Friends.

[MidnightCalm]

I have very few friends. In fact I have 1 friend really now, since I got anxiety nobody really wanted to be around me, it's understandable I guess because it's must be boring for people to sit in my house with me because I can't really go anywhere, and they always have to do the travelling but they know my condition stops me.
I have 1 friend who I have had for years who says they are there for me but more often than not she arranges to come and see me and if something better comes up she will lie to me and make an excuse or just drop seeing me and I look forward to seeing her and get myself ready to be in somebodies company (which takes a lot, I get anxious about being with people) and then I just get let down.
I had a massive go at her tonight because she planned to come and see me tonight, we had it arranged and we were talking about what we were going to do and how we would look at housing on the internet and try and sort me onto a housing list and watch our favourite show to watch together and try to understand this benefits form together and then it got to a certain time and said she couldn't come because SHE was feeling panicky and anxious and she just didn't know what was wrong with her, like she felt scared to leave the house but she would come tomorrow morning definitely so I obviously told her it was fine, I understood because I of all people know anxiety!
Next thing I see is that around that time she had been asked to go to the pub so I bring this up and she told me she had said no to them, that she couldn't go.
Now I find out she had gone, so we had an argument and basically what this is all about is do I keep people in my life who obviously aren't there for me just for the sake of not being alone or do I just not have them there and stick up for myself but be alone and probably go crazy =(
Sorry if this makes no sense. Sorry to rant on too.
She does this a lot by the way, makes plans and lets me down, the odd occasion she will keep to them. I told her she should just tell me she doesn't want to see me and I got
"AM I NOT ALLOWED TO SEE OTHER FRIENDS" trying to make me sound possessive or "WELL DON'T BE MY FRIEND THEN AND THEN YOU WILL HAVE NOBODY". "WELL I WON'T COME AROUND TOMORROW AND YOU CAN SIT IN BY YOURSELF".

[rock chick]

Yanno, I somewhat know what this is like, not totally because I only ever had issues leaving where I lived entirely for a little while years ago but when I was a teenager I was considered somewhat of an outcast, the friends I had where not what I'd consider true friends. As in sure they might be willing to hang around with me but they didn't totally respect me and I was low on the list of people they would spend time with given a choice. Still I felt it's better than having no friends. Then I decided screw it, I was feeling like crap and unwanted, now if I ditched them that wouldn't totally change but at least I'd feel I wasn't being used and pitied. Eventually throughout my life I made what I'd call real friends and I decided my own limits for what I'd put up with and how I should be treated and if that left me alone so be it. Currently I see no friends in person (not because they all sucked, various reasons) and there's loneliness but social phobia makes making new ones hard.

Now, I'm not telling you to ditch her, but really look at how she is making you feel, she clearly seems to be hurting you, lying and trying to make you feel guilty. In the end you need to decide whether you'd rather put up with that for the sake of having 1 friend or not and have none (although I suspect you probably have online friends, they are as real as friends you see in RL but the physical part is lacking, I know this all too well) and I hope you decide what is right for you.
:bighug1:

[ewood79]

Hi guys i think when we are the anxious type we worry not only about our anxieties but everything else that comes into play.... just talk to her and let her know how you feel.... maybe see if you can join her one time at the pub...... not saying straight away but build yourself up a bit too it??

you will feel alot better for it.....

[Connor_cbt]

Could it be possible that, knowing how you feel about not being able to participate in social activities with your friends, she was perhaps trying to protect your feelings from being hurt with some 'white lies' I'm not saying she was doing the right thing but perhaps her motives weren't bad at all.
I had a similar situation and as my not so close friends drifted away from me, my close friends felt as though they were being torn. They wanted to keep me company, have fun and stuff but they also wanted to do the everyday normal things teenagers/young adults do.

Maybe if you set her mind at ease by saying that you know she cant spend ALL her time with you and that she needs to go out and do other stuff and that she doesn't need to feel bad about it, that being said you do look forward to hanging out with her and its not nice to feel let down by such a close friend. So she should only make arrangements with you if she means to come see you and shouldn't flake out and try to cover it up you'd rather be honest and a little let down than lied to and find out from someone else.
Also not having friends so easily accessible at home might spur you on to venture out with her some more, remember to start small and build up!

If you're friend has stuck by you up until now, i think that says that you mean a lot to her and she obviously means a lot to you, i think if you can communicate, you could really strengthen your friendship :)

[ShazyA]

I agree she should not have lied to you about going to the pub and it was probably to spare your feelings or judging by your reaction maybe to avoid the the current conflict between the two of you. If you didnt have problems about going out she probably would have invited you along and there would never have been an issue, but without sounding harsh she has to live her life and cant always be there for you. you need to widen you circle of friends so you are not so reliant on the one friend. And yes you need to communicate rather than argue, expalin how you felt at being misled but also give her the opportunity to explain herself too.