We all know what we should be doing, why aren't we doing it?

[Connor_cbt]

I know that's a sweeping generalisation but those of use that have experienced anxiety for any amount of time I think its fair to say know what's wrong and what we should be doing to make it better. So why don't we?

[Pipkin]

Connor,

You're right - if only it were that easy. The logical part of our brain identified what's wrong quite clearly and knows what to do. The anxiety part seems to take over and convince us that our logic is wrong and that we have something to be anxious about.

I've suffered from anxiety for the best part of 30 years and I never give up fighting it, winning most battles, losing some others but I've not yet won the war. I will though once I've reprogrammed my brain to see reason more of the time.

Pip

[Connor_cbt]

thats exactly what bugs the hell out of me! im about 15 years in and cant understand how i can be sitting there telling myself that im just experiencing symptoms of a panic attack, and REALLY know it to be true yet it has no effect whatsoever and i dont understand how i could relapse having been trough all this and 'recovered' once before? It appears ive gone through a depressed anxiety phase and have emerged into an angry one...

[bignik]

my personal belief is it is the brain that causes it , if you can imagine a glass of water full , anxiety is at its peak , we battle with it and a little pours out , and then something else in our lives happens no matter how big or small , tops that glass back up again and hey presto anxiety starts all over again.

I guess what Im trying to say despite how much we wish and hope that glass will empty one day I dont think it ever does for people like us.

Hope this makes sense ... I know silly example ie a glass full of water

[Pipkin]

Connor,

What I also find maddening is that reading other people's posts, it's so easy to see what the problem is and to give clear and constructive advice. Yet when it comes to ourselves, no amount of self-berating or advice from others seems to get through. If someone said the earth is round, I'd say yes I know it is but what if it isn't, how can I be sure? The next thing you know, I've convinced myself that it's square.

It's infuriating!

Pip x

Btw, I know it's round really, it was a metaphor!

[Steve37]

I know that's a sweeping generalisation but those of use that have experienced anxiety for any amount of time I think its fair to say know what's wrong and what we should be doing to make it better. So why don't we?

Scared of change, of deviating from a cycle.

[ShazyA]

The overwhelming fear of having another panic attack, the illogical thinking that kicks in, the ability to convince myself that i am not avoiding, I merely dont want to go out, are some of the reasons.

[PanchoGoz]

Just damned busy.

[Bill]

I think one of the key reasons is Lack of Confidence. If you're confident in your own abilities, you feel capable of anything. If you suffer a lack of confidence, you doubt everything you feel, think and and see, and question all your decisions.

For instance, I thought I'd copy these excerpts from one of your previous posts and underline some key points which all link into confidence issues, and how you Built Self-Confidence by believing in yourself by confronting the issues that were causing your anxiety...

I recently (well in august) quit the job I had been doing for the last seven years,
I spent the preceding weeks turning it over and over in my mind.

didn't like the work i was doing, it was the best paid job i

was really secure,

so the thoughts of
'am i making a mistake?'

'am i being selfish?'

the closer it got the more frantic those doubtful questions became,

'How will they take it?'

'will they be angry

make the next month a living hell?'


The more and more i asked myself these questions I became more anxious,
and the more anxious i became the less they seemed like questions and
more like i was telling myself i KNEW it would be that way.

In all it turned out to be the best move i could have made!

I had asserted myself
freed myself from all that unnecessary planning and anxiety.

you can choose how you will think/feel about it and knowing that
you are doing it the right way for the right reason should be everything
you need :smile:

Self-Belief.

Whatever anxiety we suffer from, we all doubt ourselves because of a lack of confidence or because of event(s) that have shattered our confidence which also create a sense of insecurity. When you add into the mix sensitivity, events around us often affect us more. If we lack confidence we'll question ourselves asking "what if's" etc. All these questions and analysing will cause tension and worry creating anxiety (impatient and anger causing more tension, agitation, frustration etc!) and its panic symptoms making us feel we can't move. However, as you proved, it is often better to walk the bridge than sit at the beginning constantly questioning if the bridge will give way because then anxiety will sit with you as your constant companion.

A confident person won't even think about crossing a bridge. They'll just walk across as if it doesn't exist. In other words, they don't even think about fear because they believe in themselves knowing they'll be ok.

Think of the football penalty taker. If he stands there worrying about missing because in recent matches he's missed every penalty he's taken, he'll have a greater chance of keeping on missing because he'll be focusing on how he's feeling because he'll be feeling so anxious. However, when he practises until he gets it right, he then steps up thinking about how he's going to score rather than focus on "what if" he misses. His practise gives him self-belief making him feel he'll always score so he never thinks about missing because of his renewed self-confidence.

It just takes knowledge and practise to build self-belief to renew our self-confidence so we feel we can do whatever we put our minds to without doubt and fear.

Why can't we do it for ourselves? Because we lack self-confidence but we can learn for ourselves, or with the help of therapy.:)

[ewood79]

A brilliant thread.... This simple answer is because we don't!

We get trapped in that washing machine of anxiety and all that comes with it!

[Tish]

So true Bill, well said x

[Connor_cbt]

Nice post bill it's true that my confidence has deteriorated over time, but i think that confidence is a symptom and not the cause. It is impossible to be confident about everything. When I was 'in recovery' from my first bout of anxiety I worked, socialised, dated, went to massive rock gigs all over london, and further afield and i even sang/played guitar in a pub band. I developed a lot of confidence but anxiety never really left me. People that dont suffer from anxiety have times when they dont feel confident and are still able to function, they have a different relationship to it.

