How do you find joy again?

[rock chick]

I know I am more depressed since my anxiety issues flared up big time again but I was somewhat depressed before that but I could still even then more easily find some sort of joy.

Now I feel almost like a joyless shell, I cry more easily & miss the feeling of being happy! I am on antidepressants but we all know drugs aren't a solution to these things, more just a helper. I can be happy for very brief periods but they quickly fade. Things that used to make me happy usually now just don't much anymore, lack of even caring about some of them.

I doubt I'd be bad enough to be diagnosed with clinical depression but who cares if you're often miserable?

I know therapy is an option but I want to use all of that to deal with my anxiety because I have limited amounts per year so I need to prioritize. I'm also aware that with less anxiety the depression will probably get better but I'm not so sure it will go away enough. I guess I'm looking for ideas and maybe if possible some self help for depression.

[little wren]

Hi rock chick

Sorry you are feeling so bad.

Anxiety can definitely make you feel low. Were you prescribed anti-depressants for anxiety or for depression and how long have you been on them? I would not wait until you are 'clinically' depressed to visit your gp - you recognise the signs already.

It may be a case of seeing your gp and letting them know how you feel even though you are on anti-depressants. I know when I get anxious and it hinders my progress I get low so I work on managing the anxiety and trying to make headway there so I feel a sense of achievement (however small) which seems to give me some hope.

little wren x

[rock chick]

I've been on Zoloft for about 9 years but it was prescribed for my OCD by my shrink at the time, when I stopped seeing him I had the medical clinic I went to at the time take over management of it.

I know changing meds could help but I'm way too scared to go through the whole thing all over again (plus I've been on many over the years) and feel my depression is so situational related they probably wouldn't do much.

I guess I just want to understand how people find happiness again is all. It's probably not going to make a difference until I manage many things in my life and start to spend time with people more in RL again like I used to. I suppose the first step would be actually talking to my online friends again more often, I've allowed myself to somewhat distance myself from most people and perhaps if I start to feel social more than I am my loneliness that contributes to my depression will ease.

[Ingenious]

I can remember joy returning to my life, slowly but steadily :) This was amazing for me, because during my worst periods in life I actually felt the "flame" in my soul had gone out. I felt it go out on the night I attempted suicide. I never thought it could be re-lit and was destined to walk through life like a zombie.

I never felt joy during the whole six months on Citalopram, but after one month of switching to Mirtazapine I wrote this in my mood diary: "A brief glimpse, a brief burst of 'That beautiful feeling' of summer, hope, everything is going to be alright, everything will get better, brightness, a tangible feeling of good times and free from nostalgia". So my first comment would be that finding the right medication can be the foundation of recovery.

From there the glimpses of joy became more frequent, then I plunged into exercise. When I'd done my first really hard session of cycling and gone well beyond my normal limits the feeling of euphoria afterwards was amazing! But just the daily feel-good factor of exercising and nurturing my body was a massive boost.

More recently, I found I have been having a life changing result from "Mindful meditation". And friends and family have noticed this too. It has helped me see the world in a totally different manner, a world now powered by love, not hate. It's just so sad it took me so long to see the world like this.

So medication is the foundation of my well being. Exercise is the bricks and meditation is the cement holding it all together.

This will sound very silly but I will say it anyway. I am living proof that no matter how dark you feel, how stone cold you think your heart is and how much you feel hope has left you - there is ALWAYS a way back. Joy never, ever goes away completely, it can just take a holiday from time to time.

Sorry for waffling :)

[snowgoose]

rock chick :hugs:
you are not alone .............I empathise with every word you wrote .The bleakness and apathy are hard to bear when you know what you used to be like.
The reply by Ingenious is inspiring.
I would add that try to get out into the country side and watch nature ,listen to the birds ,feel the breeze on your face.
Woods at this time of year always soothe my battered old soul .
take care
snow xx

[Julianne]

So awful you feel this way... your description of how you feel does sound like clinical depression to me. Try to insist that your GP refers you to a psychiatrist, then you will have greater access to more appropriate medication. It also sounds very much like you need an anxiolytic and quickly.

Enjoy the comforts of those who understand in here and take my advice.

Best thoughts

[little wren]

I've been on Zoloft for about 9 years but it was prescribed for my OCD by my shrink at the time, when I stopped seeing him I had the medical clinic I went to at the time take over management of it.

I know changing meds could help but I'm way too scared to go through the whole thing all over again (plus I've been on many over the years) and feel my depression is so situational related they probably wouldn't do much.

I guess I just want to understand how people find happiness again is all. It's probably not going to make a difference until I manage many things in my life and start to spend time with people more in RL again like I used to. I suppose the first step would be actually talking to my online friends again more often, I've allowed myself to somewhat distance myself from most people and perhaps if I start to feel social more than I am my loneliness that contributes to my depression will ease.

Hi rock chick

You are not alone... I too am on anti-depressants for ocd (and anxiety) (prozac - 5 years). I understand about changing meds and that (I wouldn't come of prozac) but your gp may have other suggestions e.g. self help group or dosage adjustment etc. The only reason I asked was because, in my opinion, depression is one of those things that is better 'nipped in the bud' early before it turns into full blown depression (and that would be horrid on top of the ocd as well) and harder to shake. I totally understand the med. route is a personal choice and there are many on this site who choose different ways and it works for them.

As for things which may kick start the feelings of joy, I think you are right about maintaining a social support network via on-line pals (and now you have support on this site as well :) I don't know if there is a depression forum here but that could be helpful). With me when I have good days (less anxious and ocd more controlled) I try to make headway (e.g. gardening, photography etc) on these days so when I have bad days I can look and think I did this or that and it makes me feel a bit better. Just a suggestion perhaps sitting in the garden with a book or just looking at the birds and butterflies and bees going about their business might bring peace.

I am sorry I cannot come up with anything else, but ingenious and snow have got some pretty good ideas. Take care and keep posting and I really hope the down feeling shifts and you feel better soon.

little wren x