Feel a Failure

[neowallace]

Hi there friends,

A local agency lined up a job interview for me today and I got that anxious about going and not being able to do the job I have cancelled it. I have done these stressful Call Centre jobs before and always felt unhappy. I just feel this is going to be the story of my life and I will not be able to work again. Anxiety seems to be in control again although I don't think this is the right job for me. I am at college just now but not really enjoying it and just want to find a job that will not flare up my anxiety. I feel bored when I am at home and depressed. Is anyone else going through this or been through this. Has anyone came to terms with problems with employment and anxiety/depression? Sorry just had to get that of my chest...:weep:

[rock chick]

First have this please from me! :bighug1:

Now I have never had a job, no never even though I'm 27 but I have indeed wanted 1 but the fear of handling it and obviously losing my disability payment and then probably not being able to get back on if I need to has made me feel lost about employment. Years ago I had many ideas of what I wanted to do, be a writer (at least that is still my ambition), working with animals but I dropped out of the course after 3 days because I felt the others in the class thought I was a freak or some nonsense. Looked into web design but found a bunch of issues there. Even being a train driver but it's mostly males and all that time alone would possibly make me :wacko:. Note these jobs were ones with little contact with others, so that left out a huge amount of jobs.

So for now I just have no idea, I'm gonna consider going back to writing and maybe I'll sell a book or 2 but I don't want to have never had a job and/or career, so I understand a lot where you're coming from.

[neowallace]

Hi Rock Chick

Many thanks for the reply is good to know someone understands. What others take for granted seems like climbing Mount Everest at the moment, and is not getting any easier as I get older. Not only is it frustrating the anxiety and lack of confidence is there but it is also making me feel depressed and I am letting my family down. I wish I could have more confidence in myself. I think I will need to keep it simple today and just live in the day and do the best I can. I wish you best wishes and thoughts and also you have a big hug as well...:bighug1:

[Munki]

Neowallace, it's like looking in a mirror reading your post.

I'm 36 now but when I was in my early twenties and my anxiety kicked in, I was constantly lining up jobs but cancelling last minute. I remember that if something was in the distance it was safe, but as soon as it drew nearer the crippling, paralysing anxiety started to fester. It was always result in me cancelling and always feeling terrible for doing so.

You are not alone here!!

I've managed over the years to put a stop to this as it started to become so bad that I'd make an arrangement (which made me feel like I was achieving or working towards something) then I'd cancel it last minute. It's strange, we make the plan to feel a success but then cancel which makes us feel worse. Self sabotage springs to mind!

I would advise you that the best thing to do is TREAT your anxiety. It's part of you and I promise you that you'll keep sabotaging yourself until you recognise it. Talk to a doctor about it, read up about ways to calm yourself. It doesn't go away (sadly!) so you need to almost embrace it.

I'd also advise that despite wanting to work, why don't you try and commit yourself to something each week that doesn't involve anyone else and see if you can stick to it. If you can and you enjoy the time out then maybe you're ready to commit to a job.

It's a good way to start and this way you don't feel that you've let anyone down if you don't see it through. I know the way 'cancelling' makes you feel and if you're like me, it's earth shattering!!

xx

[neowallace]

Thanks Munki

I appreciate your reply and it is soul destroying cancelling and knowing deep down it is anxiety. I am seeing the Doc on Wednesday but I agree what you say I need to put myself in a situation where I can build as my confidence is at a all time low just now. Feel a bit better tonight and if one good thing comes out of this I get to Virtual Chat with some kind and caring people who can support and give their experience.....thanks again

swxx:)

[theharvestmouse]

Neo, this might sound harsh but, hiding and cancelling appointments will no go any way to improve your situation.

You need to first tackle the anxiety, but to gain confidence and raise self esteem you will have to go out there and do something. Volunteer work is a great way to do it, it will really help you out, it gives you a purpose, gives you the feel of working without the pressure.

I get how hard it is to face up to it but if you really want to get somewhere and not let the anxiety take over then you will have to work towards being able to get a job.

By the way I know how bad it is to have a job and have anxiety/depression, I sympathise with you, but try working towards whatever it is you want to do in life.

[neowallace]

Thanks harvestmouse for your reply it is a behaviour that I learned through stress courses is not to avoid and I did it. I am going to take on your suggestion today and have a think of what type of work I can do at the moment. Many thanks for your suggestions. I have learned that compassion can be harsh as well..Hope you have a good day today..:hugs:

[Munki]

For me personally, the thought of committing to anything whilst I felt that way was unbearable. The only reason I did was so that I didn't feel such a failure. However, I agree with theharvestmouse in that it's not a good routine to be in. I know it became quite a cycle for me, I'd hate you to do the same. If I were you I'd maybe try and start writing. Is that something you could consider? Write a book about anything, the way you feel or even try and write something fictional. Most anxiety sufferers are creative so it's no suprise that a lot of us turn to writing. Not only is it enjoyable, it's also cathartic. And hey, you're not committed to anyone.

If I were you I'd avoid a job right now. Accept that you're a bit bored and fill your time with something. xx

[neowallace]

Hi Munki

Thanks for your reply I do feel that maybe a change of direction might be needed. I have written some poems before and enjoyed that. I do have a college course that I am at 3 days a weeks just but lack motivation with it. I think it could be the reason I dived back in looking for a job. Maybe your right I need to start filling my time better. Many thanks again for reply. I hope you are having a good day and thanks again..xx:)

[Munki]

No problem :)

I'm having similar problems myself at the moment which I've written about in a different thread. I think it's more obsessive but hey, I'll conquer it somehow!

