It's a daily battle..

[soulcrosses]

I am just tired.
Of everything. But mostly this.
I don't have any motivation. I'm capable, but I don't even want to get up in the morning.
I say no to hanging out with anyone, just because.
I snap at people who probably don't deserve it.
My mind circulates thoughts; it creates scenarios that don't exist.
I cry much too often.
I don't like being alone, yet I choose to be.
Most of the time, I don't understand the things that I do,
Or why I even do them in the firsy place.
I suffer from anxiety.
Consequentially, the depression has followed.
The medications make me feel happy sometimes,
But that happiness comes in little flashes.
I think it sometimes makes the lows seem worse.
Before there was no comparison.
It was just like something constantly latching onto my brain with its fingernails.
It's an illness.
But only one person other than my Doctor knows.
And now everybody reading this.
But none of you know who I am.
I am scared, because I'm facing this alone.
I'm sorry to everyone who thinks that I'm "different".
I wish they could understand why I'm so quiet all of the time.
And why I don't like social activities anymore.
I don't mean to cancel plans all of the time.
Sometimes, I just can't face people, you know?
I'm also sorry to everyone that doesn't understand.
I wish I could let everyone inside of my head.
Because I feel like people percieve me as someone I'm not right now.
I'm just too sensitive.
I don't want to appear dramatic.
I can't help it. I don't want to be this way anymore.
It hurts. It's in everything that I do.
I hope that you can understand.

[star2001]

hi soulcrosses.....poetry? really impressive and expressive and i think anyone reading this post who is an anxiety suffer DOES UNDERSTAND. i hve felt many of the things within this post so if you do feel alone and need soemone to chat to please private msg me and i would be happy to lend an ear :) x

[soulcrosses]

Hi Star! No, not poetry.. I'm just writing down my thoughts. It's quite late and I'm having "one of those evenings".. I'd hate to come across as dramatic, but it's so nice to actually be able to freely express myself for once without fear of being judged. It's so hard to face this alone, so thank you for your invitation to chat! Perhaps I'll take you up on that sometime! Thank you for replying, it made me smile.

:)

[star2001]

wow, its very expressive and flowed really nicely, lol. its interesting you worry about being judged so much......i have suffered with anxiety since my early teens (am now 25) and the only way i deal with my issues are by talking....lots!!!! So i can imagine when you say its hard to face alone.......but by posting all your feelings is a really positive step!!! hopefully you can build some confidence and perhaps confide in a close family member or friend sometime? you would be suprised how many people experience exactly what you feel, so please dont think your strange and alone in these feelings.
this site has helped me massively so keep posting..... :)

[soulcrosses]

Hahaha, really?! Craaaaazy! Well, I do write seriously, so perhaps I'll share some of my proper work sometime? You know, for fun. Aww, that's ever so sweet of you! I've only ever spoken to one other person about my issues regarding anxiety and depression. After trying to "self-heal" myself for over two years, they finally helped in persuading me to seek medical help. I was always very skeptical at first (as I've grown up surrounded by people who deny that mental health issues even exist), so as you can imagine, the thought of confiding in them is very unrealistic, and would probably prove unhelpful. The one person that I did decide to talk to, and I trust them very much.. Well, I can't help but feel as though I'm a bit of a burden, you know? Like a scratched record. I'm fine one minute, then complaining the next.. I don't know. I'm so pleased that I can finally just talk to people who genuinely can relate - and hopefully I can help them too! Thanks again, Star. You truly are a star!

;)

[star2001]

it just stood out i guess :) and you should...anyway in which you can get your feeling out will only be benifical. It must be v.difficult to be surrounded by people who are close minded to the seriouness of mental illness, but im pleased you found someone you can talk to. Dont feel like a burden...unfortunatley guilt is a nasty part of my anxiety....maybe the same for you. My mind feels like a scratch record....lol, going over and over :) Its good to hear your so positive about the forum, it really is so helpful :) aw bless you, well as i said msg me if you need a friend and until then take care.....and chin up....your certainly arent alone :)

[fell_on_black_days]

Aye, it is a daily battle. Feels like my head, or thoughts are caught in one of those automatic doors, keeps trying to close but can't so back and forth it goes.