sam66
04-03-12, 20:11
Ok, Im not going over old stuff, childhood crap, yeah teenage abuse yeah, managed to deal so far, raised two lads, had a heroin addict brother to see straight, same old....
my anx looking back was even there as a kid, family life was living in one room away from my mentally ill father.
My eldest brother was a gem, looked after us and made sure we were fed as my father used to gamble all our money away, my earliest memory of him was taking my rabbit out of his cage and bashing it against a wall, the screams it made... then told over the dinner table to be grateful you have food, frankly Id rather starve and I did.
We have had an awful lot of conflict in our family, considering the pain my father inflicted when I found out he'd died I contacted the people who knew him then and asked if I could go to his funeral and was refused, a man that had wished me dead at 14, to pay my last respects to. 'you never cared for him when he was alive. why now'
I did care for him but everything was my fault, that was his illness not mine and no one has the right to judge what they dont know.
My Son was abused several years ago, I lost my Mum, some other stuff, but I wasnt here when she died, I tryed to make a new life with my kids, but cut short as I needed o be back for her funeral and to make sure my brother never fell off the rails again.
We did the will thing, my eldest brother tried to exempt myself and my other brother from it.
I had a few letters from her while I was away telling me how much I had damaged my kids, how selfish I was, how... ok this bit I cant do
We did the will bit, my brother did fall apart and scraped the streets for him on many a night, going thro mums stuff my eldest brother took great delight in telling me 'she didnt want you in her will, in fact she didnt even like you' you killed her.
I have just found his e-mail address and would like to ask if I leave it, or perhaps share out some of the pain he gave me?
my anx looking back was even there as a kid, family life was living in one room away from my mentally ill father.
My eldest brother was a gem, looked after us and made sure we were fed as my father used to gamble all our money away, my earliest memory of him was taking my rabbit out of his cage and bashing it against a wall, the screams it made... then told over the dinner table to be grateful you have food, frankly Id rather starve and I did.
We have had an awful lot of conflict in our family, considering the pain my father inflicted when I found out he'd died I contacted the people who knew him then and asked if I could go to his funeral and was refused, a man that had wished me dead at 14, to pay my last respects to. 'you never cared for him when he was alive. why now'
I did care for him but everything was my fault, that was his illness not mine and no one has the right to judge what they dont know.
My Son was abused several years ago, I lost my Mum, some other stuff, but I wasnt here when she died, I tryed to make a new life with my kids, but cut short as I needed o be back for her funeral and to make sure my brother never fell off the rails again.
We did the will thing, my eldest brother tried to exempt myself and my other brother from it.
I had a few letters from her while I was away telling me how much I had damaged my kids, how selfish I was, how... ok this bit I cant do
We did the will bit, my brother did fall apart and scraped the streets for him on many a night, going thro mums stuff my eldest brother took great delight in telling me 'she didnt want you in her will, in fact she didnt even like you' you killed her.
I have just found his e-mail address and would like to ask if I leave it, or perhaps share out some of the pain he gave me?