vinnievince
12-03-12, 22:18
Hi Everyone,
I'm new here and want to introduce myself.
I live in the Canada, i'm a french canadian from Quebec city...lol
I have anxiety since i'm a child, but start having panic attacks without agoraphobia at 19 yo, probably had social anxiety since i'm a child and because I had morbid obesity...so not a lot of friends as a child and as an adult also, always had difficulty to make friends and be around a lot of peoples.
When the panic disorder start, I got the help of a Psychologist that I saw every weeks for 2 years and my family Doc put me on the Paxil who help me a lot to recover from the panic over those 2 years period but also add 200 pounds of weight on me... that's another story...
I was almost cured of my panic and anxiety disorder from 21 yo until 30 yo. Was very active between those 9 years, working full time, going to school, had a gastric by-pass surgery to loose weight (450 pounds before the surgery and 180-190 after).
In 2005 (29 yo) I start having again some mild anxiety, 2 panic attacks out of the blue and go to see my family Doc and ask him for a med and he choose to put me on a low dose of a benzo med call Clonazepam, benzo meds was new for me and I wasn't aware of the addiction problem (had alcohol and drugs addiction when I was a teenager)... so he put me on 2 mg of Clonazepam each day who work like a charm at first...
It was working so well that I choose to move into a bigger city and go to the university. Of course tolerance effect occur very fast for the Clonazepam and 6 months later I call my family Doc and told him I was out of pills (2 weeks sooner) and that I needed higher dose and he agree to increase to 4 mg... and 2 months later to 6 mg and I ending on 8 mg day of Clonazepam in the middle of 2006.
With the university, the work and too many friends (it was new for me for the friends), I think I reach a level of exhaustion and my anxiety got worse.
In 2007 I had to stop the university in 2007 cause I was almost homebound (agoraphobia) without panic attack. Was still on 8 mg of Clonazepam and I move back in the house of my parents and was ready to see a PDoc and had meds again (AD) to help me and also therapy to cope with the anxiety...
Before I meet the first PDoc, I choose to tapering slowly the clonazepam and succeed to stop it and use only a small dose of Valium 20 mg day. I had 4 months of withdrawal side-effects, very hard to stop those meds...
I meet the first PDoc in october 2007 and he put me on the Remeron for the insomnia with Prozac for the agoraphobia and social phobia and also send into group therapy with no help, the prozac increase my anxiety and the PDoc was only getting mad at me and wont stop to change from a SSRI to another one. I ending on the Effexor-XR and 10 mg of Xanax a day in the middle of 2008, far worse situation than before I see that PDoc. I had to withdrawal slowly the Xanax, who took 4 months again and it was worse to stop than the Clonazepam you can trust me and I was put on the Lexapro (Cipralex here). Again I ending on a low dose of Valium 20 mg day and was stable on it and my anxiety was ok, able to get out of the house and drive my car but not very comfortable in front of peoples that I don't know.
The Pdoc I had stop working so I was send to another PDoc at the end of december 2008 and it's when everything start falling apart. He remove the Lexapro and start using older meds, I try the Nardil and the Parnate, who are the older AD in the world and I almost die from the Parnate cause of hypertensive crisis... I start having what I call a medphobia after that bad experience... I was put on many older TCA's like the Imipramine, Elavil, Nortriptyline, Clomipramine, all of those older meds was killing me and not helping me at all... and they increase my fear of dying from a heart attack cause of the fast heart beat I had all the time on them.
In 2009 my anxiety increase to the point that I start having panic attacks again, at first when I had to drive alone my car, in the shower, at the gym and after I had them all the time and everywhere. I was put on the Paxil in the middle of 2009 and the low valium dose was replace with a high dose of 8 mg of Clonazepam... The panic attacks stop after 2 months on the Paxil at 20 mg but I had gain 60 pounds who was not good for me and since I was free of panic and able to go out with no problem I just stop the Paxil and stay on the high dose of Clonazepam.
Cause of the gastric by-pass I had in 2001, I had so many bowel movement every day that I start having bleeding hemorrhoids back in 2007...I saw a gastro Doc and was put on the waiting list for a surgery to remove those hemorrhoids. I had severe anemia and had IV iron treatment each week for almost 2 years before I had the surgery (public health system so I wait a long time for the surgery)... I finally had the surgery in november 2009 and it was so painfull that the panic disorder return with vengeance... it's when my anxiety increase to a point of no return...
