Feeling really low and have let myself down

[TallAndrew]

Hi guys,
I have posted in various subsections here and have received sound advice from many people so am looking for similar stuff here. To give a quick general story for those who haven't seen my other threads. I have been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety and Depression (taking citalopram)*and I believe that as part of my symptoms I have become a compulsive masturbator. This leads me to fantazising about other women, especially those that I have met and this causes me great consternation. For some reason if I have met the person then that leads to "aiding" me with any fantasy but of course it isnt very normal!! Since I have been in a relationship for the last month or so I have really tried to not look at pictures on Facebook of any friends etc but last night, after a session with a sexual therapist, we talked about me having formed very rigid boundaries in my head of what I perceive as appropriate behaviour in a relationship and what is not and as I say, these rules are very rigid. Now for a little experiment and partly through compulsion/urge I did look at a picture last night and fantasized about the girl in the picture and now, as I feared I feel like a complete letdown both to myself as well as my girlfriend. I am hopefully seeing a consultant re my OCD etc but these intrusive thoughts are only giving me lots of grief and I am looking for any advice from anyone on how to cope. It is almost like I have a form of split personality. There is the part of me that fears doing anything that could be perceived to hurt my gf in anyway, and the other part which thinks I havent done anything wrong and the more I try to say, not look at an attractive woman, the harder it is to not look.

[crystal17]

Hi Andrew, this is gonna sound crazy but as you have OCD part of the problem is becoming obsessed and fixated on thoughts and then trying to push them away - its like a constant battle. I think you could channel all that energy you spend fighting and instead try to do the opposite - deliberately fantasise about other girls, go out of your way to notice beautiful women (discreetly of course), just act as if its no big deal and that you are allowed to think of whoever you want. Make no topic taboo and when you do this don't feel ashamed, just enjoy it. This will help the intrusive thoughts to lose their grip on you.
I do relate to this, I have been there with obsessive thoughts in various different ways and have found the only way to deal with them is to just embrace them and don't deny them, and since doing that they don't bother me so much.

And it is totally normal (and acceptable, I think) to fantasise about other people even if in a relationship.