Diszle
06-03-12, 22:05
I've put off doing something like this for a long, long time. My therapist said it may help to record my feelings and since I'm a egotist I decided to put it out in the public domain for people to comment and criticise. This may be the wrong place for it but I hope no one minds. I won't go into any history I will just start from today and when ever the mood takes me I will start writting on this thread. Please feel free to join in, or abuse me or say nice things. Anything is better than nothing.
I was just looking down the forums and found it quit poignant that th most widely viewed therad on an anxiety sufferers forum is the one on health matters since paranoia seems to go with the teritory. Just a thought.
I have struggled like crap the last few weeks. I have ended up needing time off work, and back on propranolol which has actually been a god send and enabled me to go back. The tablets make everything better right? I have spoken to several people on that subject in the last 48 hours.
If I had a swelling of the gentlemans area or my foot had gone green I would go to get antibiotics / treatment etc. However with a mental health issue people seem more than reluctant to seek help. It seems we view these issues as a personal failing, not a disease of nature and circumstance. Which strikes me as quite odd. I have endeavored to be honest with my work place, I know that they have all assumed that it is work related (as that is the only context they see me in so they would have trouble removing that from the equation) which it isnt by the way.... I dont think it is anyway but I guess you never can tell... And so it begins.
I dont want my affliciton to rule my life any more it has cost me amazing oportunities, jobs and lovers as well as a whole host of other things that currently escape my notice. The ralley cries goes "NO MORE" but my brain says "well lets just see how we do, one stap at a time moron".
I am in therapy but have always struggled to swallow all of the hippy happy clappy crap that goes along with it. the phrase that sums this up for me is this:
If you shoot for the moon and miss you'll end up among the stars.
This was clearly written by a nursery school child. If you shoot for the moon and miss then you will end up approximately 93000000 miles (on average) from the nearest star and unless you took relevant safety precautions regarding dress and reverse transpotation, and spent the neccissary billions of pounds to fund such a project then you will die a hideous, agonising death. Shooting for the moon is the most dangerous and costly thing man has ever done. What a stoopid comparison.
Perhaps more fitting would be:
If you go down stairs and forget why you went, well then, your an idiot, but you could just go back up stairs and see if you can remeber.
Not ony does this move the task down to a more manageable level but also places a less messy result on the failiure of such an expedition.
In conclusion this week has been trousers. Motivation speakers are idiots with a soap box and my pills are great... Discounting the fact I'm alowed no beer.
Thank you and good night!
Diszle.
---------- Post added at 22:05 ---------- Previous post was at 22:05 ----------
apologies for any spelling mistakes. I forgot to spell check it.
I was just looking down the forums and found it quit poignant that th most widely viewed therad on an anxiety sufferers forum is the one on health matters since paranoia seems to go with the teritory. Just a thought.
I have struggled like crap the last few weeks. I have ended up needing time off work, and back on propranolol which has actually been a god send and enabled me to go back. The tablets make everything better right? I have spoken to several people on that subject in the last 48 hours.
If I had a swelling of the gentlemans area or my foot had gone green I would go to get antibiotics / treatment etc. However with a mental health issue people seem more than reluctant to seek help. It seems we view these issues as a personal failing, not a disease of nature and circumstance. Which strikes me as quite odd. I have endeavored to be honest with my work place, I know that they have all assumed that it is work related (as that is the only context they see me in so they would have trouble removing that from the equation) which it isnt by the way.... I dont think it is anyway but I guess you never can tell... And so it begins.
I dont want my affliciton to rule my life any more it has cost me amazing oportunities, jobs and lovers as well as a whole host of other things that currently escape my notice. The ralley cries goes "NO MORE" but my brain says "well lets just see how we do, one stap at a time moron".
I am in therapy but have always struggled to swallow all of the hippy happy clappy crap that goes along with it. the phrase that sums this up for me is this:
If you shoot for the moon and miss you'll end up among the stars.
This was clearly written by a nursery school child. If you shoot for the moon and miss then you will end up approximately 93000000 miles (on average) from the nearest star and unless you took relevant safety precautions regarding dress and reverse transpotation, and spent the neccissary billions of pounds to fund such a project then you will die a hideous, agonising death. Shooting for the moon is the most dangerous and costly thing man has ever done. What a stoopid comparison.
Perhaps more fitting would be:
If you go down stairs and forget why you went, well then, your an idiot, but you could just go back up stairs and see if you can remeber.
Not ony does this move the task down to a more manageable level but also places a less messy result on the failiure of such an expedition.
In conclusion this week has been trousers. Motivation speakers are idiots with a soap box and my pills are great... Discounting the fact I'm alowed no beer.
Thank you and good night!
Diszle.
---------- Post added at 22:05 ---------- Previous post was at 22:05 ----------
apologies for any spelling mistakes. I forgot to spell check it.