it is the way you carry on after that is important and also recognising why it happened.

[Rain]

Nic, sorry you had a hard day with panic rearing its ugly head. Hope tomorrow will be better. :hugs:

[nomorepanic]

Thanks Rain xxx

[kittikat]

Thats a horrible thing to hit you out of the blue, and you're right, when it comes like that you do forget how to deal with it, that vicious circle. Hopefully it won't happen again but maybe you will be expecting it to so you will be more prepared to cope if it does. It's amazing that your attitude is so positive.

I was great for a couple of years then wham! same thing happened to me. I agree that you are never really free from it, and it can hit you like a bolt out of the blue when you least expect it. Your post is encouraging and inspiring to all of us who suffer pa's. Thanks for sharing your story and hope it was just a 'one off'.

Take care x

[saro]

Hope you feel better soon nic :hugs: stay strong x

[nomorepanic]

Thank you kittikat for your reply.

It was totally out of the blue and no reason for it except I was so tired and run down this week so I guess things are always worse.

I have to remain positive or I know it will take over again and I refuse to go down that path so yes I will suffer with anxiety tonight then tomorrow refuse to let it take another day of my life.

[Anxious_gal]

It's scary when the panic comes out of the blue.
Panic attacks will always be scary , we will often feel like this is it, this is the one that will make me go crazy or cause me harm.

It's so much worse when you're alone and feeling trapped.
There's no one there to comfort or save you.

I've gotten better at dealing with anxiety when I'm out but it still feels the same , it's scary as hell. I'm often left rather shaken afterwards.

I try to focus on the positives , even though I panicked I still got through it ok.

The only thing I know is that avoidance leads to more anxiety and isolation.
I'd rather live a little with a few panic attacks than be couped up in my house.

I see my self as two people, there's me that's somewhat calm nd rational and the me that's in panic mode and irrational , scared and vurnerable.

When I panic I try to talk myself down , which is almost impossible when I'm feeling like I'm suffocating or about to pass out or I think I'm loosing my mind.

I try to remember that nothing bad has ever happened to me durning a panic attack.

I think the fact you went driving alone even if you did panic is a huge achievement .
For people who have anxiety simple things can be much harder for us and I think we need to give ourselves more credit for doing the little things because they sure don't come easy :)

If any person without anxiety experienced your symptoms they would be scared too.

[Elen]

Nic, thank you for posting this, it is a good reminder to us all that anxiety and panic can still rear it's ugly head.

You are so right in saying that it is where you go from here that is important, you have recognised the triggers for the attack so in a way you can rationalise it and understand why it happened.

Well done honey, even in the midst of panic you managed not to freeze instead you worked your way out of the situation.

Onwards and upwards Nic

Elen xxx

[venusbluejeans]

:hugs: you are welcome........I notice you did not tell anybody what my exact advice to you was but probably for the best :whistles:

As I said then and have said to you since, it is not that it happened it is that you accept it has and then dust yourself down and not dwell on it because if you do that is when you dig yourself into that hole.

accept it happened......... rationalize about why it has happened........be proud that you got through it............ accept that it may happen again at some point in the future and you will cope with it and it will pass and will not hurt you.

s**t happens but you then you just have to rationalize and get on with things otherwise otherwise the big Panic/anx monster consumes you and as we all know when you are in that hole it is very hard to climb out of it.

STAY POSITIVE, ACCEPT THINGS AND BE RATIONAL

And Nic :hugs:and glad you took the other bit of advice too :winks:

[pinkdove]

hii nicola, i have been there, and it is so scary, knowing you can't just stop and get out, or turn off into a safe place, but you did it, and i know how hard that is, so well done, are we ever cured? i hope so, but then again we need to feel normal feelings of stress, it's when it get out of control it's hard.

i will always suffer from anxiety, but i will never go back to where i was a couple of years ago, like you i will carry on and face it again, and the next time it will be better.

sending you :hugs:

[Mountainclimber]

Well done , you controled yourself, and you were in charge, not the panic attack, its over now, history in the past. Treat yourself, and have a good day, stay positive. :yesyes:

[eternally optimistic]

I agree with Murphys post.

