Living with PTSD

[welsh_scared]

I was diagnosed with PTSD 3 years ago after a fire in my kitchen. I was given counselling and it brought to light that my problem was not the fire but that it was the fact that i was sexually abused from the age of 6 until the age of 13. what i had done was put it at the back of my mind and tried to deny it ever happen .
The two men that abused me were my dads best friends son and his mate. at the fear i wouldnt be believed. I didnt tell anyone plus they told me they would hurt my parents. So i told my parents 3 years ago at the advice of my couseller. I am 34 now and at the moment the panic and anxiety attacks are really getting me down i stopped the counselling as i was scared that i was not in control of my life anymore i dont take any medication as i am scared of being addicted to them.
i do not work as after the fire i lost my job i was a carer in the community i tried going to get another job and got the job but couldnt cope i feel so lost and out of control. i have a real loving husband who thank god is my rock. I have been advised to claim diability benefit but feel like such a fraud i really do not know what to do. Is there anyone out there who knows how i feel or has een through the same i guess i am looking for some guidance

forever lost
welsh_scared:(

A Bennett

[ruthb1]

hi welsh

i dont know what it feels like to be abused and you have had a really bad time of it.

but i do know that i have a sort of ptsd rmine is relating to hospitals though as my partner nearly died in front of me and has subsequently left me with health anxiety.

I used to work for the social security and you are no way a fraud, you have a genuine reason to claim benefit and if you dont try you will never know. you can apply online and i think it is www.directgov.co.uk.

you can only give it a go, if they turn you down then you have lost nothing if you need more advice about benefits Pm me as i worked for them for a number of years and i still work for the government


take care hun


ruth x x x

[welsh_scared]

Hi ruth

Thank you for your reply and i am going to put in a claim i have the form here and have filled it in.

Many Thanks
Welsh_scared
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">hi welsh

i dont know what it feels like to be abused and you have had a really bad time of it.

but i do know that i have a sort of ptsd rmine is relating to hospitals though as my partner nearly died in front of me and has subsequently left me with health anxiety.

I used to work for the social security and you are no way a fraud, you have a genuine reason to claim benefit and if you dont try you will never know. you can apply online and i think it is www.directgov.co.uk.

you can only give it a go, if they turn you down then you have lost nothing if you need more advice about benefits Pm me as i worked for them for a number of years and i still work for the government


take care hun


ruth x x x

<div align="right">Originally posted by ruthb1 - 27 June 2006 : 00:59:57</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

A Bennett

[hurtssomuch]

i agree with ruth, i to have been off abnd on diability for the past 32 years, i was molested by my mother and raped in a robbery at our family cafe, i also watched one of the men rape my mother at gun point, so i understyand your PTSD, most of mine comes from guilt, yoyu see i opened the door for the two men that raped my mother and me, andf molestation, well my mom was always bad to me, and she onl;y molested me twice, by force, but something in me knew it was the only way to get her attention, other then beatings, so when she was mad oir upset with me, i used to go to her at night, i was 12, and again the guilt and shame of what i have done eats at me every day of my life, i to was on meds, and i to stopped, somethings work for some and not others, i am one of the others, i do know over the years i have picked up many issues dealing with my childhood, sexual and otherwise, its like the beatings i used to get every year on my birthday, for some reasdon my mother hated that day more then most others, and i knew it by the pain inflicted on me, but after leaving home, i continued the beatings on my birthday, in the last 25 years i have missed maybe 8 birthdays, its strange what trama can do to use in the future, so i recomend you work on dealing with the feelings and issues you are feeling, keeping iot bottled up doesnt help at all, i write poetry for one thing, and i have found beibng totally honest and open about what i have beciome hoelps as well, but thats me, for every 100 people i meet, maybe one excepts me for who and what i am, so keep writing here, posting helps me, go into the chatroom, i think you will find there are allot more people around that feel like you do then you think, and for eachother we do seem to gather a buit of strength,

the tears i cry will forever be in vein

[Meggy]

I was very obviously disabled but in some way was determined to get back to work. Work for me was more than a paycheck. It was socialization, accomplishing something which I think we all need, even just getting pot luck recipes. That's been the biggest hurdle I've had in my inability to work. I did volunteer though and highly sugest it. Lots of times there is a volunteer clearing house in communites. If not, depending upon your interests check at the library (altho shelving books is boring beyond belief, which is what I did), do you have ASPCA pr animal shelters in the UK? I had to do my fair share of cleaning cages but I also took these poor doggies on walks, got them out of their pens, sewed them all hankies to put on their necks to make them cuter for adoption, loved and played with the kitties. I took a course too on teaching reading and writing to the illiterate, which here is done through the library. BUT I have epilepsy, fell at a food pantry and knocked out some teeth on their counter and from that period? I'm not allowed to officially volunteer anywhere - I'm a "liability". But I've found things I can do on my own. That works better. If I'm having one of my extreme panic/hypervigilant days I can always cancel and reschedule because it's my scheduel not someone else's.

Anyway I could have qualified for Disability for 3 years and I still wonder what was going through my mind, why I didn't. We were nearly starving. Pawning the antiques we'd spenty years collecting,. to live on, eating one meal a day. It was nuts! I had a terrific case worker assigned to me. In the US if you ask, explain why, the case worker will come to your house and help you fill out the form. I am not allowed to drive, that's what they did for me. The relief and difference in our lives once I got Disability makes me feel guilty now I waited for so long. It is not welfare. It comes from taxes you've already paid.

You said something I've never had the nerve to say. I was fondled from my late teens, all my life by my father. Somehow until my husband saw it and made a big deal about it, I never thought about it. I know now I avoided him like the plaque, never thought about that either. I'd circle way around a room to avoid him. But something you said that has always embarassed me? I was fondled by a girl, my sister too as a young child. I was very young and she'd "tickle"me.She did it right in front of other adults too - whjcb now makes me angry. I'm totally heterosexual, but that experience I remember with more horror than my father's fondling, Maybe it was because of the same sex thing. I don't know. I'll just state it happened and years and years later, I still feel dirty about it. We don't get along at all and never have. She's older than me.I wonder if she too remembers that, and that has something to do with how hateful she treats me. I asked her one time if she remembered doing that to me. Iwwas under 5 I think. She had a real peculiar reaction. Part anger, part verbal fumbling,part something I still can't detect - then she blew up at me, told me I had a dirty "oversexed" mind.

Tis hard I know. Strange I have always blocked all that out until I'm forced to face it in therapy. Sometimes I'd remember it but I always had the opinion, it was no big deal and I really thought that, until my therapist made me really talk aboutm it,and I fell apart.
Meggy

[j.]

hi i was diagnosed with ptsd.5 years ago from childhood sexual abuse by afoster parents.id kept it secret for many years my foster father whom i trusted was training me up to be a child prostitute at 7 years old.licky i got out but everything else happened everynight.i now have flash [^]i have had councilling all my life it does help and i believe you will move on and discover a a stronger you.take care of youre self if you need friends were here to help.bye j.

hi im looking for people to chat to as right now i feel very alone