No Angel
09-03-12, 22:17
Hi everyone,
I am not quite sure where to start. Had my first real panic attack nearly 2 weeks ago, however as I am slowly realizing after looking at this site and speaking to the lovely people on the help line this was always going to happen. I have always been so nervous and anxious around people, despite most people thinking am friendly and natural. I have always worried what people think of me and that I wasn't as important or special. The positive thing and the thing I am trying to focus on to avoid the pain and panic, is I met someone 4 months ago who woke me up out of a horrible negative relationship. Our friendship grew into a relationship but on Sunday (not the last one but the week before) after a few tricky weeks they ended it after saying it wasn't right and it didn't feel right to them. They have suffered from anxiety and always told me I did too, I didn't believe them or knew what they meant but that Sunday I snapped. I started crying (my normal method of coping) and I couldn't stop. I normally tire myself out but I didn't, it went on and on and on, then I couldn't catch my breath and last I knew I was running to the toilet being sick without actually throwing up. Thankfully my now ex is my downstairs neighbour and came back after leaving to support me through it. They did their best and explained what was happening as they knew full well what I was doing and going through, and eventually got me back to bed. I struggled on through the 1st week, having attacks on a daily basis and struggling without their support. Then after they gave me tough love on Friday they suggested this site (they mentioned it the Sunday when I first panicked but I forgot). So I called the helpline that night, and everything seemed to stop. Saturday was nearly good with the breathing techniques, Sunday tricky but ok, then Monday the nausea in the morning returned. Tuesday it got worse, Wednesday it continued and I finally cracked again and found myself weeping in the shower. Thursday this went on and again, I came home and once inside broke down into tears. Yet today (Friday) I snapped again, straight into a panic attack again! I don't want to be like this and I want to move on, cope with work without it setting me off, be able to be friends with the ex and not think am so worthless. However, I am lost!
I have been to the doctor and they give me beta blockers, but they were too strong and made me sleepy. The second doctor I saw then told me to half the dose, which helped however I found that I was using them as an excuse to lose control and panic cause I thought they would prevent it worsening. So after practicing the breathing Saturday, I stopped taking them last Sunday. I managed through the week without them, proud I could cope but always having them close just in case I needed them. I have got a CBT assessment telephone appointment on Tuesday, so I can hopeful alter my thinking to be more positive. Yet am struggling to let go of the past and this broken relationship, it was my support and they turned my life upside down in a positive way. Now all the positive elements I am continuing are due to them, which makes me think of them adding to the anxiety. While my work is just adding on the pressure, I am fed up, frustrated and have no outlet for all this.
Sorry to write any essay, thought I could keep it short and sweet, but I am wound up like a spring unable to relax (never managed really or been encouraged by my family). Want help, need advice and really desperate for some friendly support as I have no real friends.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
A.
I am not quite sure where to start. Had my first real panic attack nearly 2 weeks ago, however as I am slowly realizing after looking at this site and speaking to the lovely people on the help line this was always going to happen. I have always been so nervous and anxious around people, despite most people thinking am friendly and natural. I have always worried what people think of me and that I wasn't as important or special. The positive thing and the thing I am trying to focus on to avoid the pain and panic, is I met someone 4 months ago who woke me up out of a horrible negative relationship. Our friendship grew into a relationship but on Sunday (not the last one but the week before) after a few tricky weeks they ended it after saying it wasn't right and it didn't feel right to them. They have suffered from anxiety and always told me I did too, I didn't believe them or knew what they meant but that Sunday I snapped. I started crying (my normal method of coping) and I couldn't stop. I normally tire myself out but I didn't, it went on and on and on, then I couldn't catch my breath and last I knew I was running to the toilet being sick without actually throwing up. Thankfully my now ex is my downstairs neighbour and came back after leaving to support me through it. They did their best and explained what was happening as they knew full well what I was doing and going through, and eventually got me back to bed. I struggled on through the 1st week, having attacks on a daily basis and struggling without their support. Then after they gave me tough love on Friday they suggested this site (they mentioned it the Sunday when I first panicked but I forgot). So I called the helpline that night, and everything seemed to stop. Saturday was nearly good with the breathing techniques, Sunday tricky but ok, then Monday the nausea in the morning returned. Tuesday it got worse, Wednesday it continued and I finally cracked again and found myself weeping in the shower. Thursday this went on and again, I came home and once inside broke down into tears. Yet today (Friday) I snapped again, straight into a panic attack again! I don't want to be like this and I want to move on, cope with work without it setting me off, be able to be friends with the ex and not think am so worthless. However, I am lost!
I have been to the doctor and they give me beta blockers, but they were too strong and made me sleepy. The second doctor I saw then told me to half the dose, which helped however I found that I was using them as an excuse to lose control and panic cause I thought they would prevent it worsening. So after practicing the breathing Saturday, I stopped taking them last Sunday. I managed through the week without them, proud I could cope but always having them close just in case I needed them. I have got a CBT assessment telephone appointment on Tuesday, so I can hopeful alter my thinking to be more positive. Yet am struggling to let go of the past and this broken relationship, it was my support and they turned my life upside down in a positive way. Now all the positive elements I am continuing are due to them, which makes me think of them adding to the anxiety. While my work is just adding on the pressure, I am fed up, frustrated and have no outlet for all this.
Sorry to write any essay, thought I could keep it short and sweet, but I am wound up like a spring unable to relax (never managed really or been encouraged by my family). Want help, need advice and really desperate for some friendly support as I have no real friends.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
A.