Muffin86
25-03-12, 18:06
Hi everyone,
I have struggled with anxiety and obsessions my whole life and I recently realised that I probably have OCD. I'm looking for a supportive community where I can discuss my problems without being judged :-)
I am 25, live in the UK with my boyfriend of 3 years, and I am currently studying accountancy.
My obsessions go back to early childhood, so I really can't remember a time when I wasn't obsessing. My first obsessions were health-related, something which has stayed with my throughout my life.
When I was 4 my grandfather died of cancer. Shortly afterwords, my grandmother started telling me stories of cancer and how horrible it was, and she also started telling me about all sorts of other illnesses as well. One of the things she used to tell me was that if I didn't eat vegetables I would develop scurvy and die.
Since then, I have been paranoid about illnesses to the extent that I can barely read about an illness or disease without panicking and thinking that I have it.
As a young child I also had an obsessive fear that my father would die. Since meeting my boyfriend 3 years ago, that fear has resurrected and I now go through periods where I obsess that my boyfriend will die.
My anxiety worsened Christmas 2008, a few months before I met my boyfriend, when my brother developed a psychosis and had to be hospitalised. The same thing happened again autum 2009, and shortly thereafter he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Everytime my parents called me I would have a panic attack, thinking that they had bad news. I became obsessed with the fear that my brother would commit suicide.
He was hospitalised again in the spring of 2012 at his own request. The same year the doctors said that my brother probably doesn't have schizophrenia, and that the psychoses were marijuana-induced. He is much better now and hasn't been hospitalised since, but I still feel that dreaded panic everytime my parents call me.
These past 5 months I have obsessed over my boyfriend's previous relationships. I worry that I am not a good girlfriend, that his previous girlfriends made him much happier than I do etc. I hate having these thoughts because I KNOW that they are not true. I have good days where I feel no axiety at all and don't obsess, but then something suddenly triggers these feelings...
I have started writing a diary to track my thoughts and obsessions and identify patterns. I am hoping that being on this forum with friendly support will also help me manage the anxiety :-)
I have struggled with anxiety and obsessions my whole life and I recently realised that I probably have OCD. I'm looking for a supportive community where I can discuss my problems without being judged :-)
I am 25, live in the UK with my boyfriend of 3 years, and I am currently studying accountancy.
My obsessions go back to early childhood, so I really can't remember a time when I wasn't obsessing. My first obsessions were health-related, something which has stayed with my throughout my life.
When I was 4 my grandfather died of cancer. Shortly afterwords, my grandmother started telling me stories of cancer and how horrible it was, and she also started telling me about all sorts of other illnesses as well. One of the things she used to tell me was that if I didn't eat vegetables I would develop scurvy and die.
Since then, I have been paranoid about illnesses to the extent that I can barely read about an illness or disease without panicking and thinking that I have it.
As a young child I also had an obsessive fear that my father would die. Since meeting my boyfriend 3 years ago, that fear has resurrected and I now go through periods where I obsess that my boyfriend will die.
My anxiety worsened Christmas 2008, a few months before I met my boyfriend, when my brother developed a psychosis and had to be hospitalised. The same thing happened again autum 2009, and shortly thereafter he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Everytime my parents called me I would have a panic attack, thinking that they had bad news. I became obsessed with the fear that my brother would commit suicide.
He was hospitalised again in the spring of 2012 at his own request. The same year the doctors said that my brother probably doesn't have schizophrenia, and that the psychoses were marijuana-induced. He is much better now and hasn't been hospitalised since, but I still feel that dreaded panic everytime my parents call me.
These past 5 months I have obsessed over my boyfriend's previous relationships. I worry that I am not a good girlfriend, that his previous girlfriends made him much happier than I do etc. I hate having these thoughts because I KNOW that they are not true. I have good days where I feel no axiety at all and don't obsess, but then something suddenly triggers these feelings...
I have started writing a diary to track my thoughts and obsessions and identify patterns. I am hoping that being on this forum with friendly support will also help me manage the anxiety :-)