Constantly worried - can't relax! Yikes!

[crazybunny2]

Hi there,

I'm Natalie and a 28 year old solicitor. I was driving home on 1st March and I had a massive panic attack (my very first, oh joy!:unsure:). I thought I was having a heart attack and it was incredibly scary:ohmy:. I had to pull over in the car for a bit, ring my mum in a panic, before managing somehow to drive home! I was convinved I was going to die and I had the freak out experience of seeming out of myself, which made me think even more that I was going to die!! My heart was pounding the entire night and I could not get to sleep.

I think that I have a number of stressful things in my life that has brought these feelings on, such as: stressful job and working late since the new year; planning my wedding this July, property hunting with my fiance and fiance is recently back from Afghanistan and looking after my gran with Alzheimers. Also, my mum suffers from IBS which in her case is stress related so I have a genetic link.

I went to the doctor the following day and the GP wasn't very helpful. They didn't give me any information and just asked me what I thought I should do! I suggested CBT, but the doctor instead signed me off from work for 2 weeks and said I should exercise more. They said CBT takes too long to get.

I got better in the first week, but by the second week my mum got a bad flu and I was worried about her. I didn't get to sleep and then I couldn't get to sleep the next night! I felt like I was going around the bend, so I took some sleeping tablets that I was prescribed and I have been taking them since. I then started worrying about my return to work.

On my first day back at work (after stressing the entire night, not taking my sleeping tablets and consequently not sleeping!), I had a massive panic attack in the afternoon. It was horrible! I had to go home early and felt like a failure. This set me back as now I feel constantly on edge and I can't relax!

I was getting really worried so I went to the GP the next day, who again didn't provide any advice, save exercise more and signed me off for a further 2 weeks.

Today, I went to the GP again as I feel I have made no progress and begged for medication! I have taken 1 diazepam tablet so far, but I still feel stresed, but not quite as crazy as before! I have also been prescribed citalpram, which I have not yet taken. I feel a bit scared to be taking medication, but I feel at my wits end and I want to see progress.

I feel frustrated that I seem to be able to do less and less. The whole world seems a scary place, even my own home!

It seems so silly to be scared of fear, but the feelings are so strong and debilitating!

I am currently obsessing that I will soon die as I am so exhausted from lack of sleep and after my few hours of sleep that I get, I start stressing out and my heart beats really fast!

I feel this period of my life is quite surreal and I don't want to accept that this is happening to me!

That said, a lovely person at my work has told me that she suffered from panic attacks. I think it affects more sensitive/kind people (like lovely me and you of course!). I guess I should give myself time and convince myself that I am not going to die of exhaustion.

Words of wisdom, tips, reassurance and support would be most appreciated.

Thanks for your time in reading this :).

[diane07]

Hi crazybunny2

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[EmilyK83]

Hey,

Understand your fear of taking the meds, but it's worth giving them a go. Citalopram's perfectly safe to take longterm - I've just started mine and it seems to be helping.

Your doctor sounds like a nightmare! CBT may take a while to get, but it's worth persevering. I was on the waiting list for 3 months and started last week - only had one session so far, but I can already tell that it's going to help. Drugs aren't a longterm solution at all!

Em x

[ems73]

Hi, I feel for you, it's a horrible thing to deal with, but you are on the right website, loads of support on here, loads of info and the people are just so kind and helpful. We're all in a similar boat.

No-one wants to take medication if they can help it, I cried when I first took my first Prozac. They are not always the answer to everything but for a lot of people they are incredibly helpful. Personally I would give them a go. They are pretty much the best we've got at the moment.

CBT can be really good. I think the NHS wait is very long but think about looking for a private counsellor in your area. Most of them will do CBT training with you. There are also a lot of good books on the market.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

[snowgoose]

Hi Natalie and warm :welcome:

You have come to the right place for support and advice . We all understand how damn scary these anxiety symptoms are .
You are not alone and will recover honest :hugs:

I think your GP is not helpful and would advise you to see another in the practice re referral for CBT. So many here find it useful .
Also remember when exhausted through lack of sleep that we are even more vulnerable . I feel for you .
personally I think you need a month or so off work to stabilise properly if you are taking meds and get your equilibrium back .
It is a fine balance isnt it ? different for all of us depending on type of job.
You have a lot of stress going on Natalie ............be kind to yourself and post often . No wonder you feel overloaded.

snow :hugs:

[crazybunny2]

Hi Em,

Thanks for your post. Yes, my GP is not the most helpful!

Great, I will bug them to put me on a CBT waiting list, as yes, I agree drugs are not the long term solution.

I think a lot of people with panic attacks tend to be more perfectionist types and so we want everything to be 'just so' and stress because, of course, life's not like that!

I definitely need to change my thinking and be more positive and accept that things are not aways going to work out for me, or at least, not work out the way I planned. (For example, my house hunting - what a nightmare!).

Take care

N xx

---------- Post added at 16:09 ---------- Previous post was at 15:56 ----------

Thanks Snow,
That's really helpful.
N xx

---------- Post added at 16:11 ---------- Previous post was at 16:09 ----------

Thanks Em,
I've decided to go with the medication in the short term as I think it is helping me. I need to build myself up!
N xx

[Stormsky]

Hi
I too had a stressful job and had my first panic attack in the car driving to a meeting...that was 12yrs ago....
I can relate to all of your symptons in those first early days of it happening...
I thought i had a brain tumor...didnt have the internet back then, and it was a scary time ...
I did take meds for 9yrs, but been off them 7 months now, and dont plan to go back to them... but thats just me.... exercise, diet, vitamins , thats what i do now...
ive heard too that sensitive/kind natured people are the likely ones to suffer anx.
Mental illness is not a sign of weakness, its a sign that we have been too strong for too long...
CBT would be worth signing up for, get gp to put you down for it...may take months to get but may as well get on the waiting list now... I did CBT years ago, didnt do much for me personally.
The quicker you can get the right help now, hopefully the quicker you can nip this in the bud, before it becomes a way of life, and takes years of your life, like it has for many of us sufferers.....
Youve made all the right first steps already, so good luck !

[Julianne]

Welcome!

The thing here is that you begged your GP for help and then when you got it you refused to take the meds (citalopram).

It might be wise to take the medication since you have been prescribed it.

You seem to be looking for a sudden miracle but they don't happen very often so grasp the nettle and give the medication a go.

take care