[Laramacbain]

You are definitely not alone.. I have had part time jobs since I was 15 (I'm 22 now) most that filled me with anxiety and dread so I just quit them all. I then went to uni and didn't fulfil my final teaching placements because of anxiety, I got given a second chance, because I really wanted to overcome it, so I tried a second time, but quit again.

My problem is I know I am capable of achieving but I don't really believe I can do it once I get there, I still convince myself to go for the jobs and got offered a job as a lecturer at a college, but I panicked and quit after the first day because of anxiety. I literally thought I'd never be able to hold down a job, but I did some part time work and agency work which was ok as I knew I could get out whenever I wanted. Then I was a long term temp for 8 months at a bank (so there is definitely hope!!!) I got bored though and wanted to do a job that was using my degree, so I found a new job, I was really excited about it, I left my old job, but unfortunately at the same time I was moving in with my boyfriend (after moving out last year) and it was all too much in one go, I got really anxious and only went in to the first day of the job, plus moved out from living with my boyfriend!! Anxiety has hit me full bam in the face again and I don't feel like I could do another job ever again!!!!!!!!!!

However I know this is not true, I have started counselling again and am focussing on getting myself better before I get into a job, it is boring and demoralising and I know that when I find a job it won't be one that I will be fulfillled in, because right now I can't even handle the thought of any job, but I have hope that I will get there. My advice to you is to take it slow, get better first, tips on how to relax, maybe try CBT, then when you find a job be sure it's what you want to do and even if it's not, tell yourself that it's a job for now and it doesn't matter if you leave one job and take another one!! Hope this helps, sorry I've rambled quite a bit!!! xx

[neowallace]

Hi Laramacbain

Thank you so much for your kind reply. Everything you wrote seems very alike myself. I think your suggestion is spot on and that is; to take time and and get myself as balanced as possible. I hope you find a job that you can take satisfaction from and the anxiety does not get in the way. I think we may doubt ourselves too much as well. From a spiritual point of view if we can find happiness from maybe other sources such as being creative or such like then that maybe our path. I do send good wishes and thoughts and hope like myself you find peace in whatever you do.

swxx:yesyes:

[kevashm]

I know how you all feel with feeling like a failure and the guilt that goes with it, i'm struggling to find work (hold down a job) and the anxiety just seems to be getting stronger at the moment.
I think its because my parents are having to sell the house as we can't afford to live here anymore (again guilt rises) as i'm not paying my way
Its a constant battle that feels like its not going to let up, but I have controlled it in the past and I suppose its what I have to hold onto!
Anyway take care people

[sallad]

HI, I am 42 and most days barely make it to work my anxiety is so heavy right now. I have done the same things as you are doing. It is a viscous circle. I also think self esteem issues are at the heart of most of our anxiety issues. We don't have the confidence to say the job [or event or trip etc] is not for us so we agree and then we get anxious and back out. What you said is the job is not for you. End of story. Perhaps the thing to work on is speaking up next time. Not going for something that is not for you. Perhaps you could work with animals or outside? You are a sensitive person, as am I, we need to do what our hearts and minds need. Take care of yourself, forgive yourself. I am trying to do the same. :)

[theharvestmouse]

Neo I'm glad you understood my post because it was meant in your best interests. By the way I have been there and I know how bad it can be. I once quit a job because of my anxiety problems and I once feared I would never be able to do paid work again, my confidence was so low and anxiety so bad.

I'm not saying I'm 100% fine now but I have come a long way. I started doing volunteer work, conservation work, it got me outside and kept me busy, I learnt new skills and it helped improve my confidence, it was a stepping stone back to paid work.

Hopefully you can do something similar that will help you on your way.

Good luck.:)

[Laramacbain]

I'm glad you found that helpful and agreed, for the time being I'm trying to get some agency work to keep me ticking along and this will also help to build confidence in different settings, etc. I always think you never know what's going to come up or what is round the corner, there is something for everyone, it's just finding it :-) I'm off to an anxiety self help group tonight, eeeeeek, wish me luck!!!!!!! Hope you are well xx

[rock chick]

I've been considering doing volunteer work eventually, I tried years ago with animals but got turned down and most places had too many applicants. You see I don't want to be around many people, not saying totally alone but a small amount of people basically. Then there's the question of what I'd be interested in, I know I like computers (don't let me near the hardware though, wouldn't have much of a clue, lol) but it's so similar to my using a computer a lot these days anyway.

Okay, I'll stop hijacking the thread but I do feel volunteer work can be useful for people wanting to get out around people and feel like they're doing something and something they like without the worry of it being an actual job. It needn't be anything they even is related to any type of employment someone may want, that's a bonus but it shouldn't be the main consideration for people with GAD and SA for example.

[neowallace]

Hi Guys

Thanks for all the replies on this thread it seems that the theme is to do a least something. I have went to college two days in a row it did beat sitting in the house in my own mind for too long. What I have taken from this is there are lots of things we can do and it might not only be regular paid work. Harvestmouse is doing different things and I like the sound of that. Who said working 9 to 5 and being a regular Joe is the only socially accepted thing anyway. Good luck Laramacbain with the course it can only help, if you get any good tips pass them on ..lol...best of luck to everyone who has posted you have all helped me and it is really appreciated and as someone once said...."Keep It Simple". Seeing Doctor tomorrow he probably see's me more than his wife.:D

Love to all......:hugs: