soulcrosses
15-03-12, 20:03
Over the past coule of years of my life, I have changed dramatically as a person. Recently, many people have been reaching out to me asking if I’m alright, wondering how I’m doing, questioning me. This should answer all your questions. But the real reason I’m doing this is in hopes that I can open people’s eyes to something that isn’t talked about enough: anxiety.*
After attempting to "self heal" myself due to embarrassment. I finally visited a Doctor as a last resort. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to explain myself, but it wasn't long at all before he diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. I had reacted to some of the medication I was taking, and it messed with my hormones. My brain was chemically unbalanced, and I wasn’t myself. I imagine that most of you have dealt with/experienced anxiety for whatever reason in the past, and for those who haven't; it’s not a pretty sight. When I started having anxiety attacks, it was the most terrifying experience of my life. You feel like the whole world is against you, that you’ll never be happy again, that you’re trapped and the only way to get out is to run away from everything and everyone. At first, I had no idea how to deal with it other than just sticking it out and waiting for it to pass. Nobody knew how to deal with me. As time passed, I was given ways to help me deal with the situation, and people close to me became more familiar with how to help me through it. It is not something you recover from overnight. It’s not something you can turn off and on. Most importantly, it’s not who you are. When anxiety took over, I was a different person. I was sad, negative, depressing. But the important part was that I could separate the two, and I could hold onto the real me.*
After months of struggling with this medication and pushing forward, I’ve finally found my way back to myself. I feel happy. I haven’t had an anxiety attack in over a week (a small amount of time, i know). I still have down days, I still hide away, but for the first time, in a long time - I'm working my way up. I'm not circling rock bottom anymore. I'm sure there will be highs and lows. But if I hadn't felt ashamed for so long, I could have been at this stage far earlier.
That saud, my anxiety managed to do a lot of damage to my life before I was able to seek medical help. Without going into too much detail, I can say that people have turned it again. They have made me my anxiety, and only that. No matter how many times I say I’m feeling better, that I’m improving, that it’s in the past, they don’t believe me.* I’ve had people tell me I used it for a crutch. I did whatever I wanted and said whatever I wanted, and simply blamed it on my anxiety. I would never do that. I didn’t wish for this. I never liked it. I wanted to rid myself of it as quickly as possible, so why would I use it to define me?
I want people to understand something. It doesn’t matter how much research you do, or what people tell you, or how many documentaries you watch, you will never know how it feels to have anxiety unless you have it. You cannot tell someone how they feel. You cannot tell someone they aren’t better if you don’t know. You cannot let anxiety or depression or any other illness define a person, because that is not who they are.* I am not a negative person. I am not a weakling. I am not a stupid little girl, although I have been called all of those things lately. What I really am is an optimist, a strong fighter, and a growing intelligent woman, and that’s what people know me as. I will not let people who think so badly of me destroy my life.*
To anyone who is reading this, please take one thing with you: anxiety/depression/any mental illness does not make you any less of a person. Do not apologize for something you can’t control. Stand up for yourself and stay true to yourself. It’s not your fault.* If you know someone who has a problem like mine, do not treat them like crap. Be a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand. Do not desert someone simply because they are going through a rough time. Do not blame them for something they can’t control, please.
If you made it to the end, thank you. I really hope more people can understand these issues and the people that go through them, as it’s not easy. Instead of judging someone based on their problem, reach out to them instead. A little love goes a long way.*
We're all in this together.
I hope that we all manage to lead happy and fulfilling lives.
:)
After attempting to "self heal" myself due to embarrassment. I finally visited a Doctor as a last resort. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to explain myself, but it wasn't long at all before he diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. I had reacted to some of the medication I was taking, and it messed with my hormones. My brain was chemically unbalanced, and I wasn’t myself. I imagine that most of you have dealt with/experienced anxiety for whatever reason in the past, and for those who haven't; it’s not a pretty sight. When I started having anxiety attacks, it was the most terrifying experience of my life. You feel like the whole world is against you, that you’ll never be happy again, that you’re trapped and the only way to get out is to run away from everything and everyone. At first, I had no idea how to deal with it other than just sticking it out and waiting for it to pass. Nobody knew how to deal with me. As time passed, I was given ways to help me deal with the situation, and people close to me became more familiar with how to help me through it. It is not something you recover from overnight. It’s not something you can turn off and on. Most importantly, it’s not who you are. When anxiety took over, I was a different person. I was sad, negative, depressing. But the important part was that I could separate the two, and I could hold onto the real me.*
After months of struggling with this medication and pushing forward, I’ve finally found my way back to myself. I feel happy. I haven’t had an anxiety attack in over a week (a small amount of time, i know). I still have down days, I still hide away, but for the first time, in a long time - I'm working my way up. I'm not circling rock bottom anymore. I'm sure there will be highs and lows. But if I hadn't felt ashamed for so long, I could have been at this stage far earlier.
That saud, my anxiety managed to do a lot of damage to my life before I was able to seek medical help. Without going into too much detail, I can say that people have turned it again. They have made me my anxiety, and only that. No matter how many times I say I’m feeling better, that I’m improving, that it’s in the past, they don’t believe me.* I’ve had people tell me I used it for a crutch. I did whatever I wanted and said whatever I wanted, and simply blamed it on my anxiety. I would never do that. I didn’t wish for this. I never liked it. I wanted to rid myself of it as quickly as possible, so why would I use it to define me?
I want people to understand something. It doesn’t matter how much research you do, or what people tell you, or how many documentaries you watch, you will never know how it feels to have anxiety unless you have it. You cannot tell someone how they feel. You cannot tell someone they aren’t better if you don’t know. You cannot let anxiety or depression or any other illness define a person, because that is not who they are.* I am not a negative person. I am not a weakling. I am not a stupid little girl, although I have been called all of those things lately. What I really am is an optimist, a strong fighter, and a growing intelligent woman, and that’s what people know me as. I will not let people who think so badly of me destroy my life.*
To anyone who is reading this, please take one thing with you: anxiety/depression/any mental illness does not make you any less of a person. Do not apologize for something you can’t control. Stand up for yourself and stay true to yourself. It’s not your fault.* If you know someone who has a problem like mine, do not treat them like crap. Be a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand. Do not desert someone simply because they are going through a rough time. Do not blame them for something they can’t control, please.
If you made it to the end, thank you. I really hope more people can understand these issues and the people that go through them, as it’s not easy. Instead of judging someone based on their problem, reach out to them instead. A little love goes a long way.*
We're all in this together.
I hope that we all manage to lead happy and fulfilling lives.
:)