Peter Charles
07-03-12, 00:22
Chapter Nineteen is on its way, but first some thoughts. Forgive my lax prose but it's been a 14 hour day. Anyway, enjoy ( that's a hopeful request, not a demand!)
“I don’t really know what I can do to help?” Trying to explain to someone what anxiety and a panic attack feels like when they do not suffer from it themselves is like trying to explain how the sun, the earth and the moon came into existence. (At this point all smart-arses are to keep their answers to how the universe came into existence to themselves).
Who is more fortunate in this situation? Over the past few years I have spent a lot of time considering whether or not I would prefer to have never had a panic attack or not. Everyone here detests having a panic attack, why would anyone in their right mind want to have them? Well, I’ve began to think about it on a different level. I’ve began to think about how our minds are different from others in so much as that we have the capability to have panic attacks, and anxiety to such an extraordinary level. Is it a curse or a blessing in disguise that we have access to a part of our brains that others don’t? We are able to think in ways that others can’t. Who else can be terrified of trying to stand up? No, I didn’t forget to finish that sentence, that is one of the ridiculous situations I find myself in when in a panic attack sometimes. Our ability to panic, is our strength. I’m not going to pretend that I have solved this riddle and that I don’t suffer from panic every single day because I do, but I believe that people that are extremely anxious and suffer from panic attacks are the strongest people. We may feel that we are the exact opposite, we aren’t able to get out of bed, make a cup of tea or hold a conversation and view all of this as a weakness in comparison to a ‘normal’ person. But think about this – if your mind can convince you of such absurd thoughts and beliefs in such a convincing manner then surely that tells you how powerful it is? However many times you have a panic attack you are back at stage one if it’s bad enough, you believe beyond any doubt that what is happening to you is real even though you know in the back of your mind that it is not. What this overly long paragraph is trying to say is that we don’t have the mind of the average human – we’ve gotten to the bonus level of Tomb Raider, there’s no going back for Lara Croft now (for the purposes of this stupid explanation we are all Lara Croft for the next few minutes) once we have access to this information, this ability to panic, there is no going back because it can never be erased. I don’t believe for one minute that I will ever forget ‘how’ to panic. I believe that we all can think in a certain way and that owing to everyone’s own individual circumstances it has manifested itself in the form of anxiety and panic. This may be of absolutely no interest to anyone else but I’m going to tell you anyway. If you don’t want to know then it’s too late, you’ve read too much of this drivel to click ‘back’ now. For me, I believe that I panic because of things that have happened in my life, no one panics for no reason. I also understand that the circumstances under which I got here cannot be altered, there’s no turning back the past. What I can do is make my own choices from now on. I will live my life based on certain pillars. For now, these pillars consist of honesty, openness, hard work and integrity. If I live my life by these tenets then surely I have nothing to worry about………………?
“I don’t really know what I can do to help?” Trying to explain to someone what anxiety and a panic attack feels like when they do not suffer from it themselves is like trying to explain how the sun, the earth and the moon came into existence. (At this point all smart-arses are to keep their answers to how the universe came into existence to themselves).
Who is more fortunate in this situation? Over the past few years I have spent a lot of time considering whether or not I would prefer to have never had a panic attack or not. Everyone here detests having a panic attack, why would anyone in their right mind want to have them? Well, I’ve began to think about it on a different level. I’ve began to think about how our minds are different from others in so much as that we have the capability to have panic attacks, and anxiety to such an extraordinary level. Is it a curse or a blessing in disguise that we have access to a part of our brains that others don’t? We are able to think in ways that others can’t. Who else can be terrified of trying to stand up? No, I didn’t forget to finish that sentence, that is one of the ridiculous situations I find myself in when in a panic attack sometimes. Our ability to panic, is our strength. I’m not going to pretend that I have solved this riddle and that I don’t suffer from panic every single day because I do, but I believe that people that are extremely anxious and suffer from panic attacks are the strongest people. We may feel that we are the exact opposite, we aren’t able to get out of bed, make a cup of tea or hold a conversation and view all of this as a weakness in comparison to a ‘normal’ person. But think about this – if your mind can convince you of such absurd thoughts and beliefs in such a convincing manner then surely that tells you how powerful it is? However many times you have a panic attack you are back at stage one if it’s bad enough, you believe beyond any doubt that what is happening to you is real even though you know in the back of your mind that it is not. What this overly long paragraph is trying to say is that we don’t have the mind of the average human – we’ve gotten to the bonus level of Tomb Raider, there’s no going back for Lara Croft now (for the purposes of this stupid explanation we are all Lara Croft for the next few minutes) once we have access to this information, this ability to panic, there is no going back because it can never be erased. I don’t believe for one minute that I will ever forget ‘how’ to panic. I believe that we all can think in a certain way and that owing to everyone’s own individual circumstances it has manifested itself in the form of anxiety and panic. This may be of absolutely no interest to anyone else but I’m going to tell you anyway. If you don’t want to know then it’s too late, you’ve read too much of this drivel to click ‘back’ now. For me, I believe that I panic because of things that have happened in my life, no one panics for no reason. I also understand that the circumstances under which I got here cannot be altered, there’s no turning back the past. What I can do is make my own choices from now on. I will live my life based on certain pillars. For now, these pillars consist of honesty, openness, hard work and integrity. If I live my life by these tenets then surely I have nothing to worry about………………?