Do I have anger issues?

[WillyB]

My whole life I can remember being agitated easily. For the past year my brother has been making me incredibly angry. He is 18, and I'm 20 and its not just teenage rivalry or anything like that. Everything he does infuriates me, he doesn't care one bit about anyone else in this house, or anything that isn't his own. He's still at school yet goes out nearly every night drinking, then brings his mates back in the early hours of the morning and wakes everyone up, yet nobody does anything. My dad has given up on him and I don't blame him, My brother treats my dad like crap. My mother on the other hand gives him everything he wants. She does absolutely nothing about his behaviour and see's nothing wrong with it. Even when he does something really stupid, like have a house party and trashes the house, all he will get is a little talking to by my mother. Whenever I bring something up with my parents, its 'I've given up' from my Dad, and 'Oh leave him alone its not that bad' from my mother.

I'm raging over this from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, and its now effecting my life in many ways. The anger I feel is becoming overwhelming and so is my hatred for him. I don't want to hate him, i want the brother back I had a few years ago who i sometimes got angry with but let go. I cant do a single damn thing about him now as he wont listen to anyone at all. I want to get the hell out of this house and never see him again, but that's impossible.

Sorry I just have to vent here, I can see I'm incredibly angry all the time, but can I put it down to anger issues when the problem is well worth getting angry over? How can I ignore him when I live with him, this anger and hatred is causing me immense stress and anxiety, and then I feel bad for feeling this way, but I just cant do anything.

[Darrenb74]

Hello willy. Have you tried talking to him one on one? I really don't know what to say without knowing either of yous. You probably just both have different personalities from each other and that's not a bad thing. I have three brothers and two sisters and although we all get on really really well. We still have our differences and get on each others wrong sides from time to time. You're probably both at the ages where you both are changing from teenagers into adults so that can be a factor aswell. try not dwell on it and if it really doesn't bother your parents then try ease up on your feelings towards him. Try see the good in him. Hope this helped a bit?

Darren :)

[Carys]

Hiyer Willy,

Is there any way that you could live independently, you may have outgrown the 'being at home' situation. I realise this can be a very difficult move for some people, there are financial implications and of course you may be a student or not able to move away for other reasons, but it sounds like your brother isn't as mature as you and this is going to drive you nuts at the moment.

Sorry edited to add - I've just seen that you have said it was impossible for you to move away from home.

[ShazyA]

Hi willyb
I agree with Darren you are obviously of different personalities and maybe you are at different levels of maturity, your brother is still living his teenage years wereas you have grown into the resposible adult.
You really need to talk on a one to one and find some compromise to ensure the happiness of evryone in the household.. It must also be impossible for your parents living in the mayhem even if they dont admit it, it sounds like they just want a quiet life. Bite the bullet have a chat with your brother maybe in a neutral environment or somewere public were its less likely you will argue.

[WillyB]

Thank you for the replies, re-reading my post is actually horrible, hatred is such a strong feeling. Its just so hard to focus on anything else when he's around. I'm just going to have to accept that I cant get away from him. Even just hearing him come home, especially at night my heart starts racing and my anxiety goes through the roof.

It does bother my Dad, i feel so sorry for him when I see my brother tell him to shut up or just go against anything he says in front of him. There's no way I can talk one on one to him, everything we ever say to him, he'll just sit there going 'yeah cool nice one'.

Perhaps in a few years he'll change and realise whats going on.

[snowgoose]

Hi:)

I think your feelings are very valid and can get how upset and angry you are
So it isnt unusual and not that you have anger issues that are not the norm.
this is happening up and down the country ......you are sensitive and care so feel it more . Nowt wrong with that .

Truly parents will deal with things like this well or badly as in life for us all .
You cant take their worry on board along with your own stress .
He is being selfish . And chickens come home to roost eventually . he will find this out himself .

The most important person here is you . keep communication open with your brother if you can ...tell your feelings when time is right .
And your parents are that .....parents . Dont take on extra worry for them .

truly get the anger thing though Willy ...........been there and still at 57 going through it with so called family :blush::winks:

you are ok .
snow x

[ShazyA]

stick headphones in your ears lol then you dont hear him come in, or try some distraction techniques when hes around, something that requires concentration. try some relaxation to block him out. its not going to be easy but hopefully he will grow up soon group.