when will the tourcher stop

[richtaz33]

hi, I have in a nut shell had a gut full now and really fed up with being tourhered, I dont know what to do or think anymore. over the last 2 years i have changed and changed my medication so many times and still i am no better. I have gone from loving my fiancee to not loving her back to loving her now back to not loving her. The same with caring and loving people. My automatic ruminating thoughts 24/7 about not loving my fiancee anymore and being upset at the same time. being irritated by people easily. At the moment i have been on sertraline for nearly 4 weeks 1 week of that it had been increased to 100mg. Just really asking is my depression screwing with my head and how long should i give the medication to work and has or is anyone else experienced the same
i have a good councillor and she keeps reminding me that i have been here before and when i haven't all i talk about is my fiancee and how i want her in my life etc. So i assume your saying listen to that advice sit tight and wait. Just at the moment all i hear in my head and feelings is i don't love her 24/7 and upset at the same time when i am with her or not its killing me
19 seconds ago

[ems73]

Rich, I understand how you feel. It's horrible.
When we are suffering from depression all the good things about life leave us, that often includes the loving feelings we have for our partners. We simply don't know how we feel when we are depressed, so we panic, feel like what if we don't love them, how awful that would be etc and it's very distressing. The same thing happened to me. You love your fiancee. When you are feeling well, that is the real you and those are the feelings you can trust. when you're feeling bad, try to remember that.
You WILL get through this. Depression is the absolute worst of any illness, we have to try and be very strong and get through it. Don't torment yourself with worries about your fiance. Think to yourself, I'm having worries about how I feel but I'm not going to deal with that right now. For now, I'm just going to concentrate on getting better.

When you feel better, you can then address how you feel about your fiance, and I can tell you, you'll love her. It's very difficult because we feel that when we're in this state, showing any love for them makes us dishonest, we feel like we're pretending, we're worried we're leading them on. And also it makes it even harder for them to deal with us.

Be loving towards your fiance, even if you don't really feel like it. Keep things together and don't make any decisions til you feel better.

This is a very common way to feel. Try not to worry about it. xx:hugs:

[richtaz33]

Thank you everything you said especially towards the end was so true about things. Thank you again for the hope.

[Kellybobz]

Hi i really feel for you i have suffered with anxiety and depression for around seven years, when i relapse and become very low one of my first worries is that i musnt be happy in my life and i usually beleive there must be something missing in my relationship. I then start yo doubt weather im happy? if im not happy, why? Do i love him? Am i bored? This all then starts to spiral and i end up feeling sad tht i dont llove my partner anymore, but i dont want to act on this incase its just my mood. I can tell you i have come to realise after several relapses this is due to my depression and when my mood starts to lift and the anxiety reduces i realise that i do love my partner and im so grateful and happy for the life we have together. It is very difficult, but the only thing that ever really helps me is excercise, its pulled me out of some really really bad episodes in my life. Its so hard to find he motivation to do it when you feel so low. Im currently struggling again a the minute. I beleive it helps me more than any medication. good luck and i wish you well xx

[richtaz33]

kellybobz did you also find your partner irritating and just saw there faults.

[Stormsky]

Because we see no good in ourselves, we dont see it in others... remember throughout all this , your not yourself, you wouldnt even question your love if it wasnt for depression/anx... we dont feel worthy of love, and its hard to give love, if you dont love yourself....
Agree that you should do your best to be loving, even if you dont feel it... when you are better you dont want anything you do now to ruin your future together....

[ems73]

kellybobz did you also find your partner irritating and just saw there faults.

Rich - I did. Every bad thing they'd ever said or done would come back to me and I would panic about it. Couldn't see the good in them anymore. This feeling was temporary though.

[Kellybobz]

Hi sorry to reply late. Yes i did wich also went for other things in my life aswell at that point. It always seems to be the ones closest to us who seem to irritate us the most when we are down. I do beleive going off my own experience that when your mood improves so will your outlook on life and situations in general. Im actually a mental health nurse (ironic i know, but we are human lol) and i know this is a common feeling people experience when they are depressed. xx

---------- Post added at 16:53 ---------- Previous post was at 16:53 ----------

sorry for the spelling, really need to check my post before posting lol x

[ems73]

Interesting that you are a mental health nurse Kelly, you must have seen all sorts of people struggling with different issues in your time at work. That must be useful I guess
Don't suppose you've come across any helpful tips on how to beat the old anxiety demon in your time??:)

[Kellybobz]

Hi yes i suppose it is interesting ha. We are all human at the end of the day and i have helped many people with many different mental illness' on the road to recovery. That said however doesnt mean im an expert and each person has there own individual problems, tht often require professional help. I too have suffered anxiety and depression which started before i trained as a nurse, and inspired me to try and help others. My anxiety has been mild/managable to severe/debilitating at different stages in my life and i have tried and tested alot of self help strategies, medications and so-on. I think the one thing that helped me first of all and others i have nursed with anxiety is to realise you are not going mad, and you wont lose control. The symptoms we feel are very real but are not harmful. I had to accept this before i could attempt any other anxiety busting treatments. I had a course of CBT which i persnally found amazing but you have to put the work in, and be open minded to your thoughts being challenged. Excercise is brilliant if you can motivate yourself to do this as it burns off excess adrenaline and releases endorphines. As i posted earlier, excercise helped me out of a very bad episode and it helped get rid of stress that had built up. Its always good to reduce or cut out caffine and alcohol. I personally found it helpful to write goals down of what i wanted to acheive/ anxieties i feared and symptoms i was experiencing. I still have these diaries and when i look at them i can see how i improved at times and realised what triggers set my anxiety off. It just gives you some knowledge of you own mind and how to recognise what helps you etc. Relaxation/breathing excercises are helpful for some people. Medication is always an option but best discussed with your GP.

I have used many different methods, different things have helped at different times dependant upon severity. I try to surround myself with positive things and good friends who can help and support. I do things that bring me enjoyment when im well, when im unwell i use these memories to motivate myself to be well. Saying that its also helping to come on here and have others support who truely know how difficult it can be at times.

You can be well, we all have anxieties but for us it gets overwhelming, but it is normal to feel anxiety to a certain degree. I have actually been so unwell at one point i could not leave my house, or eat because my throat would tighten and i felt i would choke. I could not travel on public transport, and i couldnt even walk my dog past the end of the street without feeling i was going to pass out and die. Those days are gone thankfully but i still have difficulties and now know what triggers it, and deal with it how i know works for me. (Just trying to motivate myself at the moment)

I hope i have helped and answered your question. you can always message me if you need any support.

You will have good days and bad days as we all do, dont let the bad days rule!

Good luck, i wish you well:)

[ems73]

Thanks Kelly that's really interesting and helpful.