panicdiva
28-06-06, 13:01
I posted over 10 days ago about how the fear of going on holiday this week was bringing me down. Well the good news is, on Monday of last wk I managed to turn things around. I decided that I really could not stand to have my last 2 wks before I went being pure hell like it usually is. So, from my archives in my rusty memory I pulled out something that I probably read & tried it on myself. Everytime a negative thought, or fear, or concern about the flight or the holiday came up - I shouted STOP in my head. I told it to go away that I was not interested in listening to it anymore. Then I imagined that I was shutting a door on it & walking away. The really bizarre thing is, it really helped!!!! Mind you for the first couple of days I must have been shouting STOP about every 10mins or so. But, what it did do was stop the adrenaline coursing thru me. It stopped my thoughts from gaining momentum & getting so big & overwhelming. One morning I woke up with my stomach churning & the usual tension in my face & mouth. My initial reaction was, oh here it is again, but then I thought, wait a minute - this is not anxiety, this is excitement - you are going on a great holiday, the kids are excited, hubby is excited, so that is all that this is excitement. So, I gave myself permission to feel that instead of trying to stop it. That helped too.
The amazing thing is that if someone asks about the holiday or if the kids talk about it (usually I feel absolute dread & want to run away), I feel ok, & I actually feel myself looking forward to it.
It's not been plain sailing though, because there have been some moments when my negative thoughts sneak up on me & I start to follow it - but I manage to catch it eventually & say STOP!!!!
It is amazing how much my negative voice wants to keep trying to bring me down though. For instance yesterday I felt myself start to worry not about the flight but about the 4hr motorway jouney to Manchester to get the flight. I don't enjoy this experience either. I was trying to say STOP - but it took a bit longer for me to really make it stop. But I did.
Also, I have started to be kind to myself & say things like, you will be ok, you can handle this, you will be fine, I promise.
So, while I am feeling some nerves, I am much, much better & more positive than I have been the last 2 times that we went to America. I feel that this is half the battle because if I do have some anxiety when travelling at least I will feel like I have more energy to fight it. Whereas, usually I am so drained from worrying about it for wks ahead that I just don't have any energy to stop the anxiety from esculating.
I just wanted to share this with everyone because I feel that this is a positive step. (However, my negative inner voice is still whispering that I am being abit premature telling you this because I still have the car journey & flight to do) My positive voice though is saying, this is still a positve step forward for me.
The amazing thing is that if someone asks about the holiday or if the kids talk about it (usually I feel absolute dread & want to run away), I feel ok, & I actually feel myself looking forward to it.
It's not been plain sailing though, because there have been some moments when my negative thoughts sneak up on me & I start to follow it - but I manage to catch it eventually & say STOP!!!!
It is amazing how much my negative voice wants to keep trying to bring me down though. For instance yesterday I felt myself start to worry not about the flight but about the 4hr motorway jouney to Manchester to get the flight. I don't enjoy this experience either. I was trying to say STOP - but it took a bit longer for me to really make it stop. But I did.
Also, I have started to be kind to myself & say things like, you will be ok, you can handle this, you will be fine, I promise.
So, while I am feeling some nerves, I am much, much better & more positive than I have been the last 2 times that we went to America. I feel that this is half the battle because if I do have some anxiety when travelling at least I will feel like I have more energy to fight it. Whereas, usually I am so drained from worrying about it for wks ahead that I just don't have any energy to stop the anxiety from esculating.
I just wanted to share this with everyone because I feel that this is a positive step. (However, my negative inner voice is still whispering that I am being abit premature telling you this because I still have the car journey & flight to do) My positive voice though is saying, this is still a positve step forward for me.