muddled!!!

[bluesparkle]

hi...
as usual wasnt to sure where to post this... or what i want to say really!!!
i have been doing good... and i do realise that some issues i have/had are being dealt with but there are days when i still feel so low and all the old fears and panic come back...
my partner doesnt understand and isnt even really interested in me talking to him about it so i just want to carry on fighting to get back on the right track...he thinks when i am really stressed/wound up that i should be able to just snap out of it... i have tried explaining that it isnt quite as easy as that i do understand that it isnt easy for him to though not understanding what all this panic/anxiety/ocd is all about so all the more reason i want to get better. my job is great i love it and even on a bad day i still turn up and get on with it i cant really believe i have gone back to work and enjoying it so much.
but home life isnt great, i want to be happy and enjoy life, but it seems that there is something blocking me getting there and the more i try the further it gets away from me... i want to be 100% cured... i want lots of good days instead of waking up and being afraid to get up cos im in fear of what the day holds and that it might be a "bad" day i want to be a good mum and partner and enjoy other things that "normal" people do instead of fighting whats in my head most of the time. i sometimes look at other people and think why cant i be like that.
i have thought about counselling or some sort of professional help but not sure how to go about it have asked doctor but he wasnt any help.
i would never have got this far though with out this wonderful site and all the support i have had from everyone.
well i know this post is a bit muddled and waffling on a bit but i just felt i had to write something down.
rach x

[Daisybun]

Hi Rach, sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment. I would speak to your GP again. There is help available, and s/he should be able to refer you. If not try another doctor. Have you read any self-help stuff, that can be good too. i read Claire Weeks book and it helped, I also showed it to my hubby so that he could try and understand a bit of what i am going through. It is hard for people who have never had anxiety to understand, but hopefully if you can show your partner some info then he can at least gain some understanding and not expect you to pull yourself together, which as we all know is impossible with anxiety disorder. I hope you get the support you deserve soon, and glad that you finding some support here.

Take care
Daisybun

'This too will pass'

[Attsila]

I completely understand because I have had the "why can't I be like them syndrome". I spend a great deal of my day freaking out about death and dying. I think it starts because of depersonalization and my over analytical mind. I wake up in the morning shaky and anxious not necessarily knowing why. I fight the anxiety for a good part of the day and then at night ofthen times I feel like I am better and healed all to start the vicious cycle each day. I just don't want to think about the bad stuff because it isn't living if you do. I too want mine to go away so I can be care free again. Klonapin has been a big help the last 2 nights but I don't wanna get dependant on it. I hope you feel better and maybe I can soon too

worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere

[expecto patronum]

Maybe you could try cognitive behavioural therapy, it really helped me when I was depressed last year, and is meant to be really good for ocd. I've found there is no point going down the usual NHS route; you either have to go private, or try doing what my parents did for me (you need more than one person for this it seems); they went to our local mental health clinic and politely but determindedly DEMANDED that I be seen and offered some appointments with the CB Therapist, and it worked!

[Paddington]

dear Rach,soz you are having a bad time 'at the moment',i can only echo Nigels wise words[and how wise he is]i do as he suggests,a bad day is only that ,one day!I ,like you,find this site so suppourtive and it ha helped me turn my life around,There is no 'normal',there are other people with hidden problems of all sorts you dare to imagine!!I used to walk round shops gazing at the 'normal folk'wishing it was as easy 4 me as it appeared to be 4 them.I wonder how many were staring back at me thinking the same thing????The idea Nigel had for discussing how you feel with your other half is brilliant[thanks 4 that nigel!]hey let us know how you get on!thinkin of you,love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[emma chant]

HI RACH
If i was you i would try going for some counselling.
Cousellling does help trust me because, iv'e had some.xxxxxxxxxx

e chant

[bluesparkle]

thank you all so much for your replyies...
when i posted i wasnt sure what i was asking or even if my post made any sense.
i do keep trying to talk to my partner about it and i wont give up yet!
i am going back to the doctors on friday and i have also inquired about the telephone recovery group that no panic runs... i will try anything now to just make a few more steps toward recovery.
i will let you know how it goes but thank you again for replying...
take care
rach
x

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Rach, I'm exactly the same as you only I don't have a partner. I have 3 kids from 17-5 and work full-time. I go in work come rain or shine, even manage to stay there when things get really tough and panic attacks start. The only advice I can give you hun is to just give it time. I have been on prozac for about 3 months now, don't know whether its had any impact, but I feel happier now that I have in 10 years. Don't get me wrong, the anxiety and panic is still there, but that's because I worry about the heart symptoms. I think if I didn't worry about those I would be 100% "normal". I've had counselling, it didn't help a great deal with anxiety and panic but it was good to talk to someone. The first few sessions were a waste of time or so I thought, but after my last session, I came out feeling like a great big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I've changed my priorities. I was out every night leaving the kids with my eldest daughter, drinking far too much, but now never go out. If I do I take the kids with me to the pub for an hour on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. I've met my neighbours and we take it in turns making meals for each other on weekends, swapping houses, with all the kids with us. Just a change of scenery makes all the difference. Just give it time hun, and I'm sure thinks will buck up for you.

Les, xx

[Piglet]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">

I used to suffer with asthma when I was a child, though thankfully I've almost gown out of it now. But things like dust and smoke can still make me a little wheezy, and winter colds can often go to my chest more than most people. It’s one of life’s little inconveniences I’ve been blessed with.

But if something does happen to set it off a bit, I don’t go thinking; “Damn and blast it!! I thought I was cured. Now it’s back and I’ve gotta start all over again.” And I don’t live in fear of it ever occurring. It’s just something I know will happen from time to time.

Anxiety is the same. it’s just something you’re a little susceptible to, and it will happen from time to time. But there’s nothing wrong with that. I think that pressure of hoping that you’re permanently cured can keep you feeling permanently anxious.


<div align="right">Originally posted by Nigel - 26 June 2006 : 17:20:05</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Ooh I liked all that, I could totally get my teeth into it - specially the bit about hoping you're permantly cured keeping you anxious - really that is soooo true.

Rach you are doing so very well with the job and I am really glad that it worked out so well. I think just as Nigel was getting at - just let yourself be and let the loose ends look after themselves. I suppose its back to acceptance a la Claire Weekes!!!

Love Piglet xx