relapse

[rachael1]

Hi I was just wanting a bit of support. I started on citalopram in jan for gad and depression and had my first session with a councillor for cbt on wednesday and since then the anxiety has been creeping back. Last night I was up since 4 being sick as I feel so nervous and today I can't face eating anything. I'm not anxious about anything in particular, just worried about feeling like this forever which will result in the loss of my job, my husband and son and that I will end up in a mental institute. Is there anything else I can try? What is this horrible disease? I'm so scared and could really do with some advice and support. Thank you in advance x

[nomorepanic]

Hi rachael1

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[potato11]

Hiya Rachael

Do you mean the anxiety has increased since the first CBT session?

That happened with me, it was pretty funny really - I went in fairly confident and came out feeling anxious!!! hahaha

I think it was the fact that addressing the problems and talking about your anxiety magnifies your focus on them and can upset you talking about your problems. I know my thoughts were like "why am i here?! i cant believe im having to speak to someone because im anxious over seemingly nothing. how crazy is this" lalalalala

This in turn can result in increased focus on anxiety outside of the CBT session aswell (well it did for me anyway) which might lead to more 'anticipatory anxiety' which will make you more sensitive to panic etc, it's all a cycle

Thing to remember is it will benefit you in the long run - it will take time to change your thoughts and behaviours but as long as you are taking action to do so then don't worry about how long it takes :) you DO have the abilities and strength to overcome it

If you haven't heard about it already, there is an online CBT course that is recommended here on NMP, that you can do alongside your cbt sessions to compliment them, it helped me amazingly

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=91696

:)

[Pipkin]

Hi Rachael and a big, warm :welcome:

I know you'll find lots of people here who share your experiences and that you'll also be able to give a lot to others. I have found it really helpful.

Search the forums and you'll see you're far from alone in your symptoms. I've been exactly where you are and know how awful and terrifying it is. I was convinced I was losing my sanity at one stage. I can reassure you that you're not going to end up in an institution and I see that you're doing all the right things. Try to follow some of the tips on here to distract yourself and, no matter how much you don't feel like it, make sure you're eating - little and often is best, even if it's just cereal. That will definitely make you feel better (even if you feel nauseous whilst eating).

Take care and keep posting

Pip

[rachael1]

Thanks so much for the advice. I believe your right that talking about my anxiety has brought it to the fore front of my mind again. No sleep and not eating doesn't help either. I would rather lose a limb than feel like this. I've always been a nervous person but the councillor believes my dad dying of alcoholism and my mum being bipolar is driving the belief that I will never get better. I just wish I could snap myself out of this. Have you felt like this and got back to your normal self? X

[Pipkin]

Rachael,

To answer your questions - I have and I have! I'll never stop fighting it and I always win the battle and one day I'll win the war.

Take care

Pip x

[bignik]

I just returned from a CBT session and I was in a hell of a state going , had to take a diazepam to calm me down and even through the session anxiety still prevailed , leg bouncings , rubbing hands etc ... funnily enough when I got home I seem to have settled down

I think the feeling of not getting better and the slow process of getting better is what makes us anxious at these times.

Keep you chin up and dont give in to anxiety and its wicked ways

[potato11]

Rachael

Yes I have, infact some of my darkest times have been in recovery!!

I think it's due to the pressure created by 'knowing what you should be doing' and in my case sometimes I used CBT against myself, in the way that instead of doing the exercises etc I'd think, "CBT worked at first, but today I feel awful, surely it must be something else other than anxiety, surely I'm part of the small percent that can never get better" etc lol.

But you learn something from every day, no matter how small, and there will come a point where you can piece it together and think "Actually, I CAN do this"

Don't let the bad days convince you otherwise - we all have bad days - even without panic/anxiety disorders. It's human nature. Factors such as not eating/sleeping also contribute like you say

Just try, try and try again. Never 'test' yourself, rather always 'practice' what you have learnt

This is when you know you're winning the battle, because you are seeing panic for what it really is - a series of mistaken belief, destructive thought and cycles of fear - and using your new knowledge and skills to overcome it

Personally, I'm still anxious from time to time but the difference now is I am very capable of using my skills to cope - therefore anxiety/panic no longer stop me doing anything - I'm a third year student midwife at the minute (read: under a LOT of pressure!) and I'm doing well

The goal is never to be 'panic free' - more, 'able to cope when panic arises' ... but the funny thing is, when you think like that, you will be pretty much panic free :winks:

[dallas11]

Hi Rachael,
My husband has gone to a 'health retreat' (a.k.a. voluntary intensive psychological residential help) and after a week and a half he is looking and feeling better than I am. There were others there who were mothers, wives, fathers, and young people who had all suffered breakdowns/panic/addictions. I would suggest if you can, looking at some of these places as they may provide an answer to you and if you aren't coping with how your life is, then maybe taking yourself away from the aggravating factors is going to be beneficial not just for you but for your family (in the long term). It's hard being away from my husband but the sense of calm he has now even after just one week is amazing... it may be something you would benefit from. The place he is at does natural therapies in conjunction with regular medicine and psychology, and he used to be having panic attacks every day. Have a think about it.... Hope you're doing okay xxx

[Annip]

Hi. I understand the feeling of paniking about paniking. It is a cycle. In the moments that I feel ok I write down positive thoughts eg I am strong...I am calm.. I am in control.
During less strong moments I try to relax and sing random words to try and keep horrible thoughts away.
I strive to be calm. Reading other peoples thoughts and ideas helps :)

[Patrick Michael]

Hey Rachel

I've gone back onto citalopram about 3-4 weeks ago, and started seeing a counsellor myself a couple of weeks ago. Its true, I feel 'heightened' in my anxiety right now, but osm elittle part of my rational brain tells me, this is the dark before the dawn. It takes enormous courage to turn around and face whatever it is that is driving one's anxiety. Certainly from what you have said, you are NOT your mother and NOT your father either, you are YOU. And you are taking positive steps to address the situation.

Someting that I came across recently is Susan Jeffers book Feal the Fear and Do It Anyway. Thats what we with anxiety do, to meet our issues and win over them, to allow ourselves to lead the life we want to. One of the things she recommends is getting a little noteboo, or and post it stickers, and writing strong positive things about yourself, then constantly referring to them during the day I find I read it to and from work on the train ( be a bit silly posting I AM STRONG, I AM WINNING all over the computer at work - well, it would attract some strange looks ), but a wee notebook on the desk that I can refer to from time to time .... well, its helping me !

Best, good luck and keep going - you're doing fine, and feeling a bit comedy ? well, you are only human after all !

Best

Patrick