Terrified of my leaving speech

[blondie2809]

Hi,

This is my first post on this website. I've had CBT for panic attacks over a year ago and I sort of thought i'd figured this whole thing out, until recently I've realised it hasn't dissapeared.

My work is stressful and holding me back, I regularly have panic attacks on the train to work and I know its because I dread going there.

The thing is I desperately want to leave and have done for about 2 years now, but im so scared of the day I leave when I have to give a leaving speech. The idea makes me so scared that I put off getting a new job.

I know this situation is stupid....im putting off moving ahead because of 15 mins of being thrust in to the limelight amongst my peers.

I've thought about maybe I could leave half way during the day and just leave an email saying goodbye.....is that bad?

Im now considering hypnotism for public speaking just so I can get through it.

I've told a family member and they've said....just don't worry, its literally a few minutes you just have to feel bad/embarassed. But I know its not just that simple....the moment I hand in my notice, for the 30 days i have remaining at work, the only thing I will have on my mind is that last day and the 30 or so people crowding around my desk all looking at me, expecting me to talk and behave calmly. I will work myself up in to a frenzy and make myself ill.

I feel im stuck here......any advice?

b xx

[rosieposie]

I would hand in my notice and then send an email around to everyone saying how much I like them and will miss them but I won't be doing a leaving speach as I will get to upset so would like to speak to you all and say goodbye individually. Then you can just plod around and say as much or as little as you like to the ones you do. Noone will mind at all. They will just think you will miss them all too much!
If they do gather around your desk pretend to start crying!! ;)

[Ingenious]

It's a tough one because it sounds like you are stuck in catch 22 - you want to leave a job you hate, but the worry of giving a speech is keeping you there. But are you sure you really will have to give a speech? In all the jobs I've left it has just been a case of people seeing you during the day and wishing you well or giving you cards. I like rosieposie's idea and let's face it, if you're faced with an uncomfortable situation on your last day just make an excuse and get away from it - they can't sack you :) Try and keep in mind how you will feel from the day after onwards - free from a job you don't like.

[ems73]

totally agree with Rosieposie, just send an email saying goodbye to everyone and that you don't want to make a speech as you'll get emotional. If it comes down to it and you can't get out of it, just leave early. Don't worry, no-one can make you do it if you don't want to.

Another option would be to have a quiet word with your boss or whoever would be organising a leaving present. Just say "if you don't mind, don't ask me to give a speech as I hate talking in public". Millions of people hate this so it's completely normal.

[Mellowyellow]

I have dreaded speeches myself and have avoided them ever since school -I am now a manager. I hate meetings where I have to speak in front of large numbers and trust me if I never had to speak in front of a large group again I'd be very happy but I know the reality is I will and you will too whether we like it or not. I think like most things in life - if something is difficult then it's worth giving a go , as if it turns out to be a success then you will be amazed at the confidence it will give you in other areas in your life it would be easy to send an email but I don't think it will help your confidence for the future - write down your speech if necessary and just focus on one person for 5 seconds then focusing on another then another imagining that for that particular 5 seconds that particular person is the only person in the room. (takes the pressure off of yourself) trust me you can trick your own brain it works! Also if you do have a panic up try this... Defocus your eyes sounds crazy but when you do this .. Well this is something you do when your very relaxed and don't know it (ie daydreaming) . Having said all this I wouldn't say that a speech is absolutely necessary for leaving a job BUT I would say if you are getting this worked up about it then it is worth while you giving it ago- as you can use this as personal training for yourself - remember the fear of the thing whatever that is is always scarier than the moment itself

When the moment comes you WILL feel scared for first 2 mins but your body and brain will calm down quickly and then you will be fine if you can just get through the first two mins - one trick for that is to maybe ask someone a question or somehow bring someone into the conversation early on when your at your most vulnerable this ain't essential though. Don't run from your fear or you will run from it for the rest of your life and as a result lead a restricted life. Just walk into the fear head on and say to yourself ' come on fear do your worst' vie found my fear is weak when you confront it I still haven't won my battle with my fear but I'm practicing and exposing myself to it - the more you expose yourself the easier it becomes - avoiding it just makes your overall fear/anxiety worse - good luck my friend whatever you do