The 8 mg of Clonazepam did nothing for my anxiety and I try to be back on the Paxil with no luck...since 2010 I try so many times to be back on a SSRI for the panic that I now fear them and can't take them cause i'm med sensitive. 1 mg of Paxil lead one time to supraventricular tachycardia at the emergency room... not funny trust me...
In 2010 I start having more and more panic to the point that I stop to go out of the house, had to stop driving my car, start having chronic weird symptoms like headache all the time, head pain (numb scalp, brain zap, pain in the veins on my head), migraine, severe insomnia and start having cardiovascular problems as well.
In 2011 my anxiety state increase to a point of no return, I start having IBS-D symptoms, lost 70 pounds, had and still have bloating, abdominal cramps, can't eat a lot, the intensity of the headache increase also and I can't take pain killer.
I was told by my PDoc that I have now social anxiety with general anxiety, OCD type of anxiety (always take my blood pressure and my pulse rate, it can be more than 100 times a day), I now fear to die from a heart attack all the time, have chronic chest pain (had all the cardio tests with negative results), I have chronic pins and needles effect all over my body, numbness of my left arm all the time, neck pain, eyes pain, can't read a book or be in front of my computer for more than 20 minutes a day cause it's increasing the headache and eyes pain to the point that I have a migraine, I have 0 energy level, I have orthostatic hypotension with dizziness, I faint once in a while, I have depersonalization feeling all the time, i'm completly homebound now and only go out of the house if I have an appointment with a Doc and can't go on the highway by car as a passenger so always the small roads and need to stop often cause I have too much cardiovasculars symptoms and the list goes on...
I have no PDoc for now, I stop seeing the last one I had cause he didn't beleive me when I told him I had extreme abdominal pain and also he was doing nothing for me, just saying that one day it will pass and nothing else... and guess what happen? In october 2011 I had 2 intestinal obstructions from the abdominal pain and had 2 surgeries in 1 week to repair those obsctuctions. I was in a so bad physical state (malnutrition state) that they put a jejunostomy tube to feed me and I stay 1 month at the hospital and return home with the jejunostomy tube and a machine to feed me 12 hours a day. Even 5 months later I can't eat normally and I can't gain weight...still have the jejunostomy tube and will know next week if they start again the enteral feeding cause I lost some weight again or if they remove it...
For now I see my Family Doc every 3 months and the only meds I can take are a beta-blocker (Inderal) at a very low dose of 5 mg to 10 mg a day to decrease the fast heart beat without lowering too much my blood pressure cause it's on the low side since 1 year, since i'm addicted to high dose of benzo meds I continue to take 8 mg of Clonazepam each day but it's doing nothing for my anxiety and I take some Xanax when I have real nasty chest pain to prevent me to call the 911...if you know what I mean...
I want to be back on a SSRI like the Paxil for the panic disorder but I can't... everybody laught at me because I told them that 1 mg of Paxil have to many side-effects on me and all the PDoc and Doc say it's impossible... but it's not my imagination since I have real side-effects...
Anyway, had so many CBT therapies with exposure, also had group therapy and nothing help me.
I have to find a new PDoc but where I live we have a public health system and you can't have a new PDoc... so will have look for a private PDoc and pay a high price for another opinion.
So for now I live with so many health symptoms that I feel like I will die all the time. Every time I go in the bed I think it will be that night that I will die and when I wake up, most of the time with a panic attack, I think about the day to come and all the symptoms I will have and i'm already tired even before i'm awake... Just take my shower is taking all of my energy... I have no safety zone also and can't stay alone at home, if I know that I will be alone I start to freak out and I even talking on the phone is not helping me when i'm alone...
All those phobias and fears about a heart problem, all those weird symptoms and all the head pain, it's driving me crazy... and the no energy and insomnia is just too much for me. I want to have a normal life again but what I can do to be able to have my life back?
Anyway, if you read all of this you are good, better than me for sure!!! Sorry if it's a long post...
I hope i'm not alone to feel like that. I hope also that some peoples here will be able to help me, giving some tricks to help me to cope with the physical symptoms and things like that ;-)
Thanks everyone!!!
I'm new here and want to introduce myself.
I live in the Canada, i'm a french canadian from Quebec city...lol
I have anxiety since i'm a child, but start having panic attacks without agoraphobia at 19 yo, probably had social anxiety since i'm a child and because I had morbid obesity...so not a lot of friends as a child and as an adult also, always had difficulty to make friends and be around a lot of peoples.
When the panic disorder start, I got the help of a Psychologist that I saw every weeks for 2 years and my family Doc put me on the Paxil who help me a lot to recover from the panic over those 2 years period but also add 200 pounds of weight on me... that's another story...
I was almost cured of my panic and anxiety disorder from 21 yo until 30 yo. Was very active between those 9 years, working full time, going to school, had a gastric by-pass surgery to loose weight (450 pounds before the surgery and 180-190 after).
In 2005 (29 yo) I start having again some mild anxiety, 2 panic attacks out of the blue and go to see my family Doc and ask him for a med and he choose to put me on a low dose of a benzo med call Clonazepam, benzo meds was new for me and I wasn't aware of the addiction problem (had alcohol and drugs addiction when I was a teenager)... so he put me on 2 mg of Clonazepam each day who work like a charm at first...
It was working so well that I choose to move into a bigger city and go to the university. Of course tolerance effect occur very fast for the Clonazepam and 6 months later I call my family Doc and told him I was out of pills (2 weeks sooner) and that I needed higher dose and he agree to increase to 4 mg... and 2 months later to 6 mg and I ending on 8 mg day of Clonazepam in the middle of 2006.
With the university, the work and too many friends (it was new for me for the friends), I think I reach a level of exhaustion and my anxiety got worse.
In 2007 I had to stop the university in 2007 cause I was almost homebound (agoraphobia) without panic attack. Was still on 8 mg of Clonazepam and I move back in the house of my parents and was ready to see a PDoc and had meds again (AD) to help me and also therapy to cope with the anxiety...
Before I meet the first PDoc, I choose to tapering slowly the clonazepam and succeed to stop it and use only a small dose of Valium 20 mg day. I had 4 months of withdrawal side-effects, very hard to stop those meds...
I meet the first PDoc in october 2007 and he put me on the Remeron for the insomnia with Prozac for the agoraphobia and social phobia and also send into group therapy with no help, the prozac increase my anxiety and the PDoc was only getting mad at me and wont stop to change from a SSRI to another one. I ending on the Effexor-XR and 10 mg of Xanax a day in the middle of 2008, far worse situation than before I see that PDoc. I had to withdrawal slowly the Xanax, who took 4 months again and it was worse to stop than the Clonazepam you can trust me and I was put on the Lexapro (Cipralex here). Again I ending on a low dose of Valium 20 mg day and was stable on it and my anxiety was ok, able to get out of the house and drive my car but not very comfortable in front of peoples that I don't know.
The Pdoc I had stop working so I was send to another PDoc at the end of december 2008 and it's when everything start falling apart. He remove the Lexapro and start using older meds, I try the Nardil and the Parnate, who are the older AD in the world and I almost die from the Parnate cause of hypertensive crisis... I start having what I call a medphobia after that bad experience... I was put on many older TCA's like the Imipramine, Elavil, Nortriptyline, Clomipramine, all of those older meds was killing me and not helping me at all... and they increase my fear of dying from a heart attack cause of the fast heart beat I had all the time on them.
In 2009 my anxiety increase to the point that I start having panic attacks again, at first when I had to drive alone my car, in the shower, at the gym and after I had them all the time and everywhere. I was put on the Paxil in the middle of 2009 and the low valium dose was replace with a high dose of 8 mg of Clonazepam... The panic attacks stop after 2 months on the Paxil at 20 mg but I had gain 60 pounds who was not good for me and since I was free of panic and able to go out with no problem I just stop the Paxil and stay on the high dose of Clonazepam.
Cause of the gastric by-pass I had in 2001, I had so many bowel movement every day that I start having bleeding hemorrhoids back in 2007...I saw a gastro Doc and was put on the waiting list for a surgery to remove those hemorrhoids. I had severe anemia and had IV iron treatment each week for almost 2 years before I had the surgery (public health system so I wait a long time for the surgery)... I finally had the surgery in november 2009 and it was so painfull that the panic disorder return with vengeance... it's when my anxiety increase to a point of no return...
