RavenLight
04-03-12, 19:15
so, i was doing well for a while. really well. going to bed early, getting up early. even when i didn't have a lot to do i was happy to be awake. and, now, the panic is coming back and the dp goes in and out.
my bf and i have been together a little over 4 years. he's been the most consistent man in my son's life. this has been my family. we broke up last june but continued to live together because we couldn't afford to move out. that was my excuse but i believed we would get back together. so now our lease is up in 2 months and the reality of it is finally starting to hit me.
he says he's made up his mind and doesn't want to continue though he still loves me and is going to miss me and everything else people say when they're the ones leaving.
we've lived in this complex for over 2 years and my son has all of his friends here. my parents live across the way so it all works out well. but, i don't want to live here (in this complex, city or state) if we break up. it's too hard for me to look around and be reminded of him. i've got other places i could go but i'm terrified of completely uprooting and leaving my parents.
i keep feeling like life is going to end in 2 months. that, after he drives away i'm going to crumble and the dp and panic are going to take over because i'm having such a hard time and i'm going to lose it. and i hate that this is happening. it's like death. it feels like i'm watching him die and there's nothing i can do.
i woke up yesterday in a panic and spent half the day feeling dizzy and thinking i should go to the ER. i don't want my life to stop again. but i really feel scared and lost and the sadness is overwhelming.
i've always been able to see past my other relationships. knew that despite the pain of the loss i was going to be ok. when i met this guy i really believed that we would get old together. i was married before and this feels more like a divorce than my actual divorce.
anyway, sorry this is so long. i just don't know how to deal with this. how to be strong. how not to panic. how to change my thinking and perspective.
any support and encouragement would be so appreciated. especially, obviously, from those that have have been through it. please please remind me that there's life after.
my bf and i have been together a little over 4 years. he's been the most consistent man in my son's life. this has been my family. we broke up last june but continued to live together because we couldn't afford to move out. that was my excuse but i believed we would get back together. so now our lease is up in 2 months and the reality of it is finally starting to hit me.
he says he's made up his mind and doesn't want to continue though he still loves me and is going to miss me and everything else people say when they're the ones leaving.
we've lived in this complex for over 2 years and my son has all of his friends here. my parents live across the way so it all works out well. but, i don't want to live here (in this complex, city or state) if we break up. it's too hard for me to look around and be reminded of him. i've got other places i could go but i'm terrified of completely uprooting and leaving my parents.
i keep feeling like life is going to end in 2 months. that, after he drives away i'm going to crumble and the dp and panic are going to take over because i'm having such a hard time and i'm going to lose it. and i hate that this is happening. it's like death. it feels like i'm watching him die and there's nothing i can do.
i woke up yesterday in a panic and spent half the day feeling dizzy and thinking i should go to the ER. i don't want my life to stop again. but i really feel scared and lost and the sadness is overwhelming.
i've always been able to see past my other relationships. knew that despite the pain of the loss i was going to be ok. when i met this guy i really believed that we would get old together. i was married before and this feels more like a divorce than my actual divorce.
anyway, sorry this is so long. i just don't know how to deal with this. how to be strong. how not to panic. how to change my thinking and perspective.
any support and encouragement would be so appreciated. especially, obviously, from those that have have been through it. please please remind me that there's life after.