I'm starting to believe that for people in my situation, the treatment needs to be much longer term. Speaking personally CBT was really effective but for a real long-term solution its difficult to maintain it without some sort of supervision/support, the half a dozen sessions i had worked tremendously well, but would have been even better if they were followed up by monthly or even quarterly appointments to ensure that i stayed on track and was supported through any difficulties that i experienced ideally for up to a year at least.

[theharvestmouse]

I'm doing everything that I've been told to do in spite of my anxiety, the anxiety doesn't leave me always but I just carry on and hope that by repeatedly doing things that eventually it will get easier.

The confidence thing is very connected with anxiety, anxiety knocks my confidence and when you feel less confident it can make you anxious. But I am able to bounce back from the bad days, and I suppose that's a start.

[sam66]

Self belief is the hardest thing for anyone to conquer let alone anyone with anxiety.
I dont push myself to hard right now as I dont have a support network or medication, my doctor after 7 months off work and because I drink a couple of drinks a night to settle me, even tho I have worked for the last 9 years has decided to send me to an substance abuse centre...lol
the more people I meet, the more I love my dog, thats just... ok whatever!

[macc noodle]

I'm starting to believe that for people in my situation, the treatment needs to be much longer term. Speaking personally CBT was really effective but for a real long-term solution its difficult to maintain it without some sort of supervision/support, the half a dozen sessions i had worked tremendously well, but would have been even better if they were followed up by monthly or even quarterly appointments to ensure that i stayed on track and was supported through any difficulties that i experienced ideally for up to a year at least.

Conor

In a nutshell - you have completely encapsulated my thoughts and feelings on the CBT therapy I have received.

I had 7 months of weekly/fortnightly (depending on how I was) therapy and was going great guns and then BANG I was being told that the next appt was a "signing off" appointment - the panic and disappointment at being cut loose was palpable. The gnawing self doubt that I would not be able to cope without the support from my therapist was there eating away at me instantly.

A couple of hiccups in my life and a major descent down the mountain I had worked so hard to climb and there I was sitting half way down the mountain with two choices - head towards the abyss or strap on my crampons and get climbing back up the mountain!!!

Had one appt with therapist - put me on the right track temporarily but yes I do fervently believe that regular support for a 12 month period after a course of CBT has been completed would be of great use to us all !!!

It kind of feels like having had my legs in plaster for 2 years and being expected to get up and run around without any physio!!!

Great Thread Conor !!:yesyes:

[Bill]

Hi Connor,
I heard that often actors/actresses appear confident on screen but in their personal lives they are often feel anything but, just like the football penalty taker who can rebuild his confidence to score more penalties but is still anxious in other aspects of his life.

You only need to have your confidence knocked in one aspect to cause anxiety such as with people with phobias. They can feel totally confident in everything they do in their lives but lack confidence when it comes to their phobia which is why a lack of confidence is just one reason. It can be general but it can also be specific but we do need confidence to overcome whatever it is we're afraid of.

I feel with anxiety it's impossible to generalise to say this or that is the only reason why someone's anxiety surfaces. Some people will have a general lack of confidence but others will have a lack of confidence in just one or more aspects due to events that have triggered it.

Another reason why anxiety surfaces is Responsibilty. I was thinking about this last night after I had posted because of something you said. You mentioned about your family, the job you hated and the need to move on. I feel I've only got a very small insight into what you've been through so the following may not apply but sometimes what happens is we can be in a job we hate which causes us alot of stress. We want to get out but we also have the responsibilty of a family to worry about which adds more stress. Sometimes when we feel under too much stress, the stress can cause panics which make us fear going out.

A psychologist once told me "The more we have, the more we fear losing" which is why a tennis player will find it harder to win match point than winning points when they're 5 - 0 down. Pressure of any form can cause panic.

Sometimes we end up resigning from our stressful job and feel happier in a new job which eases the fears regarding whether we're doing the right thing for ourselves and our family, and yet panics still surface at times for no apparent reason.

We enjoy our activities and feel confident when out with the public, and yet those panics still attack us which make us feel angry because they won't leave us alone.

Sometimes what happens with panics is once we have an attack, they leave a fear of them which in effect has knocked our confidence in dealing with them. Sometimes panics will surface when we have a new worry, new stresses at work or at home or even when we're just sitting thinking we're safe. The first two are caused by outside stresses but even boredom can cause a panic because our minds will look for something to worry about so we'll become aware of a sensation, a feeling or even just a worry about a panic returning because we are still afraid of them. We can feel totally confident in those things that we enjoy and feel comfortable with but can still lack confidence in confronting a fear, simply because it does still scare us.

As you say, it's impossible to feel confident in everything because we're only human and some people will have more general confidence in themselves than others but building confidence to overcome a particular fear can help. It is only one key point though.

You'll probably also find that there are people who are general worriers who worry about everything but others who will only suffer anxiety when a particular stress arises which is why I think anxiety is so complex and why treatments have to be tailored to a persons needs.

I'm not saying the above is true in your case because I don't know enough about you. It's just meant as an example of how anxiety can affect people in general. There's more than one reason why anxiety surfaces and why we can't deal with it ourselves. I bet though that if you analyse your thoughts at the time, you'll find the thought/fear that has made the anxiety surface. It's not always obvious but it will be there. For instance, if a lion was in front of you, would you think a thought telling yourself that you're afraid of being eaten or would you just feel panic without being aware of thinking anything? What happens is the lion represents something to fear so we immediately feel panic just as a simple sensation or background worry/stress can cause panic without us even being aware of what that thought is. Dealing with those symptoms is another long story as you've found! :)

[Daisychain]

Thats so true just feeling cosy and telling urself I just dont want to go out but really the dread of what goin to a new environment or place could bring and make me feel hmmm,I blur over that and the fact that ppl arent inviting me places anymore coz they know ill have an excuse or cancel:)