The 8 mg of Clonazepam did nothing for my anxiety and I try to be back on the Paxil with no luck...since 2010 I try so many times to be back on a SSRI for the panic that I now fear them and can't take them cause i'm med sensitive. 1 mg of Paxil lead one time to supraventricular tachycardia at the emergency room... not funny trust me...
In 2010 I start having more and more panic to the point that I stop to go out of the house, had to stop driving my car, start having chronic weird symptoms like headache all the time, head pain (numb scalp, brain zap, pain in the veins on my head), migraine, severe insomnia and start having cardiovascular problems as well.
In 2011 my anxiety state increase to a point of no return, I start having IBS-D symptoms, lost 70 pounds, had and still have bloating, abdominal cramps, can't eat a lot, the intensity of the headache increase also and I can't take pain killer.
I was told by my PDoc that I have now social anxiety with general anxiety, OCD type of anxiety (always take my blood pressure and my pulse rate, it can be more than 100 times a day), I now fear to die from a heart attack all the time, have chronic chest pain (had all the cardio tests with negative results), I have chronic pins and needles effect all over my body, numbness of my left arm all the time, neck pain, eyes pain, can't read a book or be in front of my computer for more than 20 minutes a day cause it's increasing the headache and eyes pain to the point that I have a migraine, I have 0 energy level, I have orthostatic hypotension with dizziness, I faint once in a while, I have depersonalization feeling all the time, i'm completly homebound now and only go out of the house if I have an appointment with a Doc and can't go on the highway by car as a passenger so always the small roads and need to stop often cause I have too much cardiovasculars symptoms and the list goes on...
I have no PDoc for now, I stop seeing the last one I had cause he didn't beleive me when I told him I had extreme abdominal pain and also he was doing nothing for me, just saying that one day it will pass and nothing else... and guess what happen? In october 2011 I had 2 intestinal obstructions from the abdominal pain and had 2 surgeries in 1 week to repair those obsctuctions. I was in a so bad physical state (malnutrition state) that they put a jejunostomy tube to feed me and I stay 1 month at the hospital and return home with the jejunostomy tube and a machine to feed me 12 hours a day. Even 5 months later I can't eat normally and I can't gain weight...still have the jejunostomy tube and will know next week if they start again the enteral feeding cause I lost some weight again or if they remove it...
For now I see my Family Doc every 3 months and the only meds I can take are a beta-blocker (Inderal) at a very low dose of 5 mg to 10 mg a day to decrease the fast heart beat without lowering too much my blood pressure cause it's on the low side since 1 year, since i'm addicted to high dose of benzo meds I continue to take 8 mg of Clonazepam each day but it's doing nothing for my anxiety and I take some Xanax when I have real nasty chest pain to prevent me to call the 911...if you know what I mean...
I want to be back on a SSRI like the Paxil for the panic disorder but I can't... everybody laught at me because I told them that 1 mg of Paxil have to many side-effects on me and all the PDoc and Doc say it's impossible... but it's not my imagination since I have real side-effects...
Anyway, had so many CBT therapies with exposure, also had group therapy and nothing help me.
I have to find a new PDoc but where I live we have a public health system and you can't have a new PDoc... so will have look for a private PDoc and pay a high price for another opinion.
So for now I live with so many health symptoms that I feel like I will die all the time. Every time I go in the bed I think it will be that night that I will die and when I wake up, most of the time with a panic attack, I think about the day to come and all the symptoms I will have and i'm already tired even before i'm awake... Just take my shower is taking all of my energy... I have no safety zone also and can't stay alone at home, if I know that I will be alone I start to freak out and I even talking on the phone is not helping me when i'm alone...
All those phobias and fears about a heart problem, all those weird symptoms and all the head pain, it's driving me crazy... and the no energy and insomnia is just too much for me. I want to have a normal life again but what I can do to be able to have my life back?
Anyway, if you read all of this you are good, better than me for sure!!! Sorry if it's a long post...
I hope i'm not alone to feel like that. I hope also that some peoples here will be able to help me, giving some tricks to help me to cope with the physical symptoms and things like that ;-)
Thanks everyone!!!