Feel like I'm slipping away again, back to square 1

[theharvestmouse]

Right now I feel like I've gone back to square 1, I'm so down, lonely and feel like I'm slipping away into depression again. Everything I have been doing the last couple of months feels like its not made any difference, I'm still fighting the anxiety.

I have joined art class, do yoga, and play sports yet I just feel that because of my anxiety it always ruins my chances of developing friendships & meeting women. I'm trapped inside my body, almost paralysed by the anxiety.

I'm having a really bad day, just feel like no matter what I do I will always feel this way and I feel like my life will never be how it should be.

I'm so fed up, its getting to the point where I'm being worn down and I'm starting to give up. Something I always said that I would never do.

I'm trying to do what my CBT therapist told me to do in the event of a relapse, but I can't even bring myself to write things down because the situation seems so pathetic and hopeless.

Sorry for this post, but right now I feel so unhappy, because in one sense I am making progress but in another it feels like nothing will ever change.

:unsure:

---------- Post added at 15:36 ---------- Previous post was at 15:29 ----------

People keep saying it will take time, and I have to be patient but I just can't think long term because I don't know how long I can live like this.

[Pipkin]

Hi mouse,

I really feel for you and I truly know what it's like to feel like this. You're not on your own - we're all here to help, just like you've helped others on here.

Even if things seem awful right now, don't give up. You know it will get better and that you won't always feel like this. You're doing all the right things but we all have relapses and cycles of ups and downs. Remember that what you're going through makes you a really strong person - you have coped (and will carry on coping) with more than the average person can even imagine and that's an amazing quality on its own.

Look after yourself and keep posting - I'll keep checking in, if it helps.

Pip x

[theharvestmouse]

Thanks Pip, helps to know that others know how it feels, and you are right, I have been here before and turned things around so I just have to ride out the storm.

:)

[Pipkin]

Read back some of your posts to other people - you've given some great advice and now's the time for others to support you.

You will get through this - no doubt about it.

Pip x

[daintydi]

Hi there,
I understand totally how you feel. My therapist told me recently, that recovery is like a snakes and ladders board. I may never get to 100, I may live my life somewhere from 70 upwards. But I will never go back to 1! So you may have just gone down a long snake, but keep going.........there is a huge ladder to climb soon. Take care x:hugs:

[bignik]

2 steps forward , 1 step backwards , its horrible I know I feel that way all the time Ive been fighting hard with my pyscologist who keeps telling me to stay in the present one day at a time but suffering from nightmares and flashbacks recently it has been very hard for me when the past comes back and haunts me like this.

On a good note when all started , its like a book , my head is rereading it and although I feel everything bad in my life has been revisited in the space of a month , flashbacks , feelings , sensations etc I feel as if the book is coming to the end , its maybe something my head has just had to go through again in order to bring me to the present. All going well and I return to the present , hopefully then I can start to pick up the pieces and march on to my future.

I hope this makes sense , what I do know is I cant give up I have to keep plodding on and hopefully the day will come I can look back and learn from my lifes sad experiences and come out a better and stronger person.

[snowgoose]

Hi Harvestmouse
I dont think anyone here reading your post will not empathise and understand the hell of a real bad day like you describe .
It is the pits .especially when you are trying so hard as you are doing to be sociable and get out and about .
It just seems to be one long exhausting fight :weep:

You are feeling tired and vulnerable today no wonder . But it is todays feelings ,not tomorrows . Dont look to far ahead Harvestmouse and scare yourself that you wont get the life you want . :hugs:
I believe totally that you will find contentment in the future .I Really do .
You sound a lovely person who gives as Pip says a lot of good advice to others .

Ride it out for today if you can .........and remember to be proud of the amazing progress you have made so far in getting out there .
I couldnt do it .

take care harvestmouse and just let it be for today .......you are doing just fine .
snow xxxx

[theharvestmouse]

Thanks for all the advice, I know that we are all in this together and each person on here has great courage to face this, and as bignik says it will make us better and stronger people. I'm just taking it an hour at a time Snowgoose, sometimes I forget to just be here and now.

[Pipkin]

How you doing mouse? I hope you're starting to felted a bit better.

Pip xx

[theharvestmouse]

Hi Pip,

I'm ok, managed to calm down a bit since yesterday, its just a blip, I just live in hope that things will change, thanks again.

[macc noodle]

Hi Pip,

I'm ok, managed to calm down a bit since yesterday, its just a blip, I just live in hope that things will change, thanks again.


:yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::y esyes::yesyes::yesyes:

Yay - well done Harvest Mouse - you need to chalk this one up as a MAJOR SUCCESS - you have survived your blip - that is brilliant.

And when the next one comes (which surely it will as it is a long slow process we are all going through) - you will be able to remember this one and know that it will pass (and probably quicker). The CBT model of replacing the bad memories with good ones really does work and the harder you work at it the easier it becomes and the fewer and fewer the blips :yahoo:

Now get back to that yoga class - well done hon.

:D

[Belleblue]

Yes everyone here will know exactly what you have been going through to a greater or lesser degree. I am having a hard time myself at the moment, with outside events almost conspiring to pull me right down... so I know it's not easy.

Anyway glad to see the dark cloud has passed and that you are feeling more positive now :) I believe we eventually reap the benefits if we are pro-active and help things to change... initially difficult and painful, but worth it in the end.

:hugs:
Belle x

[theharvestmouse]

Thanks guys, I don't know about the dark cloud passing just yet, I am better than I was yesterday but this has really hit me and I'm feeling a bit out of it.

I'm worried about the week ahead, I have to go to work tomorrow and its difficult when you just think its all pointless and I just feel so lonely and unhappy. Everyone else is happy that its sunny and spring is coming but to me I just feel numb and it could be the bleakest mid winter day for all I care.

I keep thinking I wonder how much more of this I can take, how many more setbacks, how much more of life feeling isolated and lonely. People would not believe it, those who I have known me in the past, people who see me and talk to me when I am on a good day. To look at me they would never believe what problems I have.

But at least people on here can relate to this.