View Full Version : Somebody please help me, i cant cope wth this nightmare!!
it all started at christmas i had a virus (my daughter had chicken pox) and i develpoed a rash. i was anxious about this but knew really it was a virus. However as i didnt like the rash i kept feeling my neck where it was so to see if it had gone or not. Whilst doing this i noticed two small lumps down the side of my neck. I went into panic mode and got the laptop out. I came across lymphoma on google and totally convinced myself this was what i had. I went to my GP who said they were totally normal and would eventually go away and were due to the virus and she also noticed i had an ear infection which she gave me antibiotics for. I went to several GPs after this for there reasurrance too. They were all unconcerned, but i was. My mother in law has nursed patients with lymphoma for many years and she said they do not present in the way mine are. I persisted with the GPs who did my bloods and they were all ok. I then had my bloods done again by mother in law which were all ok. My mother in law got her heamotologist collegue to reassure me. which he tried to. I then found another lymphnode whilst digging in my neck near my collerbone. I freaked out and paid privatly for an ultrasound, the doctor said tht there was more chance of him having lymphoma and he actually laughed at my anxiety about this. Well i was kind of reasurred for ten minutes before doubts crawled back into my mind. My family are all sick of me, they shout at me all the time because i cant stop crying. Im so scared i will die and not see my 3 year old daughter grow up. My neck shoulders and lower back are in agony, and my face tingles all the time. Im having nightmares about people telling me i have lymphoma and i will die. I just cannot cope anymore. I even thought about driving my car into a wall so i dont have to worry any longer, which is ridiculous and not something im actually going to do. Ive changed doctors surgery and saw a new lady who prescribed sertraline and diazepam and has referred me to ENT for reasurrance she said but now im worried shes worried about my lymphnodes. were will this all end, i just want to enjoy my life with my little girl again, i dont want her to see me cry anymore. Ive totally lost control over this.
please no scary answers about lymphnodes, i cant handle it.
mashedbanana
21-03-12, 19:12
Ah, you Googled it! No wonder you're worried. It could be shingles which starts off in odd ways. It knocks you flat but they put you on Zovirax and painkillers and you have to take it easy.
You're not going to die, that's why the doctors aren't worried. They will tell you if they are and if they were you'd be in hospital.
Relax and go back to your GP and let her tell you what it is. Ask if it's shingles.
Hi thankyou for your response, i did query at the time weather it was shingles as my mum and nana had shingles shortly after my daughter had chicken pox but they said not. The rash did go but ive just been left with the lumps. Its just so worrying, i really wish id not googled it, because if i know the symptoms i then get them. I hope for my own sake i can get over this because im sue my partner has had enough. H e said he would take our daughter to his mums until i can be 'normal again' so now im putting on an act so he wont take her. This is my only outlet now because nobody wants to hear it anymore. Ive also been offered a new job as a manager which is a huge payrise for me, im scared to take it as the company im with pay out for death in service which i will lose if i switch companies. Im so scared this will happen im afraid to take a new job. Which is causing more tension with family but i cant tell them why im reluctant to leave because they will all go balistic.
Hi don't think it will be shingles as they follow nerve lines usually round your torso and can be very painful
Anybody else had the lymphnode issue?
I have a lymphnode up just under my ear next to my jaw line, been like if for 10 years I have asked the dr many times and he has said this that and the other, anyway the long and short of it is I am still here x
mashedbanana
21-03-12, 23:13
Blimey Kelly, that's no reason not to switch jobs! Take a new job, take the payrise, relax and get on with life. I know it's easier said than done but you have to.
Your family is stressed with you because they know you're overreacting. They love you and think you're wonderful and don't want to see you in such a state.
We're all full of lumps and moles and rashes. If every one was fatal there'd be no one left on the planet!
If all the experts are unconcerned then so should you be. They know fatal lumps when they see one.
thanks everybody for your feedback. Mashed banana i know what you say makes sense. Im going to have a good day today ive promised myself. Good to know others have lymphnodes they can feel too.
I HATE ANXIETY, HE WILL NOT BEAT ME:mad:
Hi Kelly,
Sorry you're having such a hard time. I know it's really hard to take reassurance when you're in such a state of anxiety so I won't tell you to ignore it and relax (although if you could do this, you'd see things very differently).
