BAD - can't stop doing things!

[Munki]

Hi guys,

I need calming down!

I'm getting married in May and suddenly I'm having these panic attacks. I'm sure it's purely that I'm taking a lot on ie doing a degree, learning Spanish, PLANNING the wedding, writing a kids book(!!!), working etc but I'm convincing myself that on the day I'll collapse or something.

I know this is very normal anxiety but I've never panicked quite so much about something, especially when it comes to how I 'might' act. It's really worrying me.

Another thing, do any of you have the sort of anxiety that you can't keep still in terms of taking on new projects? I keep feeling that I'm not stretching myself enough and as a result have committed to all of the above. You'll probably agree that it's a lot? I think as a trained actress I feel that I've never lived an average life so I struggle with normality. As a result, I take on new challenges almost weekly to 'enhance' my life.

Still, I don't feel like I'm achieving enough! I want to be a huge success with my degree as well as achieving other things at the same time but it's stressing me to the point that I'm getting these panic attacks.

Dare I say, I think it's an element of wanting people to think I'm an absolute achiever?

Does anyone else have this??

:weep:

[blueangel]

Hi there

I don't visit NMP very much at the moment, but I just noticed your post at the top of the list. I would describe myself as "driven", so I can understand where you're coming from, as when I'm not being very sensible I resent the time I spend sleeping as I can't be doing things.

However, with my sensible head on, I have to accept that the more I do, the less likely I am to do it well. There is such a thing as spreading yourself too thinly, and when you are doing too much, it doesn't enhance your life at all as you end up stressed and burnt out.

My best suggestion is that you sit down and set yourself some realistic aims for the next few months - it might need your fiance/a family member/close friend to help you set these, as they can put the "reality brake" on for you. It seems to me that the main deadlines you have to meet are getting your degree and getting married(!) - the others can have deadlines arranged to suit as you've probably got a bit more flexibility in when you can achieve these.

Don't forget, things like getting married are supposed to be enjoyable - so enjoy!!! :)

[littleredhen]

in short yes.

I was previously diagnosed bi-polar because of it. When I am on one, I turn into a super human and can LITERALLY DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING! and I do! I become king of the world and am better than everyone and everything in it and no one knows better than me.

It's at odds with what a lot of people struggle with on this site as many peopel struggle to even get out the door.

The downside is that we put ourselves under a massive amount of stress and respnosibility and then we inevitably fail in some way or other (in a major or minor way) then depression kicks in and the down comes and then we have to retreat and can't do a think but sit and weep and come the realisiation that we are not kings, but the opposite and totally rubbish and everyone is better and we are doomed to live a life of misery and non-achievement.

sigh

anyway, twenty years on and I am now suffering anxiety. I still don't let the anxiety stop me from getting on generally, but it;s REALLY hard and just exhausting.

I also found that that my friends and family were 'laughing' at me. Well, not laughing exactly, but wearysome with my antics. It was a case of "oh god, what is she up to now? and are we going to have to pick up the pieces when this crashes down" It was never a case of "oh wow, Look what else she is achieving on top of everything else".

What have I learned? well, I have learned to make lists and force myself to focus on fewer things at a time.

Do you really need to learn Spanish right now? is there anything you can drop immediately that would free up a couple of hours a week that you can set aside for quiet time (meditation, sport, sleeping) I used to schedule time for a lie-down - and it works.

Just recnetly I entered a phase of taking on millions of things again - one of whcih was learning another language. Two weeks into the course and only sleeping 4 hours a night because of lack of time to get everything done, I dropped the language course because it's more important that I focus on my profession studies that I am being PAID to do!

I do sympathise - but you would really recommend that you make a list and focus on what your want to acheive THIS year.

You really are probably a wonderful person who has probably got lots of love and respect from those around you (you certainly have from the person you are marrying soon!) so you can probably be less hard on yourself and take it easier... Be kind to yourself.

[ShazyA]

Hi I can empathise totally, I am also driven and strive for even more, Im a mum of 5 and Im also studying for a degree (I did college a few years ago but that wasnt enough I now want the higher degree). I am constantly challenging myself as if I need to prove something to myself (havent got a clue what lol). And obviously the stress also adds to my anxiety. I wonder if its due the fact that anxiety crashes my confidence and the challenges are to make me feel better about myself and feel I have achieved something... If only I could use the same technique in conquering the anxiety I would be hunky doey.. lol

[Mountainclimber]

I would suggest stop being what people want you to be ,and start being yourself and enjoy life. Your putting alot of pressure on yourself, to please other people. Just be happy with yourself, Stay safe and be lucky

[mashedbanana]

With you too. Munki, you need to prioritise, and get a calm level-headed friend to help. I too try and take on the world, and when certain things are accomplished I have a breakdown. Released album - breakdown. Nurse family back to health - breakdown. Major house renovation - breakdown. Now I have depression and anxiety which both kick in like malaria does (unexpectedly but always possible) and now I am just focusing on staying alive and keeping going one day at a time, with realistic mid-term goals.

I don't want to scare you but I think with all the things you are doing something needs to be put on the back burner. I agree with the other posters but I'm just going to repeat what they said anyway :-)

Start with the dates - what comes first? Get that done well enough. The wedding just has to end with you and your fiance being married. No one will notice the details.

The degree - that's a commitment, get that done well enough otherwise you'll kick yourself for being distracted.

The Spanish and the book - any deadlines? Why don't you postpone them until the other stuff is done? You'll do them better when you give them time.

Working - I guess you have to but work to rule and do what you need to do.

Give yourself some rest breaks too. As for thinking how you might act - that's a self-fulfilling prophecy so just concentrate on enjoying the wedding day and not thinking about having a breakdown! You might be a trained actress but you don't always have to be acting. Just be yourself.
xx