Can't believe the mess...

[Laramacbain]

Well.. firstly I should start by saying I've suffered with anxiety for years, then it turned into panic attacks and then depression! I reluctantly beat it with medication and a bit of counselling, but never took it 100% seriously. It made me move back home after moving in with my boyfriend and has made me quit several jobs, but I just thought I wasn't ready. Last summer I was on the tablets, started a job, all was fine. I came off the tablets at Christmas and then felt ready to move into a new place with my boyfriend and start a new job. I quit my old job about a month ago and decided to have a nice 3 week break and then stupidly start the job and move in within a week of each other. Well it's a no brainer now that it all went wrong. I moved back home and quit the job after a day. I now have no job, live at home, and have made myself ill, I'm back on the tablets, but when I went into the job on Monday I couldn't eat, had really bad headache and stomach pains and was shaking and felt faint.

I literally have no confidence now, I feel like there is no job that I can do, I feel petrified by the thought of starting a new job or living with my boyfriend, even though that's everything that I want. I know it must get better, because I've been there before, but this is the worst it's ever been. I've always been panicked by jobs, I hate not knowing what I'm doing and I hate the thought that I could fail. I become overwhelmed by things. The job I would have been doing was not a challenging job, it's one I have more than enough experience and qualifications for, but I still panicked!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[soulcrosses]

Hey there!

Oh, I know the feelings all too well. It's very important that you realise that you are not alone. Never, ever. All happiness requires work. Sometimes it's simply an effort to get out of bed in the morning, much less face the day and all the people you have to come in contact with. Stagnancy and fear only breeds more stagnancy and fear. The fear immobilizes. Which leads to more fear and more immobilization. If you're focused on your worst fears, your worst fears will indeed come true.

I suggest starting small. You can't rely solely on medication (but Goodness, aren't they good?!) because one day, you're inevitably going to have to come off from them, and we wouldn't want another mini-breakdown, eh? I suggest that you find something that you really, really like to do, independently of another human being, that brings you pleasure, and do that! For me, it's photograhong Once you've achieved a comfort zone in that populated environment, do something else in an active social environment, and so on, and, before long, you'll be happy, because, like "stupid is as stupid does", happiness is as happiness does!

You'll get into the rythm. Just go forth into the world and do. Start doing something daily that you like (that doesn't cost much money, regardless of what people say, retail therapy/shopping will probably make you feel worse when you check your purse, bedides - the amounts if people on the highstreet probably dont appeal to you right now) and continue on from there.

Then come home at night and relax. There's no shame in just wanting some ME time, away from your boyfriend, away from everything and everyone. Create a balance.

Relationships, while they bring sex and good feelings, are also a sharing of souls and a soul-sacrifice. Ask yourself if you were this strong, confident person before you got into a relationship, and whether the relationship has been beneficial to you or has drained your soul somehow.

Good luck, let me know how you get on - and take care :)

[theharvestmouse]

Everyone seems to be hooked up on here, makes me depressed.

[soulcrosses]

Don't feel sad! You need to be your own person. If you can't live happy independently, odds are you wouldn't be happy being committed either! Your time will come, focus on today, a d yourself :)

[theharvestmouse]

I live independently, everything I have achieved in life I have had to do on my own, I am happy with who I am, I can support myself, but being alone because of my anxiety is desperately lonely.

Thanks anyway.

[fell_on_black_days]

I'll bet. thing is when you do have someone and you have this, my case the big D, it can makes things complicated. Or in my case have your partner consider doing one.

[theharvestmouse]

Yes but you get to a point where you would rather not carry on living alone, I'm only 30 and have not given up yet, anxiety has wrecked years of my life but I know I have so much to give in life but it tares me apart to live like this.

[AthousandMilesAway]

Would it help you if you put all your cards on the table with your employer?

(I feel) it makes me look silly but most of the time if I feel anxious, as soon as I tell someone it subsides a bit.

Let your employer know the score, tell them you will try hard to fight the anxiety but ask them to bear with you. Hopefully they will understand