Tearing Us Apart !!

[Nicki22]

i suffer from panic attacks and cant go anywere alone !! i have to relay on my fiance to take me everywere..now its got to the point were he feels his life is dead now he cant do anything wivout me...He's wanting to go ova to his family about 30mins away on train and go out to pub wiv his brother only prob is if he goes i cant b alone in house ill panic really bad...i normaly stay wiv my mum n dad but at the mo they have no room..i feel its my fault he no life.. i wish i had a life away from my fella but there noone i can turn to... i feel really bad about all this i dont know wot 2 do

[PUGLETMUM]

:(hello nikki, i am in same situation as you, except i have no family to go to, but i'm sure that having a mum and dad still does'nt stop it? i developed this monophobia business in last few years. it develops out of clinging to someone else to stop the panic.

however in my experience, eventually my husband resented me that much that he has been very nasty to me at times so making me panic even when with him!!!!

at this point i turn a corner, as i realise that this is not easy on another person to deal with, doing NOTHING else except work and be with me and our daughter.

it is suffocating, just put yourself in his position!!

now i'm not being unsympathetic, but it is hard on them too. remember he loves you as would'nt do this, but sometimes the guys who bend over backwards are actually helping you to be dependant.

please can you try to do little steps for him to go away from you?
when i'm at worst i can't even trust a mobile phone!!
maybe get him to take the mobile and then ring him to make sure it's ringing etc, but say to him that if he does'nt hear from you after half hour say or even less, he rings you, and this goes on until you learn to deal with your anxiety on your own.

tonight my husband is going to go on a bike ride with his tri club and our daughter will be with grandparents, so that will be a first step for me to be on my own. he will never be any more than 10 miles away, and i tell myself now that he WILL come back. if i was feeling bad eventually he would come home, he's not going to dissapear!

i know when your this reliant on another person you feel there is no way out but i promise you there IS.

you have to be brave - do it even though your frightened, this dependency on my husband has been the single worse thing to happen to me in all of my life!! i looked after my mum from age 18-20 while she slowly died from cancer, but this is far worse, because although that was awful i could still be alone after she died, i was'nt terrified in my own company!!!

you are not alone, if you need to chat i'm here, emmas

[Nicki22]

thanks 4 the reply hun x
i just wish he would help me more yes he is around me 24-7 but feel i get no help wen im in a mess n im having a panic attack..
i said i mite go to my mums n stay with her 4 a few days as i cant cope anymore i feel i av 2 cope alone..he told me to go i cant belive it im so hurt.. mayb he wants out and he as had enough of me i love him to bits and dont want to loose him im scared

[chucklehound]

Hope you start to get better soon. I agree with Emma, maybe to try little steps would help

Take care

Chuckle

xxxx

[heths]

Hi Nikki,

I can understand how you feel. I'm agoraphobic and the distance which I can go out, I have to go with someone.

Also I feel guilty at times. I don't live with my boyfriend, I live with my parents, and my boyfriend comes to visit me a few times a week. But we can't go anywhere together and at times it's hard for him. We've had arguments.

There was a time where I couldn't be alone and I've done things in steps to get me used to being alone again. Such as my mum going out to the shop and slowly increasing it as I feel more comfortable with it.

Also relaxation CD's to relax you and distraction helps when you're on your own. I've found playing a computer game helps for distraction. Coming on this forum and going into the chat room can help too.

It is possible to get over the fear.

Take Care,

Heather x

[PUGLETMUM]

hi niki22, sorry to hear that your scared, i'm same as don't think i could even live without my husband!

but that's the problem is'nt it, feeling like you can't live without them, and this is not healthy in a relationship, it is just not good for both of you.

if you feel you need to cope with the panics on your own, that is fine you don't need him being possessive or nasty or rejecting or whatever is making him say what he say's. you need to do this for you and you could be amazed and you might feel better for actually getting some space, i don't know your full story so i can't really comment, but i know iv'e always felt there was something wrong about my relationship, we love each other but he does not know how to take care of my feelings,and he does'nt ever say anything nice to me and also because i'm like this it's like there's no mystery, and i need him too much, i don't think it's really all that attractive, but he would'nt let me go either,you know like he's seen too much of me.

i don't know i'm rambling now, but relationships can make things worse at times i totally believe that.

good luck, let us all know how you get on with it

emmas

[emma chant]

HI Nikki,
Don't feel like it's your fault it is'nt atall.
Have you got a close friend you could go to ?


e chant

[Nicki22]

its a shame to say i havnt got a close friend to go to i really wish there was someone close i had apart from my partner