Although you feel disappointed about the reoccurence, you DID cope with it and that is the most important thing.

I must admit something BIG going wrong is always something that
bugs me in the back of my mind.

I think your post does say you wish it hadnt happened BUT, more importantly, I think it says you are going to get on with it. That
in itself, is definitely the most crucial thing here.

Dont give yourself a hard time, you are dealing with it and that is only good.

Lots of best wishes...

Take care.

J

[Carys]

Awwwww, I'm sorry that sounds really unpleasant, but you did really well actually; You didn't let it stop you, you employed coping strategies, you got through it and you aren't going to let it hold you back now ! The fear that strikes within that second of complete panic starting is terrifying.

I have to say that I am of the way of thinking that panic attacks will occur through my whole life, well they have certainly done in the last 30 years of it LOL I expect and accept that now and again they will pop up at times of stress and tiredness. The difference to years ago is that they don't stop me now. I refuse to stay in the house, not go where I want, do what I want and refuse to be constrained by them in any shape or form.

I wish you luck Nicola, you did good !!! :yesyes:

[nomorepanic]

Thank You for all the lovely positive comments and advice/support.

I am fine today and I know I will have to get back on the A1 very soon to prove I can do it without panic setting in again.

Thank You

[xfilme]

I find its best when you remind yourself that its never a setback if you keep moving forwards. As with any problem, so long as its two steps forward and one step back, and not the other way around, you're still making progress. x

[AngelHeart]

Hope your ok hun ! TBH I dont think it ever goes away but we learn to control it, I've had it 10 years now and it rears its ugly head every now and again and each time I just think its a one off and wont last and it doesn't. So just have that in your mind, and dont dwell on it because dwelling makes it worse and helps the anxiety and panic to feed, we have to disconnect ourselves and remind ourselves that we still will have bad days but they wont last. xxx

[suzy-sue]

Your bad experience sounds awful Nic.:shades::hugs:.But you managed to get to safety before you got out of the car ..That was one hell of an achievement ...A friend of mine stopped in the middle of a dual carriage once ,due to the same thing happening ....I dont think you lose the ability to cope so much ..But you do become less practiced at coping ..Im sure you will continue to Kick its Butt and carry on despite this yesterdy .Think of all the journeys you have made and this didnt happen ...A one off ..Is just that ..and it was due to Tiredness and being rundown ..Its not one step backwards But another attack which you managed to deal with ..Well done ..I hope you catch up on your sleep this w/e ...As an old Member used to say "NO SURRENDER ".T/c .Luv Sue xx

[nomorepanic]

Thanks Sue.

This is what annoys me cos I did the A1 a few weeks ago and sat in traffic and then road works and coped fine. No idea why yesterday was different apart from being tired etc.

I just wish anxiety would go and never come back sometimes!

[flossie]

Hi Nicola. This is the first opportunity I have had ti talk to you since joining NMP.
Firstly, thank you for a great forum and chat room. Thanks also for pointing me in the direction of No Panic. I have phoned them a couple of times for advice and they have been extremely kind and generous with their time.
Reading of your latest adventure on the A1 I could feel the panic you were describing. After over 20 years of living my life within the safety of my home I am now venturing out into that big world of the unknown. Your story has given me faith that I too can learn that when things go pear shaped I will cope.
Chalk that journey up as a coping technique exam and you passed. :yesyes:

[Mindful]

Hi all, i dont think it ever really leaves us either, i have had times in my life when i have been panic free, years at a time, but even then i still have moments when i lose it, i think, for me, the difference in a well period of my life compared to a not so well period is how i react to the panic-anxiety.

When i have been in a well period, certain places, Tesco, Town centers, school plays and so on where i have had major horrid panic before always make me feel a bit edgy, i think its memory related and memories arent easily forgotten. But in a well period even though i may have anxiety about those places, and even panic sometimes,i manage to let it go afterwards so i dont make it a big deal in my head. I can tell myself pretty quickly that its memory that made me feel edgy which lead to anxiety which lead to a panic attack.

Course when i get into panic mode i cant tell myself anything at all lol apart from OMG OMG OMG ...Once panic has hit, really trying to think anything becomes impossible for me, my mind races and i cant seem to think straight and i am too concerned with how i feel. For me when i get into that state my goal is to not leg it, to see it through is my only goal. No point even attempting to rid myself of the feelings of panic, the more i want them gone the more i panic and the more they come. Eventually the panic passes and then comes the crucial time, for me anyway. How i react now is important for me, do i dwell on it, worry about the next outing... sink into inward thinking, googling, getting my anxiety books out and so on.. or do i give myself a pat on the back for surviving another panic surge, and let it go. In a well period of my life i let it go, in a not so well period i cling on to it and analise it and slip inward in my thinking and get worse and worse.

I think you did brilliantly Nicola, dont forget a thought can be so so quick, you may have had just one tiny teeny memory thought of past times on that road, without even realising it, that would be enough to start off some sensations which we know can escalate into panic.

Talking of cars, i was dropping my kids to their dad yesterday, right at rush hour, i was sat at the lights for what felt like forever and suddenly i was aware of my tongue, it was tense which made me feel like i couldnt breath, which quickly made my mouth dry, swallowing was impossible and then my head felt like it was suddenly too heavy for my shoulders... jeepers creepers all this in a few minutes because i was at the lights and had one thought which escalated . I did carry on my journery and had to drive home again and i was very edgy, time i got home i felt like i had just ran the journey rather than driven it.
I blame memory for relapses, we cant wipe it out, but we can decide how we react. x

[macc noodle]

Ah Nic, seems we have both had a timely reminder of why we are here in the first place eh?

Yesterday I was really looking forward to a day out at The Trafford Centre for a bit of retail therapy !!!

On the way there, huge PA whilst going down M-way - why you may ask ?? I kind of guess it is because I am really strung out about my upcoming Ultrasound and ongoing stomach pain which causes my HA to put me on general high alert PLUS that particular stretch of M-way always always used to leave me in a right tailspin when I was at my worst with GAD and PAs - so kind of a memory thing added in too I guess.

So, singing away to myself I carried on and parked up - half of me mindful to go home and the other half saying well you are here now ruddy well get on with it!!

A cup of camomile tea later, I started to shop - well no I did not - I walked around like a headless chicken - feeling all hot and bothered, sweaty, legs aching, stomach aching, feeling sick and dizzy and feeling that if I did not get out of there I would pass out ............................................

Two choices to be made - either stop worrying about falling to the floor and dying (don't laugh) or carry on and see what happens.................

Well I went to the loo and took one of my layers off to feel a bit cooler, chewed on a Rennie, bought a bottle of water and sipped it and then concentrated on looking at stuff in the shops ...............

In the end it subsided and I was able to carry on ........ yep had a few wobbles during the trip but stayed the course and came home blinking exhausted but still alive and kicking!!!!

Oh the joys...........

Glad you got through it too honey.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Carys]

Nicely put Macc Noodle, sometimes it is darn hard work to get through the feelings, but it is so worth it when you do. Your experience reminds me of how a couple of my long shopping trips have sometimes gone in the past, right down to the buying water and taking indigestion tablets LOL Running away and avoiding aint the way to go, but it takes serious effort to address it. :yesyes:

[blue moon]

Morning Nicola....This is small setback,our sub conscious minds plays games with us, you have had lot of stuff to deal with on the site lately,it is wonder you still have all your sanity
The main thing Nic you got through it and kept going good on YOU.
Love Petra x:flowers:

[ewood79]

Well done Nicola for keeping on keeping after wards and getting to the destination etc!!!!