FakePlasticTrees
26-03-12, 13:56
I'm writing this as a sort of therapy as much as to introduce myself. Apologies if it goes on a bit.
I'm a 29 year old male from the middle of England. I consider myself to have been dealing with an anxiety issue for around 5 years now. I don't feel I fall into a specific category, I can have health, social or generalised. I've never been diagnosed by a doctor and have never been on medication. The only person that knows is my partner. I would love to tell my friends and family but feel almost embarrassed to have this. I used to be very outgoing and confident and just cannot face the thought of telling people whats happening. I have become a master at the art of Pulling a Brave Face. I know I am fortunate in the fact that I would say I have moderate anxiety, and not severe like so many others. I can get by in day to day life but it does have an impact. I am in a good relationship and thankfully she's patient and although doesn't understand what it's like to be like this, is able to accommodate me and try to understand.
I believe I kicked something off in my brain when I quit cannabis in 2007. Please don't judge me on that, I wasn't the stereotypical 'stoner', I smoked on my own and just watched movies or listened to music. After quitting, I went through a dreadful spell of around 6 months in which I had very bad migraines, and consequently panic attacks. I'm pleased to say I've been migraine and panic attack free for a number of years now however. Now I deal with a range of other physical symptoms. I believe I have visual disturbances in relation. These include after-images, visual snow and just simply a heightened sense of noticing all visual anomalies. I believe my gastrointestinal system is affected, I regularly have stomach pains at time of worry and during any social activities. Even things like meeting friends, my stomach will start bubbling and gurgling and I feel the need to go much more, an embarrassing and inconvenient trait which I wish I could cure. I get dizzy spells which I believe are related, I now have a motion problem, for example lifts and elevators make my head spin as I step off, and plane journeys are the same, with a flight to America affecting my balance for a good week after landing. The aches, the pains, the constant thoughts that race through my mind, just the general manifestations that build up to form this little monster that's inside us all. And, perhaps most annoying for me, is the impact its had on my confidence and self-esteem. I'm not the fun-loving person that I was and long to be. I'm angry that these feelings have hindered some of what could have been the most enjoyable of my life, years I will never get back.
But, positively, I can happily leave the house with usually no problems, I can still have a good time and laugh with my friends and partner, my sleep is relatively unaffected and I wouldn't say I am unhappy, just hampered by this mental condition that affects so many. I hope I can learn to live with this and live life freely at some point in the not so distant future and actually look forward to events like my wedding day, which at the present I fear.
So, nice to meet you all, it's a wonderful thing to have a community like this where you can speak to others in the same position, without fear of being judged, and if I can help anyone in any way I will. Thank you to the moderators who keep the site and forum running, and thank you to all the people who are able to offer words of courage to those in need, as many times reassurance is as good as medication to an anxious individual.
Thanks.
I'm a 29 year old male from the middle of England. I consider myself to have been dealing with an anxiety issue for around 5 years now. I don't feel I fall into a specific category, I can have health, social or generalised. I've never been diagnosed by a doctor and have never been on medication. The only person that knows is my partner. I would love to tell my friends and family but feel almost embarrassed to have this. I used to be very outgoing and confident and just cannot face the thought of telling people whats happening. I have become a master at the art of Pulling a Brave Face. I know I am fortunate in the fact that I would say I have moderate anxiety, and not severe like so many others. I can get by in day to day life but it does have an impact. I am in a good relationship and thankfully she's patient and although doesn't understand what it's like to be like this, is able to accommodate me and try to understand.
I believe I kicked something off in my brain when I quit cannabis in 2007. Please don't judge me on that, I wasn't the stereotypical 'stoner', I smoked on my own and just watched movies or listened to music. After quitting, I went through a dreadful spell of around 6 months in which I had very bad migraines, and consequently panic attacks. I'm pleased to say I've been migraine and panic attack free for a number of years now however. Now I deal with a range of other physical symptoms. I believe I have visual disturbances in relation. These include after-images, visual snow and just simply a heightened sense of noticing all visual anomalies. I believe my gastrointestinal system is affected, I regularly have stomach pains at time of worry and during any social activities. Even things like meeting friends, my stomach will start bubbling and gurgling and I feel the need to go much more, an embarrassing and inconvenient trait which I wish I could cure. I get dizzy spells which I believe are related, I now have a motion problem, for example lifts and elevators make my head spin as I step off, and plane journeys are the same, with a flight to America affecting my balance for a good week after landing. The aches, the pains, the constant thoughts that race through my mind, just the general manifestations that build up to form this little monster that's inside us all. And, perhaps most annoying for me, is the impact its had on my confidence and self-esteem. I'm not the fun-loving person that I was and long to be. I'm angry that these feelings have hindered some of what could have been the most enjoyable of my life, years I will never get back.
But, positively, I can happily leave the house with usually no problems, I can still have a good time and laugh with my friends and partner, my sleep is relatively unaffected and I wouldn't say I am unhappy, just hampered by this mental condition that affects so many. I hope I can learn to live with this and live life freely at some point in the not so distant future and actually look forward to events like my wedding day, which at the present I fear.
So, nice to meet you all, it's a wonderful thing to have a community like this where you can speak to others in the same position, without fear of being judged, and if I can help anyone in any way I will. Thank you to the moderators who keep the site and forum running, and thank you to all the people who are able to offer words of courage to those in need, as many times reassurance is as good as medication to an anxious individual.
Thanks.