Anxiety over Finances

[cisco]

Hi,

does anyone here suffer from anxiety due to financial difficulties? I'm so anxious about the mess my wife has got us into, I'm petrified to use my debit card or look at a bank statement.

[Rain]

I worry every single day about finances. We are subsisting on such a small income that we have no disposable income at all. I worry all the time that something major will break like the shower or the car and we will have no way of getting it fixed.

Life is extremely stressful for a lot of people because of the recession at the moment. However, the good thing about being part of a couple, as I am is that we can discuss our worries together and reassure each other. When you face the problem as a combined unit, things seem less scary.

Have you talked to your wife about all this? In my experience, the head-in-the-sand approach just causes more worry, because fear of the unknown is awful. If you can, sit down together with a calculator, pens and paper and work out exactly what position you are in. Then discuss together how you are going to handle things. Don't let debt come between you. You can sort this out together.

[cisco]

Hi,

does anyone here suffer from anxiety due to financial difficulties? I'm so anxious about the mess my wife has got us into, I'm petrified to use my debit card or look at a bank statement. I now worry that one of us will lose our jobs and we'll be struggling to pay the bills and feed ourselves.

[nomorepanic]

Hi cisco

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[paula lynne]

Hi, welcome to the forum. You are clearly anxious, I dont blame you. Unfortunately, the only advice I can give you would be to confront it....the longer you leave it, the worse it will be. Look at it this way, it may not be as terrible as you image. And if it is, well, you and the Mrs need to sit down and be honest and open, and decide on a plan of action. If she has a credit/debit card, suggest she doesnt use it! Have you had loans you cant pay back?

Im sure I saw an advert on Tv about "Debt matters"...or something similar. Please dont suffer in silence, lots of people are in a similar position, and its not a stigma these days, just look at the economy. I know a woman who gets a provident loan every month just to be able to afford to go food shopping!

Maybe your bank can help, Im sure they can. Also, the citizens advice are pretty good.

I myself have started shopping in Aldi, and reduced my weekly food bill from £140 to around £80. Maybe its something you could do. I know its old fashioned, but i also put £ away in seperate cans, just like my gran did. Just £5 a week or something....thats how we afford our annual camping holiday. Anyway, for now, you need to get this sorted with your wife......dont leave it any longer. Once you are sorted, maybe look into different ways of saving money in future. Best wishes to you, Paula x

[Rain]

I just saw there are two threads with the same title so I will copy my reply here:

I worry every single day about finances. We are subsisting on such a small income that we have no disposable income at all. I worry all the time that something major will break like the shower or the car and we will have no way of getting it fixed.

Life is extremely stressful for a lot of people because of the recession at the moment. However, the good thing about being part of a couple, as I am is that we can discuss our worries together and reassure each other. When you face the problem as a combined unit, things seem less scary.

Have you talked to your wife about all this? In my experience, the head-in-the-sand approach just causes more worry, because fear of the unknown is awful. If you can, sit down together with a calculator, pens and paper and work out exactly what position you are in. Then discuss together how you are going to handle things. Don't let debt come between you. You can sort this out together.

p.s: Paula- you are so right about Aldi and also Lidl. We began shopping there exclusively and it has helped a lot. You can also save money by getting coupons online. In our better off days I wouldn't have thought these measures could make such a difference but they do!

[cisco]

thanks for your suggestions. Am I being stupid by thinking because we only have a £10k mortgage, we may have our house repossessed? Its one of a million thoughts that goes through my head each day.

ps I don't want to go too deep into our situation, however, credit cards, loans and more loans and payday loans were only discovered by me just before christmas. It was many thousands (too much to say) but I had to go to my parents to bail us out.

[snowgoose]

Hi Cisco
so sorry to read your your post.....but there are things that can be done .
replies from Paula and Rain are spot on with advice re Citizens advice and tackling the problem now.
I think CAB do a debt management programme in that you or they contact all the creditors and advise what you can pay back per month after studying your ingoings and outgoings .
The fact you have low mortgage is good news .........you own more of the house than the building society does .

You are not alone cisco ..........I had bad time a long while back when I thought my house was in danger of being possessed . So many will chip in here I am sure having similar fears.
You also must have the worry in that your wife ran up such bills . I wonder if she needs some medical help and advice
some therapy to help xxx

You will feel so much better once you have sat down and made plan ......got some control back .
and defo make appointment with citizens advice. They will steer you to right places for help and how to write to creditors . I so feel for you :hugs:

and yes Aldi is my place to shop now . Nice food and clean stores . Food bill so much less . Watch the car fuel bill .and if fancy a walk then do it nearby,plan your outings and you will use less fuel .........lots of ways to cut down.
Hope this helps cisco .take care
snow xx

I thought I had lost my home ......but didnt love xxxxx

[cathycrumble]

I also worry about money since I split up and now I am on my own I find it so hard as I lost my job. I have been getting ESA but I got a letter today to say it is stopping in april but I am glad because I dont like being on benefits it was because of my anxiety I was put on it. but I am not apealing because I dont like having my BP taken and medicals so I am now looking for a job which scares me so much as I have lost my confidence. I will now be claiming Job seekers allowence which I belive is £67.50 a week but I cant stay on the other benefit I just dont want it anymore anxiety or no anxiety I would rather force myself to get a job. I am that bad I have just bought a bottle of red wine to help me get over the shock of all this shit.

Cathy xx

[kittikat]

Welcome cisco.....can totally relate. I'm not in debt as such, but I do live 'hand to mouth' and my salary barely covers my outgoings each month. I fear every time I use my debit card (in case it's declined) and haven't opened a bank statement for ages. I really must sort that out. I hope you get things sorted out. This situation must send your anxiety rocketing....not good. Have a chat with the CAB, I'm sure they can give you some practical and useful advice. Good luck, Kitti :)

[pennycovuk]

Cisco, I will open up about my debts, maybe it will help you.

12 years ago I found my husband had squandered all we had on other women and our joint debts (not including mortgage) were £150,000. I was so busy working I didn't know until my card was refused to pay for petrol.
he walked out and left me with it all and 12 years later I am still paying. I can't go bankrupt because I will lose my career.

I turned to Payplan, they do not charge at all and they really have saved my life. I pay only what I can afford to them and they deal with all my debtors. In 12 years I have not had one phonecall or person at the door about my debts. some companies do send a yearly statement or lettersaying I could pay a lump sum (HA! If only I had one)

so please, you are not alone. My debt p;lan will end when I am 110 years old, so I just see it as one little standing order and get on with my life.

take care of yourself and remember this - NONE of the comapnies you owe care a hoot about you. so yes, be responsible and pay what you can, but DONT make them the most important part of oyur life.

I hope my own story may help you a little. It's still embarressing to tell, but I have much biggere issues than money now.

[cisco]

hi pennycovuk,

I appreciate you being so candid with your situation. May I send you a PM to make a private enquiry?