Believe me when I say I've been through this many times and I know exactly how it feels to be so anxious that you just can't see a way through it. I can absolutely promise you that, having had all the medical advice you've had, there is definitely no cause for concern. Everyone gets lumps and bumps all the time and it's only us anxiety sufferers who become so concerned with it. It would be nice to be able to ignore it like other people but I know that's very difficult.
I've spent my life worrying excessively about things that other people wouldn't even notice, be it health related or any number of other pointless things. I look back over the last 30 years and see what an absolute waste it is and how I've missed out on so many opportunities. I don't have children so it's really only me that's suffered but I would hate to see you do the same. You've got a loving partner, a wonderful daughter and a great job opportunity. Please don't let anxiety spoil this. Recognise the positives you have and try to enjoy them. You're worrying about not being around for your daughter but clearly your partner is concerned now as your anxiety must be affecting your family.
I apologise if some of what I've written seems a little harsh but I can see how anxious you are and I really wouldn't want you to miss out on all the things you've got going for you.
Take care and stick with the meds. Hopefully, they will enable you to see more clearly and start to prioritise things more logically.
Love
Pip xxx
Thankyou pip for your reply, i really appreciate it. Im so glad tht there is somebody who knows how i feel, i just get so scared all the time, it stops me from enjoying my life. I dont think your words are harsh, there realistic and thats what i need. I have taken comfort from your words. I dont want t look back and think i have wasted my life with unnessessary worry. Im going to accept the job offer today and just go for it. The people on here have really helped me, last night i was in a state, and these people are the only ones who get me. Im going to have a good day today, im going to ignore my lumps and pains and see how it goes, as i havnt tryed ignoring it yet. So im taking my daughter to the park and spend some worry free time together. Thankyou so much xx
Kelly,
You're welcome and we're always here for support. PM me anytime if you think it would help.
As I said before, I do understand how hard it is but you can overcome it. Ignore your symptoms and your mind will stop perceiving a problem and then you'll worry less and less. It turns into an upward spiral instead of a downward one.
Enjoy your day with your daughter (I hope the weather's as nice where you are as it is here in Yorkshire) and accept that job - the new challenge will be a great distraction.
Take care
Love
Pip xxx
dont be silly and stop your worrying! its ur bodies way of telling u, u have a little virus! I had a flu virus about 4 years ago and i had about 7 of them popping out my head and neck! I ran to tell me mum who didnt seem bothered and but called nhs 24 to see if it needed checked out...it didn't. within a couple of days they were gone! Please don't get urself into a panic! If the docs say its nothing to worry about then its not. An irregular blood count would appear if there was anything wrong with u, but your blood was fine, so why you still worrying? Enjoy ur life and the blessing which is your 3 year old wee daughter :) take care x x
Hi thanks pip im in saddleworth-near to yorkshire and its lovely so were off out. Thankyou to all of you who posted im definaley feeling more positive. Im going to ignore it all today and just take one day at a time. i have accepted the new job and my partner will be so pleased when he comes home. I know he will be proud which makes me feel good. Thankyou for the support i wouldnt have got through last night if it hadnt been for the kindess of you all:)
Your right amy my daughter is a blessing and i dont want this rubbing off on to her. I count my blessings everyday for such a beautiful little girl. Its the fear of losing her tht gets me but if i worry like this all my life i will miss out on sooo much fun with her. Shes my inspiration, such an Angel x
Hi Kelly,
I hope you had a good day out with your daughter and enjoyed a few hours of distraction.
Well done for accepting the new job. Changing jobs can be pretty hard work but exciting at the same time. You'll love the new challenge - just make sure you enjoy the extra money and treat yourself. You deserve it.
Have a glass of champers or 2 to celebrate.
Keep in touch
Pip xxx
Hi thanks pip youve been really helpful, i did take the job and i also had a fantastic day yesterday with my daughter. As i have today we went horseriding which she loved. Tonight however i can feel the anxiety creeping back up, not so much about the lymphnodes but ive had niggling indigestion and stomach pain (mild) and a bit bloated and now im worried it could be stomach or liver cancer that has spread to my lymphnodes. I really hate my HA, i hope these symptoms go away i just hate it.
Hi Kelly,
Sounds like you've had a lovely couple of days. We've had great weather here and I did the sport relief run at work today. Very enjoyable.
Bit of stomach ache myself today but that's just how it is. I usually have some ache or pain - that's what being tense and anxious does to you. I'm going to put my feet up and enjoy a couple of glasses of wine and a pizza.
Remember, it's just your anxiety playing tricks on you. You know that really!
Take care
Pip xx
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