swgrl09
13-03-12, 17:46
Ok, hard to write this out here but here goes. So I have alluded to what my brother in law did to me on this site before, and it has contributed big time to my PTSD, but never really discussed in depth what happened. I feel I have to just to be able to post about what I am going through with my family.
Over the summer I was raped by my brother in law. Don't want to go further into it than that. Before I have alluded to him violating me, etc, but it was rape and it feels so bad even just saying the word. My sister is married to him still and defending him. She says he was raped as a child and that I need to choose to not be mad at him anymore for her sake. She herself has been raped during college so I am so hurt that she cannot understand how hard this is for me and that I am not just going to "get over it." She wants me to be able to have him back in the family. Are you serious?
Worst part is this is not the first time he has done these things. When I was in high school he was seriously inappropriate with me online and would not leave me alone. He also sent inappropriate photos to a friend of mine. I brought it up then and she denied, blamed me, etc.
Now we are going through family therapy in addition to my EMDR and individual therapy. She is so awful, blaming me, saying I am punishing her, when he did this. I just feel like a wreck, can't function, am depressed and yet have hypervigilance, insomnia, etc. I don't want to go to family therapy anymore because I feel like I can't handle being there, but my therapist (same one does both individual and family) says that I shouldn't walk away from it until I can walk away without feeling anything that is not benign. Like if it upsets me that I have to walk away from my family, if anything is left hanging, I should keep going to it until I can walk away without regrets.
It's just so hard on me in addition to the EMDR. It's exhausting and I'm trying to also be a graduate student and work as well, leaving no energy for my relationship or any kind of social life. I'm just wiped. I'm sick of the BS from her and lack of support from my dad and my other sister. I keep thinking that my mom would have been supportive, but she died last year so there goes that.
I just wanna give up sometimes and move across the country and start over. Anybody relate to that?
Anyway, just venting ... needed to get my frustrations out.
Over the summer I was raped by my brother in law. Don't want to go further into it than that. Before I have alluded to him violating me, etc, but it was rape and it feels so bad even just saying the word. My sister is married to him still and defending him. She says he was raped as a child and that I need to choose to not be mad at him anymore for her sake. She herself has been raped during college so I am so hurt that she cannot understand how hard this is for me and that I am not just going to "get over it." She wants me to be able to have him back in the family. Are you serious?
Worst part is this is not the first time he has done these things. When I was in high school he was seriously inappropriate with me online and would not leave me alone. He also sent inappropriate photos to a friend of mine. I brought it up then and she denied, blamed me, etc.
Now we are going through family therapy in addition to my EMDR and individual therapy. She is so awful, blaming me, saying I am punishing her, when he did this. I just feel like a wreck, can't function, am depressed and yet have hypervigilance, insomnia, etc. I don't want to go to family therapy anymore because I feel like I can't handle being there, but my therapist (same one does both individual and family) says that I shouldn't walk away from it until I can walk away without feeling anything that is not benign. Like if it upsets me that I have to walk away from my family, if anything is left hanging, I should keep going to it until I can walk away without regrets.
It's just so hard on me in addition to the EMDR. It's exhausting and I'm trying to also be a graduate student and work as well, leaving no energy for my relationship or any kind of social life. I'm just wiped. I'm sick of the BS from her and lack of support from my dad and my other sister. I keep thinking that my mom would have been supportive, but she died last year so there goes that.
I just wanna give up sometimes and move across the country and start over. Anybody relate to that?
Anyway, just venting ... needed to get my frustrations out.